


You'll Be Near

by Adertily



Series: 'You'll Be Near' Verse [1]
Category: Erkenci Kuş (TV)
Genre: CanEm - Freeform, Canem babies, Canon Compliant, Domestic, F/M, Family, Fluff, Future AU, Pets, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, kind of, marriage AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2019-10-03 18:03:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 78,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17288801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adertily/pseuds/Adertily
Summary: Sanem and Can have been married for a few months.They both want to arrange a nice surprise for Mevkibe and Nihat's 25th wedding anniversary but trying to keep it a secret leads Sanem's family to think the surprise is ... something else. Something that may, or may not, be growing inside her.This is the fluffy, domestic Canem fic you have been waiting for.Also on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/175587915-you%27ll-be-near





	1. The Suprise

**Author's Note:**

> I completely re-vamped this chapter. It's a bit longer now, more detailed and less dialog based. Turns out I write better in the evenings. I hope you like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter has been re-written. Didn't like it the first time? Maybe have another look.

   It was Monday night. Darkness had settled outside the windows. The blue sky giving way to black, dusted with glimmering stars. The smell of their dinner cooking in the oven drifted from the kitchen behind them.

   Can watched as Sanem returned from the hallway, walking back into the living room with a large, fluffy blanket bundled up in her arms. She sat down beside Can on the grey sofa, folding the blanket around both of their shoulders.

   "Thank you," Can said, wrapping an arm around her side and pulling her close. He covered his hands over hers, feeling the chill of her fingers and attempting to warm them up. The fireplace was flickering in front of them, still young and fragile – not strong enough to heating the room. Can had set it up five minutes ago, and was now waiting for the flames to take hold of the larger logs he had provided.

   The house was beginning to feel more and more familiar to them despite having only moved in a few weeks ago. It hadn't been their intention to move in so late after the wedding, but the building had been in a pitiful state. They had knowingly bought it with the intention of fixing it up, reviving life to the cold and dusty walls. The task had turned out to be more of a trial than they had anticipated. The very skeleton of the house had been old and tired. The windows were speckled with shattered glass, the doors rotting and falling off their hinges, the plumbing rusting away to dust, the central heating non-existent.

   After months of cohabiting in the Divit household with Emre (who politely made himself as scarce as possible). Renovation work was nearly complete, and the house comfortable enough to live in. So they had eagerly moved out of Can's house and into  _theirs_.

 

 

   The open-plan living room and kitchen area, where they sat now, still had to be fitted with new radiators. But for the time being, the fireplace and Sanem's collection of blankets kept the winter night's chill away. Not that Can could particularly feel it. After a lifetime of camping trips that cared little for the restrictions of upcoming weather forecasts, the cold didn't tend to bother him. Sanem, however, seemed to enjoy the opportunity for them to wrap up together under the king sized blanket – so Can didn't protest.

   They watched the fire spark to life, finally strong enough to cling onto the larger chunks of wood. A pile of logs sat beside the fireplace, the result of Can's attempts to tidy up the garden. It had been wild and overrun with trees and bushes. The latter making good kindling, the trees having been cut up and kiln-dried for the fire.

   Sanem stretched out her feet towards the flames, in an attempt to heat up her toes. Can cuped her hands in his, rubbing and breathing against them until her white skin turned pink again.

   "Can," Sanem said, sighing at his touch. "We need to decide on a gift for my parents." She said, tucking her legs back underneath her and turning to face him. Mevkibe and Nihat's anniversary would be on the following weekend. They had been slow to decide on something; wanting it to be special, but unsure of what to do.

   "Tamam," Can replied, placing their entwined hands on his lap. "Have you had any ideas?"

   "I was thinking... And I know it's not exactly cheap. But they haven't been out of the country since before Leyla was born, I thought, maybe, we could get them a trip somewhere. Just for a week or so." She looked at him, waiting for his reaction.

   "I think that's a great idea." He nodded. "Did you have anywhere particular in mind?"

   "I'm not really sure." Sanem shrugged. "Somewhere romantic..." She paused, chewing on her lip. "What about Paris? Or is that too cliché?"

   "I don't know. I have heard Paris doesn't live up to its reputation on the romance front. Metin took his girlfriend their once, but after a few days they ended up traveling all the way to Luberon in Provence instead. She had fond memories of visiting there as a child and wanted to see it again." Can recalled. "I think if you want a trip to be romantic, it needs to be meaningful to the individuals." Sanem nodded, smiling as she remembered their honeymoon in the Galapagos. It wasn't the most beautiful of islands, but the trip had been so special to them.

   Sanem settled back against his chest, trying to think.

   "Where was it they went on  _their_  honeymoon?" Can asked.

   "Bulgaria. But only because it was the furthest away they could afford." Sanem sighed. "They never really talked about the trip with much enthusiasm. They ended up finding a nest of rats in their hotel room." She finished, interrupted by the beeing of the oven, indicating that their food was done.

 

 

   It was a while later, sticking her arms through the holes in her pajama top, that Sanem suddenly remembered a conversation she had had with her mother a few years ago. They had been watching a movie - based somewhere in the Italian mountains. Sanem's mother confessed she had always wanted to explore the Alps in the middle of summer. When the flowers were out. When the goats and cattle roamed the lush hills. Bells dangling from their necks – the echo of the chiming traveling for miles around. It all seemed like a beautiful dream. Sanem had agreed, and had been slightly heartbroken at the longing in her mother's voice.

   Sanem smiled as she finished getting changed.

   "Can, I know where we are sending them!" She called to the en-suite bathroom where he was brushing his teeth. Can poked his head around the door, the toothbrush sticking out of his mouth as he raised an eyebrow in questioning.

 

 

   The next day, during their lunch break. Can pulled up a travel website on his laptop, they started browsing different options while eating lunch. Two days later they had booked the tickets. A two week all-inclusive trip that would take them to a few of the most highly recommended and stunning locations around the North of Italy. The whole thing refundable – just in case. Sanem was nearly jealous.

   "They are going to love it, Can!" Sanem squealed, sealing the printed tickets and information brochure inside a signed card, which she tucked inside an envelope and hid in her sock drawer. 

 

 

   Thursday greeted them with a sudden drop in temperature. Sanem had been intending to walk around the park with Leyla at lunchtime. But she didn't have enough layers to keep the icy breeze at bay. They ate lunch in Leyla's office, but eventual Sanem became restless and decided to brave the weather anyway – only after stealing Can's coat.

 

 

   "Do you think it will snow soon?" Leyla wondered, watching as her breath left a trail of mist in the air. Sanem's arm hooked around her sister's, as they strolled along the path.

   "I hope so," Sanem said dreamily, staring up at the dark, grey sky. "But not before the heating is sorted. Our house will freeze." When Sanem glanced down again, she noticed a little grey cat had appeared from under a bush to their right. It was watching them, yellow eyes blinking slowly. Sanem had to say hello.

   "You must be so cold out here my friend." She cooed, reach a hand out to the cat in invitation. "I hope you have somewhere warm to go." She spoke softly. The grey tabby crept forward, then nuzzled his head against Sanem's hand. It stayed for a moment enjoying the attention, before disappearing back under the bush. Sanem stood back up, taking Leyla's arm again – who had been patiently waiting for Sanem to finish introducing herself.

   They continued walking. After a while, Leyla enquired about what her sister had planned for Mevkibe and Nihat's gift.

   "It's a surprise," Sanem grinned. "I don't trust you not to tell them."

   "You don't trust me?" Leyla pretended to be offended, slapping her sister's arm.

   "Not with this. It's too important." Sanem shook her head. "I am so excited for them to find out. I don't want anything to ruin it." She beamed.

   "It must be important if you won't even tell  _me_." Leyla mused.

   "It is. They are going to love it." Leyla watched the twinkling in her sister's eyes. Curiosity beginning to burn within her. But she knew her sister, there was no way she would wittingly reveal it, Leyla would have to be sneaky.

   "Alright," She sighed light-heartedly. "Keep your secrets." Which made them both laugh.

 

 

   They continued walking until Sanem stopped dead in her tracks. The air smelt sweet, a scent she recognised. Sanem dragged her sister around the corner to discover the familiar sight of a doughnut van. A man stood inside, wrapped up in layers of scarves and a thick fluffy coat. Sanem didn't know his name, but recognised his face. He was often in the park with the van, which had 'The Doughnut Man' written in big red cursive letters over the side. It's what she had grown to call him.

   He smiled in recognition when he saw Sanem, waving to both of them as they made their way over. He hadn't been around for the last few weeks. Sanem had missed him; he made the best doughnuts in the world.

   "Sanem, we just had lunch!" Leyla laughed as her sister unhooked their arms and peered through the van's display window, to where a batch of dough balls were being deep fried. Leyla had to admit, they smelt amazing.

   "I know but I'm still hungry. And they look so warm." Sanem sighed. She ordered four. Then tried to convince Leyla that she would save two for Can - Leyla had a sneaky suspicion her sister might eat the whole lot.

   "How do you eat so much Sanem? This is a lot even for you." Leyla joked. Sanem shrugged, looking a bit sheepish. Leila stilled for a moment, watching Sanem bite into her first doughnut, leaving her with a patch of powdered sugar on her nose.

 _She really has been eating a lot lately,_  Leyla thought. Her eyes flickered down to Sanem's stomach. Not that she could see anything. Being mid-winter, Sanem's frame was hidden under layers of clothes and a coat.

 _Could she be...?_   _No..._

_Is that the surprise?_

 

 


	2. The Inquisition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanem won't talk, so Leyla tries spying on her. Leyla spills the non-existent beans to Mevkibe and things are getting out of hand.  
> Both chapters have been re-written.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is another short one despite my best efforts. But as its the next day, I hope I can be forgiven. Writing is hard. I have no idea what I'm doing! I keep wanting to make them speak weirdly - like some of the translations. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

 

   Leyla spent the rest of the day subtlety trying to get Sanem to reveal something.  _Anything_. Leyla was doing everything she could think of to try to trip her sister up in casual conversation. She even revealed her own gift. A scrapbook she had made by hand, filled with photos taken over the last 25 years of their parent's marriage. Leyla hoped that in revealing her gift, her sister would be more inclined to make Leyla privy to her and Can's 'surprise'. But it was no use. She even tried showing her sister a picture of Alena, a colleague of theirs who was currently on maternity leave, holding her new-born daughter. Hoping it would prompt some sort of reaction from Sanem. To Leyla's disappointment, Sanem had only replied.

   "Who is Alena?"

   After Leyla commented that 'everyone was having kids these days'. Sanem just nodded and then excused herself to join Can in his office. Slightly frustrated, Leyla realised she would have to change her tactic. From her office, she could just about peer into Can's, where the couple spent most of their time working.

   Leila sat in her office, pretending to work while secretly watching them. She hoped for a sign, an indication that what she had guessed was true. She peered at them through the glass walls, ducking away when anyone noticed her spying. The distraction was preventing her from getting on with anything productive. She couldn't help herself, she was too excited. Besides, the company had just finalised a big project at the end of last week. There was little to be doing right now. She could allow herself this indulgence. 

   After a while, Sanem left Can's office to fetch them both some tea. Leyla stood up. Now was her chance to pry some information out of Can. Maybe he would reveal something. She made her way over, then knocked on his glass door. Can smiled and waved her in.

   "Is everything okay Leyla?" He asked.  _How could she uncover the truth while remaining discreet?_ Then an idea came to her.

   "Yes. Everything is well." She nodded and took a breath. "I just wanted to ask a question about the anniversary this weekend. Mother and Father want to know what your favourite kind of wine is." She made up on the spot. She needed a reason for speaking with him so as not to appear suspicious.

   "Don't let them worry about that." He waved his hand. "Perhaps I can bring a bottle for us all to share?" He suggested. "I am not fussy. I can buy whatever they would like. It's their celebration after all."

   "Yes, of course." Leyla nodded. "and umm ... Will Sanem be drinking?" She was proud of herself for finding a way to slip that into casual conversation. Well done Leyla. She knew her sister had an aversion to alcohol, but would allow herself a glass on special occasions; such as anniversaries.

   "Uh... No. Sanem is not drinking at the moment..." A small smile crept onto his face. Leyla noticed immediately.

   "I see," Leyla had to stop herself from grinning. "I will leave you to your work then." Leyla went to leave just as Sanem appeared at the door with the tea. Leyla winked at her sister as she passed.

   "What was that about?" Sanem asked Can, after Leyla had shut the door behind her. Sanem handed over his tea. Then sat in the seat to his left.

   "She wanted to know about my wine preferences, and if you would be drinking on Saturday." He frowned. The whole interaction had seemed a bit ... odd.

   "What? Why?" Sanem shot a glance in the direction Leyla had disappeared. "You didn't tell her about the tortoise incident did you?" She gasped.

   "Of course not," Can tried not to laugh. "You asked me not to tell anyone about that."

   "Good." She nodded. Then took a sip from her tea, pressing her palm against her face in embarrassment at the memory...

   It had been the last day of their two-week honeymoon exploring the Galapagos. The whole trip had been complete bliss. They had moved around the different islands, staying in small quiet ocean-side villas, away from the main tourist locations. The water had been beautiful and they had spent a lot of time swimming. Both under the warm sun and under the night stars. They had been on a few boat trips and even spent one-afternoon fishing. It was a successful trip and Can cooked the fish for dinner over a barbeque that night. They had also visited the nesting site of the Albatross. Where hundreds of the birds gathered together in pairs to raise young. It was amazing to see them all, but Sanem still thought that her Albatross was undoubtedly the most beautiful.

   It was the very last night of the trip that caused Senam so much embarrassment. She had gotten a little too drunk; which was quite easy for her. She had been paddling in the ocean only a short distance from their house while Can cooked dinner. Feeling giddy from the alcohol, she turned around to walk back to the house (or rather, the rustic wooden hut) She glanced up at the stars for a moment. Then suddenly caught her leg - on what she thought was a large rock. It turned out to be a giant tortoise. Sanem tripped and injured her knee. In her drunken state, she'd had a 20-minute long argument with the perplexed tortoise, as it tried to move away from her as fast as it could. She may or may not have sworn at the poor thing a few times. Can eventually had to drag her away. He found a med-kit and treated her knee, then spent the evening convincing her that the tortoise had not tripped her "on purpose". Sanem had decided to ward off alcohol for the time being. A decision she had, so far, stuck to. A decision, that Leyla was completely unaware of.

 

 

   Leyla returned home to find her mother in the kitchen. She greeted Mevkibe and offered to help, tying an apron around her waist. Twenty minutes later everything was ready and Leyla and Mevkibe set the table. Nihat arrived home shortly after and joined them. Leyla couldn't stop thinking about her conversation with Sanem, and the secret her sister was keeping. She couldn't contain it; she was as bad as Ceycey.

   "Anne, have you heard that Sanem has a 'big surprise' for both of you - for the anniversary?" Leyla asked her mother, trying, and failing, to keep a straight face.

   "A surprise?" Mevkibe lowered her cutlery. "A  _big_  surprise?"

   "A big surprise." Leyla nodded.

   "What sort of surprise?" Nihat asked.

   "She wouldn't tell me."

   "Why would she not tell  _you_?"

   "I don't know. I told her what I had organised for the both of you. Yet she still refused to reveal hers." Leyla shrugged taking another bite.

   "What sort of surprise is it, that she won't even tell you. Her  _sister_." Mevkibe huffed. She loved surprises. But she really loved  _knowing_  things more. Leyla smiled.

   "All I know..." Leyla began, looking her mother in the eyes. "Is that she is eating more than usual, and has stopped drinking again."

   Mevkibe gasped. "Leyla! Is it true?" Her mother looked as if she might jump out of her chair in excitement.

   "Is what true?" Nihat glanced, confused, between his wife and eldest daughter who were beaming at each other. "What's happening?"

   "I don't know if it's true. But I'm sure we will find out soon." Leyla replied with a devilish grin on her face.

 


	3. A Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanem and Can have a night it. The following morning they begin work decorating the guest bedroom and the study. Leyla and Mevkibe continue conspiring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is reading this. Especially those who have left kudos, comments or have bookmarked. It means a lot to me. I am really enjoying writing this and I'm hoping you are finding it as amusing as I am.
> 
> Enjoy.

The rest of the week passed uneventfully. Can managed to acquire a new small advertising contract, so the office became busy with activity again. Leyla struggled to find time to question her sister further, becoming too swamped with work.

Friday evening came around quickly. Sanem wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed with Can for a movie night. The house refurbishments were nearly complete. The radiators had been installed. Only the spare bedroom and study still required decorating and furnishing. They had planned to do so over the weekend. Hoping to start in the morning, before the anniversary dinner, and finish Sunday evening. Knowing they would be busy for the next two days, neither of them were very interested in cooking. Sanem was happy to admit that her culinary skills had marginally improved in the last few months. Enough that she had become a help in the kitchen rather than an amusing hindrance. She still had a way to go before Can would trust her in the kitchen unsupervised, however. 

They decided to order pizza.

Takeout had become an unfortunate habit between them. Sanem was sure she had put a bit of weight on because of it. Can promised her she had not, but that it did not matter if she did. She was still beautiful. He promised they would start eating healthily again after today. But then, he had said that last week too.

"We need a salad at least." She insisted. Can was chopping up tomatoes and cucumber when the pizza arrived. Sanem had wanted to eat in bed but thought better of it. Both of them had become very house-proud in their new home and didn't want to make a mess. They ate instead, in the lounge. A documentary on reptiles started and they settled in to watch it. Sanem nearly hissed at the screen when a segment about tortoises came up.

"Look at them!" She pointed. "Look at their evil eyes!" Can laughed at her silliness. Then wrapped her up in his arms.

 

 

The next morning Can rose early. Sanem was still fast asleep. He left her snuggled up in bed to visit the local hardware store. Their choice of paint colour had already been made; they had selected a range of testing palates and decided on a light blue for the office and a soft orange for the spare bedroom. A wine shop nearby provided the chance for him to purchase a few bottles for the anniversary dinner.

He was back in the house, placing the wine in the fridge when Sanem finally woke up. She came downstairs, still dressed in her pajamas and gave him a hug from behind.

"Günaydın." She yawned.

"Günaydın, Sanem." He turned around to hug her properly. "How are you today?" He asked brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

"I am perfect." She smiled at him.

She made some tea and toast for the both of them, while Can took the paint and brushes up to the study where they would be working. Sanem changed out of her pajamas into the overalls Can had lent her. They were old and covered in paint splotches from the other rooms they had already decorated. They were also way too big. She had to roll the sleeves four times before her hands could reach through.

They both set to work. Using paint rollers to cover the majority of walls in the pretty sky-blue colour Sanem had chosen. Can used a smaller brush around the doorframe. Sanem took a break. Sat on the floor watching his careful brush strokes, she became entranced by the movement of his arms.  _How lucky I am_ , she thought,  _to be married to a man with a mind, body,_   _and soul like his._  She searched for her phone, which had been swallowed by the overalls large pockets. Then took a video of him. Sending it to Leila, captioned  _"The study is nearly done!"_ She stayed there, observing him for a moment more before she remembered something.

"Can, do you remember the conversation about dogs we had before we were married?"

"I remember." He smiled, knowing where this would lead.

"I think it's about time we got one."

 

 

After the second layer of paint had been applied and they were pleased with their handiwork, they both changed out of the overalls and had lunch. A few hours remained before they would be expected at Sanem's parents. Sanem cleaned herself up. Washing the rouge bits of paint of her hands and... nose?  _How did that get there?_ Sheprepared her outfit on the bed. Then, taking her time, arranged her hair into a braid and finished her makeup. Sanem checked herself in the mirror one last time.

Perfect.

Can entered the bedroom just as she had just finished getting ready.

"How do I look?" She asked twirling in her dress.

"Beautiful as always Sanem." He smiled. Soon they were both ready to leave.

 

 

Leyla and Mevkibe had spent the whole morning gossiping. They had decided, undoubtedly, that Can and Sanem's decision to move into their new house so suddenly was  _very_  suspicious.

"The timing is perfect. Sanem must have been feeling an itch. It happens when you're expecting. You start nesting." Mevkibe pointed out. Leyla nodded. "They even made sure to buy one with a nursery!"

"True. Although, I believe they have been referring to it as a study." Leyla countered.

"Study!" Mevkibe scoffed. "They just call it that to throw us off. So they can keep it a secret until the big reveal."

"You two are just making up stories where they don't exist. We don't know anything for sure." Nihat said bringing over the teapot to refill their glasses.

"Thank you, baba." Leyla took the teapot from him. "Perhaps you are right." It was at that moment that Leyla received her sister's message. She let out a squeal, causing her mother to jump.

"Allah, child. What is it now?"

"Look!" Leyla handed over the phone to her mother. "She has sent us a clue." Mevkibe gasped.

"It must be true. I am sure of it." Mevkibe said. "A study! Allah, it's a nursery! Look at the colour of it." She handed the phone to Nihat, who frowned.  _Could it be true?_

"How do you think they will tell us?" Mevkibe was buzzing with excitement at the thought of being a grandmother.

"When Alena was pregnant she revealed it to her family by sending them all sonogram photos. Along with a card, that just said 'surprise'." Leyla said, taking a sip of tea.

"The both of you should be careful when they arrive. I don't want you upsetting Sanem in case you are wrong." Nihat stood, handing the phone back to Leyla. He left to start preparations on the evening meal shaking his head at the craziness his wife and daughter were getting into. 


	4. The Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the evening of the anniversary... enough said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to point out I'm aware the anniversary timeline doesn't actually line up with the show. So sorry about that. The Aydin house floor plan also is a mystery to me but I don't think it impacted the writing too much. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. And a shoutout to Bluedove - half the reason I'm enjoying this so much is the thrill I get from comments so thank you for being the first to do so.

Can and Sanem arrived at the Aydin household at 6pm. Mevkibe and Nihat had already mostly finished cooking. When they heard their knock on the door, Mevkibe turned to Leyla. Both of them becoming jittery with excitement.

"Act normal." Mevkibe whispered to her daughter, then went to open the door. An exchange of greetings was shared as the couple stepped inside. Leyla helped her sister out of her coat and welcomed Can. Mevkibe pulled Can into a hug. While Nihat brought Sanem into his arms.

"How are you, my daughter?" He asked pulling away.

"I am very well, baba. How are you"

"I am good, thank you. Any news?"

"Some," Sanem replied, a small smile on her lips. "You will find out later." Nihat's eyes went wide. Sanem didn't notice. Mevkibe did. She nodded discreetly at her husband, putting a finger against her lips, before leading Can into the living room. They all chatted for a while, about work, the district and the new house. Nihat asked how the decorating was going.

"We just finished painting the study today. The guest room should be finished tomorrow. Hopefully next week we can buy the rest of the furniture and it will be a proper home" Can replied. Leyla offered to poor everyone drinks. She filled five glasses, placing one in front of Sanem too. As she did so, Sanem cast Can a glance. The conversation continued and Can ended up drinking both his and Sanem's glasses. He had tried to be discreet, but with Sanem's whole family on hypervigilant mode, he had no chance.

A while later Mevkibe excused herself to tend the food. Nihat followed after her.

"Mevkibe! I think we are going to be grandparents!" Nihat whispered.

"Shhhh!" She waved at him. "Don't let them know that we know! They organised this whole surprise, we have to go along with it." Mevkibe replied just as Leyla followed them in.

"Did you noticed? It looks like she has put weight on." Leyla whispered. Her parents nodded. "I can't wait any longer. I have to know. Maybe if I give you my gift now, Sanem will reveal their 'surprise' too"

"Good idea." Mevkibe waved her daughter into action.

Leyla fetched the scrapbook that she had made for their parents from her bedroom. Then all three returned to the living room. Leila presented the gift to her mother. Mevkibe carefully opened the wrapping. In the excitement of Sanem's expected news,

Mevkibe had forgotten to be excited about Leyla's gift too. When she saw it, and opened the pages her eyes welled up.

"This is beautiful Leyla. Thank you." Mevkibe flipped through the pages. Nihat was sat beside her, they both looked at the photos and memories. Mevkibe patted her daughter on the knee. It was a montage of photos from her and Sanem's childhood, the few family trips they had been on. There were even photos from before Leila was born. A photo of Nihat outside the newly purchased store, Mevkibe standing next to him looking very pregnant. They looked so young. Mevkibe got lost in the images.

"And what about your surprise Sanem?" Leyla prompted. Their parents attention suddenly pulled away from the scrap book, towards their youngest daughter.

"It's in here," Sanem revealed the envelope from her purse. Mevkibe's breath caught in her throat _. Could it be...might it be sonogram photos?_

"Can we open it now?" Mevkibe tried.

"No." Sanem said hiding the envelope in her bag. "You can open it later. If you do it now, you might be too excited to eat dinner." Leyla caught her mother's eye and winked.

 

 

As they sat to eat dinner, Sanem tried to ignore the strange looks her family were giving her, while avoiding the wine at all costs.  _Damn tortoises._  Mevkibe, Nihat and Leila ate quickly. They were eager for dinner to be over with. After, they all retired to the living room.

"Can we open our surprise now." Mevkibe asked.

"Yes." Sanem fetched the envelope from her bag. Handing it over with a large smile on her face. "Though I must warn you. It is not really a gift for now, it's a gift for May."

"May?" Mevkibe asked. That would mean Sanem was 4 months along.  _How had she hidden it for so long?_

Mevkibe pried open the envelope slowly trying to stop her hands from shaking. Leyla and Nihat held their breath. She pulled open the seam and removed the contents onto the coffee table. She found the 'happy anniversary' card, the plane tickets, and the information leaflet. But no sonogram.

"Is this it?" Mevkibe asked, slowly looking again through the contents of the envelope again. A slightly disappointed look on her face.  _Have I missed something?_ She shook the envelope – hoping something else might fall out. Nothing did. She glanced at Leyla who was also looking disappointed.

"What about the baby?" Mevkibe huffed. Sanem frowned, confused.

"Baby...? What baby?" Sanem asked, perplexed.

"Your baby!"

"My baby?"

"Yes. Your baby!"

"Mevkibe!" Nihat attempted to shush his wife, realising they had made a big mistake.

"Oh no." Leyla whispered.

"Sanem are you pregnant?" A confused Can leaned over to ask her quietly.

"No! What is happening." Sanem put her hands up in the air. "We are not having a baby. What made you think we were?" She asked her mother, who looked a bit sheepish, and very disappointed.

"Wait." Nihat interrupted. "You said you had news. What was the news?" Everyone turned to Sanem. Who was very aware that the news she had, was not nearly as exciting as the news they had obviously been expecting.

"We are getting a puppy." She said, her face falling into her hands.

 

 

Mevkibe and Nihat spend the next few weeks apologising. After the disappointment had worn off, they promised that they really loved the gift and were excited to finally go traveling for the first time in years. Sanem finally forgave them, admitting that the whole situation had been funny. 


	5. Arslan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Canem meet their puppy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading. I realised I had been spelling Leyla's name wrong. So that's now fixed. Also, super happy that I worked out how to use accents on my laptop. I don't have to copy and paste them each time. 
> 
> Ao3 crashed while I was midway through this. I had a heart attack. Luckily it saved to my drafts. 
> 
> For anyone interesting, this is how I imagine Arslan...
> 
> https://www.pinterest.co.kr/pin/357895501624299036/  
> https://www.pinterest.com/pin/770045236256088008/
> 
> Enjoy!

Weeks had passed since the anniversary. Sanem and Can's house was finished, finally. To celebrate, they hadinvited the whole office over for the evening on Friday.

Sanem had installed fairly lights over pergola above the back porch. Multi-coloured glass lanterns were hung from trees. Boxes of winter flowers dotted around the deck - hydrangeas and camellias - a moving in gift from Sanem's parents.

Their new garden was beautiful. They wanted to show it off to everyone. Luckily they had a small outdoor fireplace where everyone could congregate without getting too cold. Months of Can's guarding work had left a pile of trimmings, leaves and branches ready for the fire.

Sanem spent the party showing Ceycey and Deren around the property. Downstairs consisted of three rooms. An open plan kitchen, dining area and living room, took up most of the space. There was a spare room (currently being used for storage) and a single bathroom. To the back of the house, near the arrangement of sofas circling the fireplace and tv, was a sliding glass door. Through here brought them out on to the deck. The pergola overhead was entwined with vines and twinkling white fairy lights. Short steps led down to the garden. The fireplace only a meter away - surrounded by cushioned deck chairs.

By now, Deren had warmed to Sanem. In a discussion seven months ago, Sanem had promised she was not trying to steal Deren's job. Sanem apologised, admitting she had great respect for Deren, and hoped to continue learning from her. Eventually, Deren had moved on from Can. Sanem became an official co-creative director, under Deren's guidance and supervision. Deren quickly regained her confidence. Now working as Sanem's mentor, and not as a rival. Working close together had bonded the two. Now, Sanem thought of Deren as a close friend. As did Deren; not that she would ever admit it.

 

 

Sanem's parents visited for lunch on Saturday. Both were still slightly embarrassed about the pregnancy mix up. Though Mevkibe was still half convinced, and desperately hoping, she would get the news any day now.  _They had, after all, been married for nearly half a year._

"Any news about our grand-puppy?" Mevkibe joked while they were eating.

"Yes!" Can laughed. "There is a local charity that have a dog we like the look of." Sanem smiled at his enthusiasm. She had wanted a dog for years but her parents had always said 'no'. She was glad Can was an animal lover too. Sanem pulled up a photo on her phone, of the dog in question. Then handed it over to her parents. He was a beautiful four-month old German Shepherd and Golden Retreiver mix.

"I will admit..." Mevkibe said. "He is quite cute."

"He is called Arslan. We are visiting him tomorrow." Sanem tucked her phone away. "If the charity likes us, then we could be bringing him home next Wednesday."

"How will you have time for a dog you are both at work most of the day." Nihat hadn't meant the question in an accusatory tone. He was simply concerned.

"Yes. Dogs are like babies. They require a lot of attention." Mevkibe added. "Good practise for the both of you." Sanem rolled her eyes.

"He will be coming to work with us." Can said. "Being boss has its privileges." They had discussed the idea with the office. Everyone had all been excited. Arslan would stay in a section of Can's office. Making it easy to take him on walks in their lunch breaks. A secure section of their garden was cornered off and a large dog house constructed, equipped with its own heating. Here, he would stay if he had to be left at home for an extended period of time. Sanem explained.

 

 

It was all either of them could think about all evening. Sanem could hardly sleep she was so excited.  _They were getting a puppy!_  She had been waiting for this opportunity since she was 12. Can had been waiting even longer. His mother had never liked animals. Even after she left, his father didn't have the time.

The rescue center had organised a home check earlier that week. The property was perfect; they passed with flying colours.

The next morning Sanem woke early. She kissed Can until he woke up too.

"Günaydın my love!" She nuzzled his neck with her nose. "Will you get up? I want to leave soon!"

"We have all day Sanem," he groaned playfully. "You are such a child." He laughed as she jumped up, pulling the covers off the bed. She dashed into the bathroom to get ready, before he could complain.

Can drove the hour-long trip to the shelter while Sanem bounced in the chair next to him. He placed a hand on her leg to try to calm her down. It worked. Slightly.

 

 

They arrived. A short blond lady greeted them at the desk with a smile.

"Günaydın." She said shaking their hands. "My name is Eylül. Are you here to see Arslan?"

"Yes." They answered together. They were shown through to an empty room, where Arslan would be brought in a moment for the introduction. Can and Sanem were left alone.

"What if he doesn't like us." Sanem worried.

"He will love us, Sanem. Puppies love everyone." Can took her hand.

The door opened again. And there he was. Pulling against the lead, tail wagging, tongue out. Eylül released his lead, letting him run towards them. Sanem dropped to her knees as he bound straight at her. He was smaller than she expected. The photo's had not done him justice; he was so much cuter in real life too.

"What an adorable little baby." Sanem gushed. Running her hands through his soft fur. Arslan loped on gangly legs between Sanem and where Can had sat on the floor. Bowing to both of them in excitement, before rushing back to the other. Overwhelmed with all the new people he was meeting today. He trotted back to Can, sniffing his outstretched hand, then plopping his head onto his lap. Aslan calmed for a moment, enjoying Can's attention. He closed his eyes. Sanem held her breath.  _He is so adorable, my heart hurts._

Arslan jumped up again bringing his attention back to Sanem. He found a rope toy in the corner of the room and ran back, presented it to her.

It didn't take them long to decide they wanted him. Undoubtedly. Eylül agreed she was happy with the match-up. They were handed papers to sign and soon they were making the €100 adoption donation.

"As you may have been told, Arslan still needs a final medical check, and we have more paperwork to do on our end before he can be taken home. He should be ready by Wednesday. We will give you a call."

"Thank you. We look forward to it." Can said, smiling.

"Güle güle." They both said, waving goodbye to Eylül, before walking out the door.

"I love him Can." Sanem admitted as they made their way to the car. Can smiled at his wife.

"I love him too."


	6. Ahu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one is available to go walking with Sanem. It starts snowing and she meets an old friend in the park, who has a surprise for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so it was after 9. But it's the second chapter I have posted today.  
> Enjoy. 
> 
> One again, if anyone is interested. This is what the kittens would look like as adults. 
> 
> https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/16888567331669235/
> 
> https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/307511480780503755/visual-search/?x=9&y=9&w=300&h=293

Tuesday rolled around. It felt to Sanem, that the last few days had been the slowest in existence. Wednesday was still  _so_  far away. She was sat at her desk, arranging a colour pallet for the posters she was working on. It was nearly lunchtime and she was getting restless. Only five minutes to go. She sent a message to Can asking if he would be back soon. He was visiting another company with Emre and Leyla to negotiate a new contract. She didn't get a reply. He was probably still in the meeting. She pulled the sleeves of her jumper over her hands. It was getting cold. Sanem stood, walking to Deren's office.

"Are you busy?" Sanem asked, knocking on her door.

"I could make myself  _not_ be," Deren replied. "What's the problem?"

"Everyone is out. Do you want to go for a walk over lunch?" Sanem pleaded.

"Are you kidding? Have you seen the weather?" Deren waved out the window. The sky was getting dark as if it might rain.

"I really need to get outside," Sanem begged.

"I'm sorry. But too busy for  _that_." Deren said, returning to her computer. Sanem sighed.  _I guess I'll go out on my own then._

She returned to her desk. Confused, she couldn't find her coat, she looked around, before remembering she had left it in Can's office. She fetched it. Then pulled the gloves and scarf out of the pockets where she had stored them this morning, putting them on. She didn't like being in here when Can was gone. It felt too empty.

A large wire dog cage had been set up in the corner of the room, ready for Arslan who would come to work with them on Thursday. Sanem smiled in excitement.

 

 

The park was completely empty when she arrived. Her hands shoved inside her pockets and the scarf wrapped tightly around her neck. She breathed in the cold air, closing her eyes and sighing. It was too cold, her skin was turning pink. But she needed fresh air, so she put up with it.

Sanem flinched when something cold and wet landed on her nose. She opened her eyes to see white dots falling from the sky.  _Snowflakes_. Her face immediately erupted into a smile, she reached out to one as it drifted past her. It landed on her gloved hand, staying for a moment, before melting. Sanem looked up at the sky in wonder. She twirled around with her arms outstretched. She loved the snow. She just hoped it wouldn't get so heavy that Can and the others wouldn't be able to drive back.

Sanem continued on her walk. The snow wasn't heavy and her coat was waterproof so there was no need to head back immediately.

She had just turned a corner, back in the direction of the office when she heard it. A soft cry. She looked around and saw him. The grey tabby she had seen on her walk with Leila about a month ago. He meowed again, staring at her.

"Hello little guy." She replied, reaching down for him. "Are you okay?" He brushed against her hand, his tail stuck straight in the air. Then he trotted away. Sanem continued on her own path when he meowed again. This time louder and more insistent. Sanem spun around. He stared at her, then away, then back at her again. He seemed to want something. Sanem stepped closer to him, and he moved away again, watching her. He took a couple more steps in the direction he had been looking.

"What is it?" She asked, moving closer again. He meowed, then walked straight towards and under, a large bush to the side of the path. Sanem walked over to it, puzzled.

A second later he re-appeared. With something in his mouth. He put it down on the ground in front of her before she realised.  _Oh my god_. It was a kitten. A very cold, thin, grey tortoiseshell kitten. It didn't look like it was moving. The grey cat meowed again. He... Sanem realised it was probably actually a she... was still staring at her. Sanem reached out for the kitten. Keeping her eyes on the mother in case she became upset. The cat didn't move. Sanem stroked the kitten's limp body. She could feel a gentle heartbeat. She picked up the kitten and the mother cat dashed back into the bush. Sanem zipped down her coat and brought the kitten inside, against her skin, holding it securely with her left hand which she had pulled out of the sleeve to get a hold on it properly. The cat emerged with a second kitten. This one a wriggling cream tabby, slightly larger than the first. Sanem reached for it, the cat letting her take this one too. Placing it next to its sibling inside her coat.

"Are there any more?" Sanem asked. The cat stared at her. Sanem had a quick peek into the whole that cat had disappeared down to get the kittens. She could see no others. Sanem stood, careful not to jostle the kittens. She wasn't really sure what to do, but she knew they needed to get out of the cold. She looked down at the mother cat; she couldn't take the babies away from her.

Sanem reached down for the mother with her right hand, half expecting it to writhe away from her. The cat allowed herself to be picked up, somewhat reluctantly.

 

 

Sanem hurried back to the office, ignoring the strange looks she was getting from a few passer-by's. She entered the office making a bee-line for Can's office.

"Good afternoon, Sanem." Ceycey greeted her as she came into view. He immediately did a double take.

"Afternoon, Ceycey." She replied. Ceycey squealed as she walked past.

"Why do you have a cat?" Ceycey squeaked, attracting the attention of some of the others. The grey tabby in her arms started growling quietly at the unfamiliar, busy environment. Sanem continued through Can's door. Then placed the cat inside the dog cage, closing it. A gathering of people followed her into the room, led by Ceycey. Who was completely dumbfounded.

"Sanem?" Ceycey repeated. She turned around and unzipped her coat, revealing the two kittens.

"They were freezing." She answered. The others gathered around and began gushing over the tiny creatures. The tortoiseshell was beginning to come back to life. It let out a muffled cry. "I found them in the park." Sanem explained.

"What's all this?" Deren waved her hands in the air, entering the room. She stilled when she caught sight of Sanem. Deren's eyes went wide, and then she immediately sneezed.

"You can't have cat's in here! I'm allergic to them." Deren said backing away. "This is what happens when we let you go walking on your own! I'm coming with you next time, so you don't go around collecting any more strays!" She yelled, heading back to her own office.

 

 

It took a long time to convince the others to get back to work. Sanem sat directly next to the dog cage. She had passed the cream kitten back to its mother, where it began nursing. She held onto the smaller one, it still felt too cold. She kept it tucked against her chest, underneath her jumper. Her laptop balancing on her knees. It was at that moment that Can returned. His eyes flickered down to her as he walked through the door, startled that she was sat on the floor.

"Ceycey told me we have a cat..." He said smiling, walking over to the dog cage and peering in. "I thought there were three?"

Sanem nodded, then peeled the neckline of her jumper back to reveal the one sleeping there. "I want to keep them."

Can chuckled. "Of course you do." He paused for a moment. "Are you sure that's a good idea? We are picking up Arslan tomorrow."

"Please?" She begged. "I have already given them names."

Can sighed. "Alright... can I hold one?" Ahu, the mother cat, was glaring daggers at him. Sanem laughed at her.

"This little one probably needs some food now." She placed Ilkay next to her mother, taking the cream kitten instead and passing him to Can.

"That one doesn't have a name yet." She prompted.

"How about Ihsan?" He cradled the mewing kitten. "There used to be a stray that would visit my house as a boy. I called him Ihsan. I used to love him. Until my mother chased him off one day with a broom." He laughed.

 

 

Sanem and Can stopped at the pet store on the way home from work. They need supplies, food, litter, and a heated pet blanket. Sanem brought a packet of kitten milk formula for Ilkäy. She was definitely underweight. They also got a packet of raw chicken for Ahu. She deserved a feast for keeping alive two kittens in the middle of winter.

They arrived home and set the cats up in the study. Sanem arranged a tent of blankets for Ahu to nest in. Placing the heated blanket underneath. Ahu accepted it with a purr. They set up a bowl of food and water along with a litter tray.

"Thank you," Sanem said leaning against Can as they watched the little family. He peered at her, creasing his brow. "For letting me keep them." She explained.

"Thank you. For finding them." He replied. "Just promise me we aren't going to adopt all the animals in Turkey." He laughed.


	7. A Trip To The Vets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanem looks after the cats and takes them to the vets in the afternoon. Their arrival throws a potential spanner in the works in adopting Arslan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so turns out I did have time. Here you go. 
> 
> If you notice any mistakes please let me know. I proofread several times but I'm a dyslexic mess so things always fall through. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The next day they both agreed that Sanem would stay at home and watch over the cats. She called a vets office and booked an appointment.

They needed to check if Ahu was chipped. Can had been concerned that life as a stray could have left her with a few unresolved medical problems. Sanem also wanted to make sure the little tortoiseshell kitten was doing okay. Ilkay seemed to be improving, but Sanem had never had a cat before. Let alone a sickly, underweight kitten. She wanted to make sure they were caring for them properly. She also wanted some advice about looking after Arslan. The house was going to be busy when he arrived, which was scheduled for later that day. She wondered if their recent acquisition of the cats would be a problem with the rescue center.

Sanem's excitement at suddenly having a household of pets was subdued by the realisation that they weren't just pets, but living creatures that would need a lot of care and attention. She wasn't put off by the fact; it just gave her a sense of seriousness. If she was going to keep them, and love them, and care for them, then she was going to do a damn good job of it.

Sanem entered the study, now affectionately nicknamed the 'kitten nursery' by Can. The movement of the door caught Ahu's attention and she let out a chirp. The long-haired kittens buried into their mother's fur.

"Hey little girl." Sanem cooed. She had quickly learned that although Ahu liked attention – it had to be on Ahu's terms. She was very picky about humans. Can had spent the whole evening feeding her treats and talking to her gently before she had let him touch her. But god forbid he get too close to the kittens. The grey tabby seemed to trust Sanem around the babies and was happy enough for her to pick them up, but never at the same time. She had started wailing yesterday, disturbed at being separated from both kittens at once. Sanem didn't attempt it again.

 

 

Sanem changed the water in their bowl, topped up the food, and checked the heated blanket was still warm. She gave Ahu a quick scratch under the chin. Then headed downstairs to fetch the cat carrier they had bought yesterday. Just as she entered the downstairs bedroom, that they had been using for storage, she received a call. It was Arslan's rescue center.

"Günaydın" Sanem answered. She had been expecting them.

"Günaydın. Am I speaking to Mrs. Divit?" Sanem loved it when people called her that.

"Yes, that's me."

"I am calling about Arslan. I just wanted to confirm if you would still be collecting him tonight?"

"Yes, we intend to." She replied, moving the phone from one ear to the other. "I have a question though... We recently acquired a few cats. I was wondering if that would be a problem?" Sanem really hoped it wasn't going to be an issue, but many of the dogs they had looked at adopting had required pet-free homes.

The lady on the phone went quiet for a second. "Um... one moment please." Sanem thought she heard the lady walking away from the phone.  _Oh no._

Sanem's insides twisted at the thought of having to choose between Arslan and the cats. He was a cute, healthy, young puppy. He would have no problem finding another home. The cats, however... Sanem knew who she would choose.

A minute later the lady returned.

"That should be absolutely fine!" She said. "I just talked with Eylül, his career - you met her last week. She thinks he will be alright as long as they are introduced slowly. I would keep them in separate rooms for a few weeks though." Sanem finally took a breath.  _Oh, thank god._

Sanem explained that the cats were housed in their study and that Arslan would be kept in the kitchen for now. She was told to come by the shelter for 5 pm. Sanem wrote this down on a note, gave her thanks and said goodbye.

She clutched her phone to her chest and grinned.  _They were getting their puppy tonight!_

 

 

Sanem found the cat carrier and took it upstairs. She coaxed Ahu inside with a treat and placed the kittens inside too. Ahu arranged herself so she was curled up in a ball surrounding her babies. Soon Sanem had them in the back seat of her car, and she was heading off to the vets.

When she arrived she was asked to sign in, then told to sit in the waiting room, where she stayed for 10 minutes before her name was called.

"Sorry for the delay Mrs. Divit." The veterinary nurse said, guiding her into a check-up roam. She was a short, black-haired woman, wearing blue scrubs covered in little, running, cartoon animals.

"It's no problem." Sanem waved her free hand in the air, dismissively. "Thank you for seeing us at such short notice."

The vet checked each cat in turn, while Sanem told her the story of how she found them in the park. The vet smiled as Sanem spoke.

"It's a good thing she found you. Or they might not have survived" She said, looking over the kittens. The vet confirmed that Ilkay was severely underweight, likely due to worms. She told Sanem they were probably about three weeks old, but it was hard to tell as they were both smaller than they should have been. Ahu was unchipped and around two. The grey tabby was in near perfect health - apparently, she was also slightly underweight. Sanem was given a list of supplies to buy including flea treatment and a de-worming kit. After explaining about Arslan's arrival, Sanem was also given tips on how to use scented blankets to familiarise the animals with each other before introduction.

"I would continue feeding Ilkay by hand. She might be struggling to nurse if she is too weak. Ahu should be kept indoors, it would be good if you could bring her back when the kittens are weaned, for neutering" Sanem nodded, making a note in her head. She made sure to book Ahu in at the front desk, for 6 weeks time.

 

 

When Sanem returned home she released Ahu and the kittens into their nest. She snapped a photo of them and sent it to Can and a few others from the office, with an update message. Then she opened her laptop, sitting at the desk to try to get on with work, which was beginning to pile up.

A few hours passed when an alarm on her phone chimed. It was a reminder to feed Ilkay. Sanem went downstairs to prepare the formula in a large syringe, then returned to the cats.

Ahu had been unsettled by the journey to the vets. She wasn't pleased when Sanem reached into the nest for Ilkay, letting out a quiet growl. Sanem apologised and held Ilkay to her chest. The kitten mewed softly. Sanem offered her the bottle, and Ilkay latched on.

The first time Sanem had done this last night Ilkay hadn't understood what was happening, she failed to eat much. It had worried Sanem into thinking the kitten would never get the hang of it. She needed to eat. Or she wouldn't gain back her strength. But Sanem's worries had been unfounded, that morning Ilkay had figured out how to use the syringe and had no trouble since.

The kitten's front legs reached out, grasping the air as Sanem fed her.

When Ilkay began refusing more food, Sanem placed her back against her mother, then returned to her laptop. Sighing at the build-up of emails she had received. She set to work.


	8. A New Puppy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Canem pick up Arslan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I am working without a beta, so if you notice anything that's slipped through my multiple read-throughs, please let me know!
> 
> Also, I am super bashfull with twitter. If someone could tweet a link of this out to the twitter tags, you would be my angle.
> 
> Kudos give me life, comments envigorate my soul.

Can returned home at 3:45 pm. He left work early, knowing they would need time to drive to the adoption center, which was an hour away. He found his wife sat at the desk in the kitten nursery. The cats were curled up asleep in their tent, in-between the desk and tall, weeping fig plant that was potted in the left-hand corner of the room. The desk was made of pastel-blue stained wood and was positioned just in front of the window, which gave a view down one side of the property.

Sanem heard him enter. Then turned around as he pulled her into his arms.

"I missed you at work today." He whispered into the skin of her neck.

"I missed you too."

Sanem updated him on the trip to the vets, and about her call to the rescue center, while Can sat holding Ihsan. The little kitten mewed and attempted to snuggle into Can's t-shirt. Sanem thought it was one of the cutest things she had ever seen. Her husband was rapidly falling in love with the little, light-ginger tabby. He definitely had a favourite.

They both sat watching the little family for a moment. Eventually, Sanem noticed the time and jumped to her feet.

"We have to go! We have to go, Arslan is waiting." She squealed. Can tucked the kitten back beside his mother and let Sanem pull him to his feet.

 

 

The drive only took them 50 minutes; Can rushed. When they arrived Eylül was already waiting in the front room with Arslan. She smiled at them as they entered, both with giddy expressions on their faces. They signed the last few pieces of paperwork and were given a few information packets. Then they completed the ceremonial swapping of leads. Sanem hooked the lead they had brought with them, onto Arslan's harness. He was still too small to be attached by the collar. Eylül unclipped hers, and suddenly they had a new dog. Eylül congratulated them and wished them luck.

Sanem picked Arslan up to take him out to the car. He wriggled in her arms. Attempting to lick her face, which made her giggle. The travel cage had already been installed in Can's car. Sanem placed him inside, giving a last kiss to his forehead.

 

 

Soon they returned, pulling into the driveway. They released Arslan into the house. His feet pattered on the wooden floorboards as he rushed around, becoming acquainted with his new home. Can called him over to the corner of the lounge, near the sliding glass door that led to the garden. They had set up a bed for him here. A chequered brown dog bed, with a soft, faux fur interior. Sanem had placed one of the cat's blankets over the top, to help him become acquainted with their scent. It was positioned inside another large dog cage. Sanem hoped they wouldn't have to keep him locked up for long. It would only be until he was potty trained and through the worst of his teething phase. They didn't want him eating the sofa's while they slept.

They spent all evening playing, and then cuddling with him when he got tired. Can brought out the selection of toys they had bought for him. Arslan was overwhelmed with the choice. Eventually, he collapsed in Can's arms. They moved onto the sofa, a movie playing in the background. Sanem leaned against Can's side, running a hand over the puppy's ears. The sight of Arslan's head resting on Can's lap stirred something inside her. All four of their new family members were going to be so much work. She wondered if they had gotten in over their heads. She voices this to Can.

"Perhaps. But it will be alright. I think we were fated to find them all." He smiled, stroking Arslan's fur. "But we should defiantly stop now. The house is getting a bit full." He chuckled. Sanem hummed in response.

 

 

They tried going to sleep, leaving Arslan downstairs. They really did try. But in the end, after 40 minutes of howling and crying, he found his way to the foot of their bed. Curled up on top of the duvet.

 

 

The next morning, Sanem woke early to a strange feeling rising in her chest. Something didn't feel right. She dashed to the bathroom. Arslan, suddenly awake, chased after her, jumping down from the bed. Sanem doubled over the toilet bowl, the contents of her stomach emptying into it. Arslan watched her carefully. When the spasms finally stopped, Sanem groaned and leaned back against the wall.


	9. Two Pink Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arslan comes to work. Sanem isn't feeling well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank Bluedove, Heartlessincarolina and McDannoIsANagron for their love and comments. It means a lot to me.
> 
> Enjoy!

Sanem brushed her hand through her hair. She had been feeling a bit off since last evening. They had eaten some suspicious looking left-overs for dinner last night. They had been too caught up in their not-so-little puppy to want to cook anything. She wasn't entirely surprised it had come back up.

Arslan was still looking at her, his tongue hanging out.

"Alright, bebek?" She reached out for him and he immediately trotted over. Jumping on to her lap and letting himself be fussed over with a grin on his face. She loved this dog, his silly little grins, his lanky legs, and his soft blond fur. She ran her fingers through it, sighing in annoyance that she had missed out on extra sleep.

Sanem sighed. Well, she was awake now, she might as well get ready for work.

 

 

Fifteen minutes later she returned to the bedroom and changed out of her pajamas. Can was still fast asleep. She checked her phone – 7.30 am. Still 15 minutes before her alarm would go off. Sanem sat down on the bed, encouraging Arslan to join her. She laid down, Arslan nuzzling into her arms. Sanem presses a kiss to his fur, then let her eyes close again.  _Just for a minute._

 

 

The alarm shocked Sanem awake. She groaned, stretching her arms above her head, consequently unraveling them from around Arslan, who was still lying beside her. Sanem's eyes flickered open to find Can's staring at her. Or rather, staring at the dog cuddled up against her chest. She flashed an innocent smile at her husband.

They didn't want to let Arslan get used to this. He wasn't supposed to be sleeping in the bed. Can just rolled his eyes, trying not to laugh.

 

 

Can got ready as Sanem went to check on the cats. Their food and water had been replaced last night, and their litter tray cleaned.

Sanem slid inside, pushing Arslan away with her with her leg when he tried to nuzzle his way through the door. Ahu chirped at her from where she was sat on the window – her favourite spot when she needed a break. The kittens were sleeping peacefully in the nest.

"Günaydın, Ahu." Sanem greeted, rubbing the cat's chin. "I will be back at lunch time." Sanem promised. Outside the door, Arslan began whining. She left, then led the puppy downstairs, letting him out the sliding glass doors to relieve himself. The rescue center had done a remarkable job in house training him, he was only 5 months old but had managed to go the whole night without an accident.

Arslan had been let in the garden briefly last night, but it was still a very new and exciting place. He ran around like a bumblebee in a flower field, sniffing flowers, chasing leaves, chewing up sticks, his tongue hanging out his mouth.

Sanem considered making breakfast but thought better of it, her stomach was still slightly unsettled. She was sure she would be fine to go to work. The feeling had mostly passed, but she'd better not eat anything for a while. She poured herself a glass of water.

"Günaydın." Can arrived downstairs. He pulled Sanem into a hug, kissing her on the cheek. Sanem wrapped her arms around his waist, careful not to spill her drink.

"Günaydın." She returned as Can moved away to begin making toast. Sanem finished her glass, waiting for Arslan to return inside. Sanem hadn't wanted to tell Can about her incident earlier, he would only start worrying about her and really she was  _fine._

 

 

Arslan hadn't come back in by the time they were ready to leave. They spend 10 minutes chasing him around the garden, in-between fits of laughter. Eventually, they were all in the car. Sanem locked the cage door in place, rubbing his face when he stuck his nose through the bars. She was excited to show Arslan off to everyone. Leila had been waiting to meet him for weeks, Ceycey and Güliz had been animated about the idea of having a dog in the office.

 

 

The whole workforce was in chaos for the first forty minutes after their arrival. Everyone was fawning over Arslan, who couldn't get enough of the attention. He spent the whole morning blissfully being goaded from person to person, moving from under one desk to the other. It worked well for Sanem and Can, as they found there was always someone willing to watch him whenever they needed to concentrate on work. Güliz even offered to dog-sit for any 'future trip they might be planning.'

Two hours passed before Arslan ran out of steam. Ceycey had burst into the office, screaming that Arslan had 'collapsed'.

"He's dead! He's dead, we killed him!"

"Calm down, Ceycey." Leylaa followed him in, the exhausted puppy in her arms, his eyes straining to stay open. "He just fell asleep. Babies do that all of a sudden. It's normal." She shifted the gangly dog in her arms "Offf, he is surprisingly heavy." Leyla said, placing him onto the dog bed in the corner of Can's office. As Sanem had expected, Leyla had fallen head-over-heels for her dog-nephew. She smiled at the sight of them.

"Thank you Leyla, are you nearly ready to leave?" Can asked collecting the files off his desk. Leila nodded. They had a lunch meeting with a potential client. If they were successful, it would be the biggest contract the company had ever received, a two-year advertising agreement with Kırmızı Kurt, one of Turkey's leading car manufacturers. Can had been nervous about it for the last few days. There was a chance it could extend into a permanent contract and Kırmızı Kurt was the most prestigious company they would ever have been involved with. The professional connections it would allow for could take their company into the big leagues. A lot was riding on this meeting.

Sanem was sad not to be going with them, but she had agreed to return to the house to check on the cats and look after Arslan.

Can kissed her forehead as he stood to leave. She sighed, leaning into it, then wished them both goodbye.

 

 

A headache had been creeping into Sanem's skull for the last hour. Like someone was shoving daggers into the space above her eyes, the pain was turning her stomach again. Arslan had been sleeping calmly for a while, so she left him in the office. She snuck into the archive room, needing a quiet place to work. It was also the only room without windows. She turned off the lights and sat at the desk, reading through the files she was working on. She could see just enough to read, without the brightness hurting her eyes. She  _needed_ to get this finished. It was only another 20 minutes before her lunch break, she didn't intend to return to work after. She could do this. Then she could go home and sleep.

 

 

Deren knocked on Can's door, expecting to find Sanem sat inside. She was not. Arslan lifted his head in greeting.  _Where had she gone, and left her dog unsupervised?_ Deren thought.

"Ceycey." She caught his attention as he passed. "Where is Sanem?"

"Uhh... I believe she headed down to the archive room."

 

 

Deren stepped inside. The room was dark, maybe Sanem wasn't here? Then she noticed a figure sat at the desk. She was slumped over, her head in her hands, her elbows resting on the desk. Sanem looked like shit. Wet streaks fell down her face as if she had been crying.

"Sanem?" Deren's familiar voice called out from the doorway suddenly. Sanem had given up on work, succumbing to the throbbing in her head. She didn't want to get up. She didn't want to move. Going home didn't seem like an option anymore. Sanem groaned in response to Deren's harsh voice.

"Why are you sat in the dark?" Deren asked.

"I think I'm getting a migraine." Sanem replied slowly.

"Oh..." Deren's voice immediately softened. "Would you like me to drive you home?" Sanem had originally been planning to get the bus.  _I can't believe I ever disliked you, your such as angel, Deren._  Sanem thought. She wished she could say it out loud but it's too big of a sentence for her to manage. Instead she sighed...

"Please."

 

 

Deren fetched Sanem's coat and bag, yelling at Ceycey to 'Get the dog.' He scurried away. Then she returned to the archive room. She took Sanem's hand and began leading her to the car park.

Sanem felt like she was underwater -  _deep_  underwater. The pressure was crushing her skull, she felt like her eyes were going to pop out of her head. Noise hurt, and light was annoying her. She worried she was going to throw up again.

 

 

Soon she was sat in Deren's car. Someone clipped her seatbelt in and Arslan was placed on her lap. She held tightly onto his long fur. He seemed to realise something was wrong, he pressed his nose into her belly. She found it somewhat comforting.

Moments later Deren returned again, Sanem was unaware she had even left.

"Take these." Deren handed her a bottle of water and a packet of painkillers. Sanem swallowed them as Deren got into the car. Sanem groaned and lent over the puppy, using him as a pillow. He didn't seem to mind.

 

 

They were halfway home when the meds kicked in. Sanem managed to sit up, but still kept her eyes closed. They sat in silence; Deren was not good at dealing with other people's distress. It worried her to see her friend in pain.

"Are you okay?" Deren asked, when Sanem seemed more lucid.

"I... I don't know," Sanem started. "I threw up this morning. I thought it was just a mild case of food poisoning... It went away after a while." Sanem waved her hand in the air. "And then this happened" She sighed. Arslan nuzzled his nose under her arm.

"You better not be pregnant Sanem." Deren joked. "The company needs you. Especially if we manage to get this Kırmızı contract. We are all going to be swamped..." Deren continued talking, not noticing that Sanem's face had gone white and her eyes had flashed open.

Deren let out a quiet laugh, then stopped, noticing Sanem's reaction.

"You're ... you're not ... are you?" Sanem turned to look at Deren, her heart beating fast, her mind racing. Numbers and dates flew through her head.  _Could she be?_

"Um..." Sanem replied with a shaky breath.

 

 

"Do you want me to stay?" Deren asked softly. They had arrived at the house slightly later than expected, a consequence of the impromptu detour to the pharmacy Deren had insisted upon.

"No, it's fine." Sanem promised, she was feeling marginally better, the drugs helping to fight of the pounding in her head and the queasiness in her stomach. They couldn't, however, do much for the anxiety creeping into her veins.

"Are you sure?"

"I'll be fine." Sanem said reassuringly.  _Was she trying to convince Deren or herself?_  She didn't know.

"Call me later... If ... If need anything." Deren offered. Sanem nodded, thankful, then pushed the car door open with a click, letting Arslan jump to the ground. He stuck protectively at her heels as she made her way into the house, fumbling for the key in her coat pocket, then sliding it in place. She waved goodbye to Deren. Then pushed the front door open with a sigh.

 

 

Twenty minutes later, Sanem sat on the wooden floor of the bathroom. Arslan lay beside her, his head on her lap, his eyes gazing warmly up at her. As she stared, speechless, at two pink lines. 


	10. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can and Sanem have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the new kudos and comments. 
> 
> I always end up underestimating how quickly I can have these finished. It's a nice long one for you.
> 
> The next chapter will be another few days.
> 
> Enjoy!

 

Sanem was in complete shock. She had wanted to have kids with Can; it was something she hoped would happen eventually. But now that it was actually here, now that it was actually happening, now that  _eventually_ had turned into  _today_  - the concept seemed inordinately daunting. This wasn't just a page turning in their life, this was like a hurricane rushing through the pages in a roaring bluster. Ripping out sections of paper from a leather-bound book and scattering them to the wind. It was entirely out of her control.

This wasn't supposed to be happening yet. They had agreed to wait a few years. They had been so foolish on their honeymoon; it was a miracle that nothing had happened  _then_. Sanem wasn't ready, she still felt too young. They had just taken on four pets for Allah's sake! They didn't need any more mouths to feed right now. It was awful timing.

The stress made her stomach seize up. She pulled herself over to the toilet bowl, bile rising in her throat.

Arslan was still sat with her, watching with soft, concerned, brown eyes. Her headache was going to return if she didn't calm down.

A few minutes passed before her phone chimed, alerting her of a new text message. It was from Can.

**We got the contract! :)**

_No, no, no!_  The whole office, including Sanem, had been praying for this for weeks. But now it just filled her heart with dread.  _Why is everything happening **now**? This is such bad timing. Such bad timing! _It repeated like a mantra in her head. Her mind flashed back to what Deren had said earlier. "The company needs you, Sanem..." Well, fat lot of help she was going to be over the next few years, stuck at home with a baby. She didn't want to give up work just yet. Two or three years, they had agreed. They would wait two or three years before trying.  _They had agreed!_  Such a shame her uterus hadn't gotten the damn message.

 

 

After a flurry of handshakes and "Thank you's", Can, Leyla and Emre excited the Kırmızı Kurt office building. Stepping outside onto the street, the sound of traffic filled the air and the sky turning dark and cold. Can wondered if it might snow again.

"Dad would be proud of us brother." Emre patted him on the back. This was what his father had been working towards since the company began. "It might be time to expand the office, maybe hire a new batch of interns. I think it's time Ceycey got a promotion." Emre laughed. Can nodded, smiling. They would definitely need more employees to handle the flood of incoming workload.

Can reached into his pocket for his phone; it had been buzzing during the meeting. He hadn't had a chance to check it yet. Can found a few messages from Deren, but he wanted to text Sanem the good news first. He sent his wife the message, then tapped on Deren's.

"Everything alright, brother?" Emre asked as Can's frowned at his phone screen.

**_Deren -_ _You wife is unwell. I have taken her home._ **

And then another one...

**Look after her.**

"I don't know." Can answered. "I think I'm going to need to go home. Sanem is ill. You two head back to the office without me."

"Is she okay?" Leyla frowned.

"I'm sure everything is fine." He waved them away. "I will let you know." He smiled reassuringly at Leyla. Can hoped Sanem was alright, it was unlike her to get ill. She was normally fit as an ox. Can sent another message to Sanem asking if she was okay, then headed to his car.

 

 

Sanem had curled up in bed. Stuffed underneath a pile of blankets, Arslan tucked-up against her chest. She kept falling in and out of sleep, but it wasn't very restful. Her mind was racing. What would she do about work? Taking on Kırmızı was going to revolutionize their little company. She didn't want to miss it all. Her role as assistant creative director was pretty essential. They wouldn't replace her, would they? Sanem groaned; they would have to. At least temporarily. Her eyes began welling up with tears.

 

 

Can found her like this, 30 minutes later. Asleep in their king-sized bed, tangled in layers of soft, fluffy blankets. Arslan, looking slightly perturbed at being held so tightly but putting up with it none the less, had his head poking out the top. He opened his mouth, letting his tongue flop out in greeting. Arslan shifted, freeing himself from Sanem's grip. He stretched his short legs then wobbled over to the edge of the bed.

"Hello boy," Can gave the dog a rub over the ears. "Have you been looking after mumya?" Arslan buried his face into Can's hands.

"Can?" Sanem called wearily. Feeling Arslan move away had tugged her out of her sleep.

"Hey," He said softly, walking towards her side of the bed. She rolled over to face him. Can brushed a thumb over her forehead, moving away the hair that had fallen there. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit." She moaned.

"Do you need anything?"

"I should probably try to eat something." She said, straining to push herself into a seated position. "Do we have anything dry? Crackers or something... I might be able to keep them down."

"I... I think so. Do you want me to bring you some?" A second later Sanem's phone chimed. Can couldn't see what it was, but it made Sanem's eyes well up when she glanced at it.

"What is it?" He asked. He had never seen her like this, weak limed and weepy eyed. It was like a dark shadow was settling over his soul. He wanted to protect her, to fight off whatever the problem was. But he knew he was powerless.

"I forgot..." She whispered. Can waited for her to continue, disturbed by the redness in her eyes. Sanem sat up straighter. "I forgot to feed Ilkay. This morning, and again at lunch... I didn't ... I didn't feed her." Sanem brushed away the tears that were falling down her cheeks.  _How was she supposed to care for a baby, if she couldn't even remember to feed a cat?_  Suddenly she stood up, wobbling slightly. Can caught her, but in a moment she was moving again.  _She could do this. She could prove it to herself._

"Sanem," Can called, concern dripping through his voice. He followed her downstairs, into the kitchen. Her hands were trembling as she switched on the kettle, grabbed the feeding syringe, then reached out for the box of powdered kitten-milk formula.

Can watched as the box slipped from her hand. Falling to the floor in a powdery cloud. They both stood in shock for a second, before Sanem slid to the floor, her back pressing against the cabinets. She pressed her palms into her hands, trying to cover the tears that were escaping in wet trails down her face. She tried to hold them in, but in the end, sobs began wracking her body.  _I can't do this. I can't, I can't._ Her tears fell harder.

"Sanem." Can breathed, stunned.  _What's wrong?_ "Sanem let me help you." He tried reaching out for her, but she didn't respond. He picked the box up, trying to salvage as much of the powder as he could.

He took over. Mixing the formula with two-thirds hot water and one-third cold, shaking it for a minute, then administering it into the syringe.

Sanem was still a puddle on the floor when he finished. He didn't know what to do. It broke his heart into a million pieces. At that moment, this felt more painful than anything he had ever experienced. More painful than any fight they had ever had. More painful than when his brother had betrayed him. More painful than the memory of his mother abandoning him. A thousand knives stabbed into his heart. And he had no idea how to fix it.

"Sanem." He leaned down in front of her. "What can I do, sevgilim?" She didn't reply. Can put the syringe down on the counter, then left.

 

 

Sanem wasn't surprised Can walked away. She was in no state to communicate, let alone string together a coherent thought. Her body hurt; her eyes stung from tears, her head was pounding, her stomach muscles ached from cramping. She was exhausted.

A while passed and Can re-appeared. He sat down to her right, avoiding the mess on the floor. He was holding something, which he placed in her lap. It started squirming.

Sanem moved her hands from her face and looked down to find a bundle of mottled, grey and cream fur. It was Ilkay. Can passed her the feeding syringe in silence. He would have done it himself, but Sanem had taken pride in rearing the little kitten. She had become possessive of this feeding routine, Can found it endearing.

Sanem picked up the little cat, holding her close to her chest and offering her the syringe. She blinked away tears as they escaped her eyes. Ilkay's soft purring helping to calm her.

The unintentional message behind Can's actions wasn't lost on Sanem. She leaned against his shoulder and began crying again, but for the first time today the tears are not caused by fear or sadness. But by relief. She wasn't alone in this. He was right beside her. They could do this ...  _together_.

Sanem turned to look at him, wiping the last few tears off her cheeks. She had to tell him now, or her courage would slip through her hands like water, she could already feel it dripping away.

"Can..." She began, her voice dry. He looked at her with a solemn intensity. She could tell that he was hurting, it made her feel guilty.

"Promise me you'll be near, that you'll always stay beside me." Her voice trembled.

"Always." He breathed, his brow creasing.

"Can... I'm..." She took a breath to steady herself, glancing back at the kitten for some moral support. "...I'm pregnant." It was the first time she had said the word out loud. A sense of relief washed over her, her shoulders felt lighter. Sanem glanced back at her husband. Her chest immediately tightened again at the pained expression on his face.

 

 

Can watched as the words fell from her mouth.  _Pregnant._  The word sent a thrill of joy through him, only for it to turn into pure agony a moment later. It wasn't the idea of her being pregnant that pained him. He desperately wanted kids with her, more than he had wanted anything in his life. It was the tears that accompanied the words that stabbed him in the heart. Did she not want it? They had discussed the idea of having kids in the future, she had seemed keen at the time. Had she changed her mind?

He pulled her tightly into a hug, careful not to crush Ilkay. Can surrounded her in his arms, pulling her tight against his chest.

"Sanem?" He pulled back after a while, gently cupping her face in his hands, holding her attention. He brushed a thumb over her cheek, wiping away a tear that had appeared.

"Sanem... Are you not...? Are you unhappy about this?" He paused. "Do you not want it?" His voice nearly cracked.

Her eyes flickered up to meet his. She didn't know what she was feeling. But of course she wanted it, how could she not. But she was terrified.

"I want ... it ... I want it." She reassured him. Can's joy flooded back, a smile creeping onto his face "But what about work... What about Kırmızı Kurt? What are we going to do?" Sanem held Ilkay tightly against her chest, who had finished feeding. "I'm scared, Can." She whispered.

"It's okay." He sighed, brushing her cheeks with his thumbs. "We have time to figure everything out, he won't be here for a while." Sanem's heart fluttered at the word 'he'. It didn't appear Can even noticed he had done it. It made her smile.

Can paused thinking for a moment. "I have been thinking... maybe we could set up a nursery at work. That way, you don't have to be torn between staying with them, and being in the office. It would be useful for Alena too, and anyone else in the future..."

"If it's too much then you could cut back our work hours. Maybe take Wednesdays off, or work from home whenever we need to... It would be a good opportunity to start writing your book again, and Arslan would love to have someone around to take him on walks anytime he wanted..."

Sanem listened as he kept talking. A soft smile had settled on her face in response to his rambling. He seemed to have thought this through, it might have just been a spur of the moment thing, but it sounded like he had been considering all this for a while. Her heart had settled and the pain in her head depleted. She leaned against him, stroking Ilkay's soft fur and letting Can's words calm her down.

She loved him. She couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else. Eventually, they both got uncomfortable sitting on the floor. Can pulled Sanem to her feet. Then grabbed a packet of crackers from the cupboard and led Sanem to the sofa. They laid down, Ilkay nestled in between their bodies. Sanem ran a hand over her fur.

Can kept talking; about how happy he was, about all the dreams he had for the three of them. About the camping trips they could go on together in a few years,  _as a_   _family_. She knew he was being sincere, as he had this stupid, absent-minded smile on his face the whole time.

Eventually, the redness in her eyes disappeared. He managed to make her smile, and even laugh.

They had been lying there for a while when Can had a thought.  _Was it...? Was it that night...? When she had dressed in that damn perfect, little black outfit?_

Sanem blushed when he suggested it, covering her eyes with one hand in embarrassment at the memory. She had done the maths earlier. Yes, it most definitely was. They both laughed, then Can stilled again.

"But wouldn't that mean..." He began, her eyes met his. "...that you actually were pregnant already, the night of your parent's anniversary?" Oh.  _Oh.._. They both started laughing again.

 

 

They spent the next hour entwined together on the couch. Sanem managed to eat a few crackers after Can's prompting, along with a glass of water. After a while, Ilkay fell asleep in Sanem's arms and Sanem fell asleep in Can's. He brushed a hand through her hair, then gently placed his other hand onto her stomach. His heart was frazzled; it had been on such a roller-coaster today. He had always imagined this would be one of the happiest days of his life, it had been dampened by his wife's sadness. But, now that she was content and sleeping in his arms, he was filled with delirious elation. He was doing to be a  _dad_. Sanem was going to be a mother. The thought made his heart swell.

 

 

He carried them both upstairs. Placing Sanem on the bed, tucking the duvet over her, along with the nest of blankets she had arranged earlier. Arslan was still sat on the bed, he snuggled up to Sanem just as Can pried Ilkay out of her arms, who mewed in disapproval.

Arslan sniffed at the kitten but then returned his attention back to Sanem.

Can quietly entered the office across the hallway, opening the door to find Ahu pacing like a drill sergeant. The grey cat whined at him, clearly unhappy that her baby had been taken away for such a long length of time.

"Sorry Ahu." He whispered, handing her the kitten. Ahu picked her daughter up by the scruff and marched back to the nest. Can was just happy he hadn't been swatted by her claws again; she must have been warming up to him. He returned to the bedroom, then climbed under the bed covers.

He reached for his phone in the pocket of his jeans. Sending Leila and Deren a text, letting them know Sanem was alright. He didn't go into any further detail. He would wait for Sanem before spreading the news. He snapped a photo of his wife and the puppy in her arms, it was far too adorable of a sight not to. Then he settled down and fell asleep himself.


	11. Arslan Meets The Cats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to Bluedove, Sara, Mirella, babykanima and TAS_130 for their comments. I love you all.
> 
> This chapter was supposed to be longer than this, but as I promised you an update on Thursday, I decided to cut it short.
> 
> I hope you like it.
> 
> Sorry guys, there will be a new chapter this evening (20th). I had such as faff putting it on wattpad, and then having to make a timeline so that everything actually makes chronological sense in this verse. But it's on its way now.

 

Sanem woke up in Can's arms, feeling a pleasant sense of calmness wash over her. Arslan was sat at her feet, or perhaps it would have been more accurate to say he was sat  _on_  her feet. She smiled. It seemed they had already given up on the 'no dog in the bed' rule.

The throbbing in her head had cleared allowing her to think clearly again. Sanem felt like she had been trapped inside a heavy, thundering storm of hormones and discomfort all day. Now she had finally found shelter - in Can's arms. The thought of the little human growing inside of her still made her nervous, but it was more manageable now. Excitement was slowly creeping into the spaces her fear used to be. A smile spread across her face as she pulled herself closer against Can's chest.

Can noticed her movement. He moved his arm, allowing him to brush away the hair that was cascading down over her eyes. Sanem tended to fidget in her sleep, which often left her hair in a state. He swept it away, exposing her face. Can needed to know if she was alright. Her eyes opened and she gave him a small smile, which he returned.

"What time is it?" Sanem asked, yawning. It was dark outside, but it had only been about four-thirty when she had fallen asleep. Can reached for his phone, checking the time.

"It's seven pm." He replied, moving back to let her cuddle up against him again. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. I think I'm finally getting hungry - which has to be a good sign. The headache seemes to have gone for now."

"And how are you feeling about... about the baby?" Sanem glanced up at him as the last word came out.

She didn't know how to put it into words. "I am happy... I just had a difficult day." She paused, her hands scrunching into his t-shirt for support. "I'm not used to the hormones yet. Everything just feels a bit overwhelming."

"It's okay." He said, pressing kisses against her forehead. "We can take everything a step at a time." He picked up her hands in his, cradling them against his chest, just above his heart. He leaned his forehead against hers, letting himself get lost in her scent for a minute. "Do you want some dinner?" He finally asked after her stomach rumbled and they both giggled at the sound. "Will you be able to manage something?"

"I think so... " Sanem replied, but she didn't make any attempt to move. "Can we just stay here a bit longer?" She asked. Can smiled, pulling her closer.

 

 

Twenty minutes passed before Sanem's hunger became insistent. She hadn't eaten anything all day apart from a few small crackers. Can promised to cook while she took a bath. He headed downstairs, Arslan following at is heels. Sanem walked to the bathroom, then let the hot water run from the tap. She added bubbles – she deserved it after the day she had endured. The lavender scent helped to calm her further. She stepped into the hot water. It quickly seeped into her bones, washing away the tension in her limbs. She sat for a while, enjoying the warmth.

The weather had turned recently. It hadn't snowed since the day she had found Ahu, but now it looked as if it would fall for days. Sanem wondered if they would get snowed into the house. She wouldn't mind. She could do with a few rest days; the morning sickness wasn't likely to go away anytime soon. She frowned at the thought.

Her eyes flickered down to her stomach. She was only just over a month along, so there was nothing to see yet. Curious, she reached out with one hand, laying it tenderly over the spot below her navel. She didn't understand how a human being could start off as something so small. How could a whole person be growing inside her and not even be noticeable yet? The image of her future baby bump appeared in her mind, a nervous smile spread across her face at the idea. Would it feel weird? Feeling herself grow to accommodate it? Or would it feel natural, like something she was meant to do? She sighed, brushing her thumb over her abdomen. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Can seemed to have a good plan. It had reassured her, knowing that she could work and be around the baby at the same time. Would she even still want to work when the baby arrived? Would she have time? Would she even want to leave the baby at all? Sanem knew, that if she chose to, Can would support her as a stay at home mother. She pushed the thought from her mind. Right now she wanted to work, so for now, that's what she would do. Decisions could be made later. Sanem just hoped that the pregnancy would get a bit easier from now on.

A while later, Sanem had washed and dried herself. She changed into her favourite pajamas, then headed downstairs. Can was cooking something with chicken, the scent greeted her as she walked down the stairs. She entered the kitchen, finding Arslan sat next to Can, hoping for some scraps.

Sanem walked up to Can who was facing the stove. She wrapped her arms around his torso from behind.

"And how are you feeling now, my little koala?" He laughed softly, turning around.

"Better." She smiled as Can pulled her close, she rested her hands against his chest as he began peppering kisses on her cheeks, along her jaw bone and over her forehead, until she was giggling. Then he pressed one last kiss to the side of her head. Sanem let out a contented sigh.

 

 

The food was soon ready. It was a simple chicken salad. It was quite bland – Can had found out that spices were not good for nausea. Red meats were apparently problematic, and anything too hot could cause issues. They ate on the couch. Sanem occasionally passed small pieces of chicken to Arslan. She attempted to feed him bits of salad too; some of which he ate, some of which he dropped onto the couch and stared at in disapproval. It appeared he liked cucumber and lettuce, he was indifferent to tomatoes but would scrunch his face up in disgust at spinach. Can watched them both, amused.

"He was very well behaved earlier..." Can began, Sanem's eyes flickering up to him. "...when I carried you and Ilkay upstairs. He was very gentle with her. Maybe we could try introducing them." Sanem agreed it was probably time.

 

 

After they had finished eating, Sanem grabbed Arslan's lead and they took him upstairs to the study. She checked it was tightly in place, she didn't want him dashing at the cats. Then she pried the study door open. Arslan was sniffing the air. He was clearly curious, he had never been in this room before. They let him in.

Ahu was sat on the window. Her eyes immediately snapped onto the dog that was walking through the door.

"It's okay Ahu, he won't hurt anyone." Sanem promised. Can entered behind her, impressed that Arslan wasn't even straining against the lead. His brown eyes peered around the unfamiliar room as he entered nose first, on tentative legs.

Can and Sanem sat against the far wall, giving the cats some space. Arslan crept towards the nest, his tail wagging slowly. Then, before he had even reached the end of the lead, he flopped onto his stomach. Ahu watched the puppy with distrust. It was almost as if Arslan knew how close Ahu would let him get to the kittens, before pouncing on him. Ahu continued to glare, her tail swishing in agitation. Arslan was calm and quiet the whole time. He watched the kittens wriggling about, with a tranquil curiosity. Sanem was suddenly thankful that they had ended up with such an easy going dog. If he hadn't gotten on with the cats at that moment, she might have burst into tears again.

After a few more minutes hey decided to leave Ahu in peace. The kittens didn't seem bothered at all.

Arslan followed them back outside where they fussed over him, telling him he was the 'best boy in existence', much to his delight.  


	12. A Check-Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can takes Sanem to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is a day later than I said it would be. It was such a faff setting this up on Wattpad, and then I had to go through the whole thing to make a timeline to ensure everything made chronological sense. And then it still needed writing... I have to admit, this wasn't an easy one to write. I'm not even sure I like it that much. Oh well. 
> 
> Bluedove, Sara, Mirella, babykanima and TAS_130, you are all my faves.

 

Sanem and Can stayed awake well into the evening; their nap warded off the need to go to bed at a reasonable hour. They returned to the sofa, the TV played in the background but neither of them paid much attention - instead, they talked. Sanem leaned against Can's side. Arslan was draped across both of their laps, his head resting on her lap and his nose pressed into her belly.

"Do you think he knows?" Sanem asked, remembering that the puppy had done a similar thing earlier that morning when Deren had driver her home. Can glanced at Arslan, as Sanem brushed her fingers over the dogs silky, golden ears.

"Maybe... It wouldn't surprise me. He seems very intelligent." Can smiled.

"He definitely is..." Sanem told Can about how Arslan had looked after her all day, how he had been a beacon of comfort to her when she had been in pain. Can frowned, he hadn't realised it had been that bad.

"Sanem." He said softly. "I think we should go to the hospital tomorrow. I know I said we would take things slowly, but you need to get checked over, to make sure everything is okay." He took her hand after she went quiet. "The migraines might keep coming back. We need to see if we can get you something for them." Sanem nodded; she knew he was right.

"Shall I book an appointment for tomorrow? I don't think it's a good idea for you to try going to work anyway, you need to rest." Sanem shuffled herself, and Arslan, so that her head was resting on Can's lap. Arslan re-settled himself in front of her.

"Okay." Sanem replied simply. Can began stroking a hand through her wavy hair, making her sigh. Sanem shut her eyes, enjoying the sensation.  
  
  
  
  
  


They finally went to bed at midnight. Arslan slept on Sanem's feet again. There wasn't any room in either of his human's arm's: they were too tangled up in each other.  
  
  
  
  
  


Can woke first. Sunlight filtered through the window above their bed, illuminating Sanem's face. Thankfully, she had slept peacefully. Can prayed yesterday's difficulties would just be a one-off.

He watched his wife for a few minutes, entranced by the way the sun brought out the mahogany tint in her hair, which fell in messy waves around her shoulders. She was beautiful. He made a silent prayer that their baby would get Sanem's hair. The image sent a rush of blissful happiness to his heart. Can just wished Sanem was as excited as he was.

Eventually, he rose. Can grabbed his phone from the bedside table, heading out of the bedroom to make the call without disturbing her.

The hospital was one he was well acquainted with - the same one Emre had been sent to after his car crash, the same one Can had been to as a child when he broke his femur playing an enthusiastic game of football. He dialled the number, asking the receiver for the prenatal ward. He was paged through and greeted by a cheerful lady who booked them in for a last minute appointment at 11.30 am that morning.

Can returned to the bedroom, whistling to Arslan who sprung off the bed. He led the puppy downstairs, then slid open the glass doors. Arslan joyfully ran out - across the decking, then down the stairs onto the grass.

Can went upstairs to the cats, he refreshed their water, filled Ahu's food bowl then cleaned the litter tray. The grey cat even let Can fuss over her for a second, as she walked to the bowl to eat breakfast. Finally, he wished 'good morning' to both kittens.

They were starting to venture out of the nest now. Under Sanem's care, their strength had returned - fuelling their tiny limbs. It was as if, overnight, the kittens had realised their limbs actually had use. Ahu was having trouble keeping up with them.  
  
  
  
  
  


It was nearly 9 am, the office would soon notice their absence. Can sent a message to Emre explaining that they would not be coming in today, but that everything was fine.

Sanem was still sleeping, so Can ventured downstairs and brewed the kettle. He could make some tea and prepare Ilkay's food in the meantime.

A few minutes passed and he returned back to the bedroom. Sanem shuffled as she heard him enter. Can placed the tea-tray down on the bedside cabinet, then kneeled down next to Sanem's side of the bed. She rolled to face him.

"Günaydın." He said, brushing a hand over her hair.

"Günaydın." She smiled.

"How do you feel?"

"Fine." She replied. "I don't feel the need to throw up so that's a start." She joked, sitting up. "Did you bring me tea?" Can nodded, then passed her the tray. Ilkay's feeding syringe sat next to the two teacups.

"Do you want me to go get her?" Can asked when Sanem noticed the syringe. She nodded.

"Get both of them... if Ahu doesn't mind too much."  
  
  
  
  
  


Ahu had moved to the window, watching some birds frolic around in the garden. She barely even noticed when Can retrieved the two kittens. She shot him a glance, then went back to bird watching.

Can returned to Sanem with the wriggling kittens.

"Why both of them?" He asked, pushing the door open. Sanem paused from drinking her tea. Placing the cup down beside her and reaching out for Ilkay, as Can walked over.

"I felt bad." Sanem cradled tortoiseshell against her chest. She picked up the syringe and offered it to Ilkay. "Ihsan never gets any attention."

Once Ilkay had eaten her fill, Sanem passed the syringe to Can, who was still holding the cream tabby. Ihsan finished the milk, managing to dribble most of it down his chin – he wasn't used to being hand fed.

"I can see why you insisted on doing this yourself." Can admitted. "It's very relaxing."

They both laughed when Ihsan attempted to lick the mess of his fur, only to end up falling over. The kittens were still unbalanced on their newly-discovered legs.

"Listen!" Sanem squealed suddenly. "She is purring!" Sanem had been fussing over the kitten. She had moved her fingers under Ilkay's chin when the chirring began. It was the first time either of them had elicited a purr from them.  
  
  
  
  
  


A few moments later, Arslan found his way back indoors. He made his way upstairs and into their bedroom. After a few failed attempts, he managed to jump onto the bed. He did a double take at the sight of the cats in his human's arms. Then he crept forward tentatively, nose first, wanting a better look.

Sanem let him approach, prepared to move Ilkay away should he make any sudden moves. But it wasn't necessary. The puppy laid down beside her and rested his chin against Sanem's arm, gazing at the kitten with an almost fond expression.

They stayed like that until a shrill cry from the study broke the peace. Can smiled guiltily, then rushed both of the kittens back to their mother.

When he returned Sanem was finishing her tea, he sat on the bed beside her.

"I booked an appointment for us at the hospital." Can said. He watched as she nodded – turning a shade paler. "It's just a small check-up, to ask about the migraines." He promised. Sanem leaned into him as he took her hands, which had started to tremble slightly. Can pressed a kiss against her forehead, then peppered a trail over her temple, across her brow and down the other side of her face until she was giggling. Arslan started jumping up at them, jealous of the attention.  
  
  
  
  
  


A few hours later Can was leading Sanem by the hand to the prenatal ward. They arrived at the front desk and Can checked them in. Sanem glanced around the room, then stopped – the sight of the posters on the wall was doing funny things to her insides. Too many vivid diagrams. She turned her attention back to Can as he thanked the lady sitting at the desk. He smiled reassuringly at Sanem, noticing the worry on her face.

Moments later they were called into a small white room. The doctor introduced herself as Dr. Erdoğan, she was a thin, white-haired woman with a fierce expression on her sharp face. Sanem thought she looked as if a witch had dressed up in surgeon's clothes. Beside Erdoğan stood a younger woman, who Erdoğan introduced as her assistant.

"Günaydın, Mr and Mrs Divit." Dr. Erdoğan said, snapping purple vinyl gloves onto her hands. "If you could please take a seat here." She instructed to Sanem, indicating to the examination table. Can squeezed her hand as Sanem sat. He stood close beside her.

"We are going to need to start with a blood test, it's hospital policy that we have to confirm the pregnancy before any other steps are taken. No doubt you have taken a test yourself but we need to run one of our own." Dr. Erdoğan explained, preparing a needle. Sanem shot Can a glance, her eyes wide. "You'll be fine." He whispered.

Sanem looked away as the blood was taken, holding her breath. The stinging turned into a dull ache as the needle was removed.  _Ow_. The sample was handed to the assistant who ducked out of the room.

"While we wait for the results I need to ask some questions..." The Doctor began.

The rest of the appointment dragged on for what felt like hours. Sanem dipped in and out of panic, registering only moments of conversation.

"any family history of cystic fibrosis - or haemoglobin deficiencies?"

"Not that I know of."  _Diabetes_? "No."  _Are you on any medication_? "No."  _Have you been drinking_?

"No. I don't drink." Sanem admitted. Dr. Erdoğan continued her interrogation, making notes on a clipboard.

"Any history of miscarriages?" Sanem's breath caught in her throat.

"I've never..." Sanem took a breath. "I've never been pregnant before." Can watched as his wife's face turned white.  _Oh no_. Maybe they should have waited a few days before doing this. He suddenly felt guilty.

 _"_ Do you have an estimate for the date of conception?" Erdoğan asked, making Sanem blush. Can coughed, and then answered for her.

Dr. Erdoğan pulled out a blood pressure monitor, wrapping it tightly around Sanem's arm - who winced as it pressurized. The doctor nodded at the results, clearly pleased.

The assistant returned a while later, passing a sheet of paper to Erdoğan. "Well Mrs. Divit..." She began, glancing at the letter. "You are indeed pregnant... approximately five weeks along..." The rest of the doctor's words were lost to Sanem. Something about checking for blood disorders and STD's?

"We will call you in a week or so with the results." Sanem just nodded along. It was Can who brought up the migraines.

"Ah..." Dr. Erdoğan hummed for a second. "Migraines are tricky - avoid medication as much as possible, take paracetamol if need be... anything stronger could be detrimental."

"Make sure you get lots of sleep, massage therapy might help. But they should ease away as your body adjusts to the hormones"

"It would be good if you could come back in in a few weeks for an ultrasound, and we will need a urine sample at the front desk before you leave." Erdoğan instructed bluntly, handing Sanem a small lidded cup. Sanem prayed that the next appointment would be with a different doctor.  
  
  
  
  
  


Twenty minutes later Sanem was finally back in Can's car. He had booked them another appointment, the sample was handed in, then Sanem had rushed straight out of the building.

"I'm sorry." Can said, taking her hand. "I didn't realise it would be that intense."

"It's okay." Sanem let out a shaky breath. "It needed to happen." Then she stilled.

"Can... I want to wait before telling anyone. In case..." She stopped, the words refusing to form in her mouth. "I need my parents to know, and Leyla will find out by default. But I don't want to tell people at work yet."

"You can tell Emre, and Deren has probably already guessed - but I want to keep it as quiet as possible." She breathed.

"Tamam." He agreed softly. He squeezed her hand one last time, then drove them both home.


	13. A Mother's Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanem confides in Mevkibe.

 

Can's car tumbled over the gravel driveway, pulling to a stop. Grey had overtaken the sky and gentle rain had settled over the windscreen. Sanem glanced at their house, the cobbled walls and grey paneling shimmered under a layer of mist. She wondered how different the house would feel, with three of them living there, rather than two. It had been advertised as a family house – with three bedrooms, a prospective nursery and plenty of garden space. It was one of the reasons they had chosen it. It had been a skeleton of a building at first. Bringing it back to life had taken longer than originally anticipated. After the honeymoon, Sanem had moved into Can's house, for what was supposed to be a month or two, but turned into four. They kept stumbling onto new problems – quite literally. Sanem's foot had fallen through the rotten floorboards on the back decking. Fortunately, she hadn't hurt herself, but it meant that Can, and the team of builders they had contracted, had to replace both the front and back porch. It had been worth the effort. They replaced the old cedar decking with grey-washed cladding and snow-white fencing, Sanem had installed a chain of hanging lanterns between each of the white support beams and Can had crafted a rope-suspended bench using the left-over decking wood.

Inside was quaint, but far from cozy. It still had only basic furnishings - they had not had time to amass enough trinkets, ornaments, and memories to decorate the whole house. The precious few they had occupied the main bedroom. The open plan living room and kitchen space was still barren. Sanem decided they would need to liven it up before the baby arrived.  _Oh no._  She shouldn't have gone down that rabbit hole, now her hands were shaking again.

"Sanem." Can noticed the tremors, his words gentle words pulled Sanem away from her thoughts. "Maybe you should talk to your mother, she might be able to help." Sanem nodded. He hated that she was feeling like this, and hated that he didn't know what to do to help. 

Can's phone chimed from his coat pocket. He had been ignoring it all morning and a pile-up of work emails and messages was forming. He peered at the screen.

"Leyla has been calling." He mused, Emre had also sent a few concerned texts. Sanem checked her own phone, she had been too lost in her own head to notice it trilling. Leyla had attempted to call her too; a mass of texts had arrived from Deren as well.

"They're probably wondering if I'm dying." Sanem joked. Can didn't respond, he was lost in thought, still staring at his phone.

"Is everything okay?" She asked.

"Evet... Something has come up with the Kırmızı Kurt budget. It's not a huge problem, but Metin wants to talk through it with Emre and me. Do you mind if I go to the office for a few hours? Or I could ask them to come here instead... "

"No, it's fine." Sanem interrupted, smiling at him. "I'll visit my parents... talk with them"

"Are you sure you want to do that on your own?"

"I think that might be better." She nodded. "I'll be fine." It wasn't just Can she was reassuring.  
  
  
  


Thirty minutes passed. Sanem stood outside the door to her old home, pulling the hood of her coat over her face to keep out the rain. A few familiar faces on the street waved in greeting to her as she knocked on the door. Sanem fussed with her sleeves as she waited for someone to answer.

"Sanem!" Mevkibe appeared, pulling the door wide and pulling her daughter into a tight hug. The house hadn't felt the same since her youngest daughter had fled the nest. Despite the grief Sanem and her craziness had brought to Mevkibe over the years, she missed her daughter dearly - the house was too peaceful without her. "Come in. Out of the rain" Mevkibe insisted, smiling.

Mevkibe led her upstairs to the living room. Nihat - she explained - was in the store, they should visit him later.

Walking back into her childhood home sent a surge of nostalgia through Sanem's veins. It was strange to have lived in one place her whole life, and then have to leave it behind. It was not the first time she had been back, but it was the first time the feeling nearly knocked her off her feet. The hormones were already rampaging around, causing havoc to her nerves. Sanem had been rehearsing what to say to her mother while Can had driver her over.  _You're going to be a grandmother..._   _We're having a baby_...  _Turns out you and Leyla were right_... But now that she was here, the words were getting caught in her throat.

"How is the puppy? And Leila tells me you have cats now too? Why don't I make us some tea!" Mevkibe rambled, picking up a tray of used teacups as Sanem sat on the sofa. Sanem wasn't sure where the courage came from but she suddenly heard herself say ' _Mum, I'm Pregnant.'_  The words just seemed to blurt out of her. Mevkibe dropped the tray. Sanem winced as it crashed to the floor with a clang.

"What did you just say?"

"I'm ... pregnant." Sanem repeated, her voice shaking. A wide smile erupted on Mevkibe's face but quickly disappeared when she noticed the wet trails falling down Sanem's cheeks.

Mevkibe stepped over the mess, rushing over to envelop her daughter in her arms. She pulled her close, rubbing a hand over Sanem's back as she sat down beside her.

"Oh, Sanem..." Mevkibe shushed. Sanem squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop the impending flood.

Sanem started talking - she found it hard to stop once everything started spilling out. All the worries, all the fears, everything she was terrified of, even things she hadn't consciously realised were troubling her; all erupted in a babbled confession as Mevkibe ran a hand over her daughter's hair.  _She didn't know what she was doing. She felt too young, she wasn't ready. She had no idea how to look after a baby._

After some time letting her daughter vent, Mevkibe pushed Sanem away, holding onto her shoulder's. She frowned at the redness in her daughter's eyes. Mevkibe took a deep breath.

"Do you want it, Sanem?" Mevkibe asked.

"Of course I do... With all my heart." Sanem sniffed.

"Then that's all that matters. The rest will fall into place." Mevkibe promised, brushing away Sanem's tears with her thumbs. "You know... before I had Leyla I wasn't even sure I wanted kids." She admitted.

"Really?"

"Really." Mevkibe nodded. "You father was completely useless when it came to children. We weren't in a good place financially; Nihat had spent all his money on the store. My parents lived too far away to be of any help. When I found out I was expecting, I was terrified... But the first time I held Leyla in my arms none of it mattered anymore. All my fears melted away,"

"When we found out I was pregnant again it was one of the happiest days of my life," Mevkibe admitted. "The two of you are the most important things I have achieved on this earth," She pulled her daughter towards her again. Sanem rested her head against her mother's chest, tucked underneath her neck.

"You will be fine Sanem."   
  
  
  


They talked for hours, Mevkibe retrieved the scrapbook Leyla had made, flicking through the pictures of Leyla and Sanem as babies, as toddlers and as children. They laughed, and they cried. Mevkibe, overcome with her own tears, wondered how her babies had grown up so quickly. It was only yesterday that she had been nursing them, raising them, teaching them to ride bikes, then drive cars. How had it all passed so quickly? And now she was going to be a grandmother.  _A grandmother._

"Why are _you_ crying? _"_ Sanem asked her mother, Sanem's own eyes going red again. But it was okay - because now the tears were interlaced with laughter as they both started giggling.  
  
  
  


Leyla arrived home to find her sister and mother rummaging through all the baby clothes that had been stored away in their parent's wardrobe for safe keeping. She called out a greeting as she stepped through the front door, then followed the sound of their reply upstairs.

"What's all this?" She asked entering the room, puzzled at the mess of tiny outfits covering their parents' bed.

"Look at them Leyla! They are so small." Sanem gushed, holding a pair of tiny white baby shoes.

"They were Leyla's when she was just two years old," Mevkibe said, smiling at the memory. Leyla stared at them both, perplexed.

"But why have you got all this out?" Leyla asked.

Sanem glanced at Leyla. Mevkibe glanced at Sanem, then Sanem turned back to Mevkibe, who nodded at her youngest daughter in encouragement.

"Leyla, it turns out you were right," Sanem admitted, with a cryptic grin on her face, now facing her sister again.

"About what?" Leyla asked, confused.

"About the baby," Sanem replied, letting the words sink in. She could almost see the cogs turning in her sister's head before Leyla suddenly let out a squeal. She pulled Sanem into a tight hug.

"Is it true? I'm going to be an aunt?" Leyla beamed. Sanem nodded with a smile when her sister finally released her.  
  
  
  


Nihat almost fainted when he entered the room later. The customary greeting from his wife and eldest daughter was missing when he stepped through the threshold of the house. It left him feeling unsettled. He heard chatter from the rooms above and went to investigate.  _What was going on?_ He stepped into his bedroom, taking in the sight of his family spread over the bed, amongst them sprawled all the treasures from their childhood.

"Mevkibe?" He asked. All three women erupted into silly grins.

"Good evening, Büyük baba." Sanem greeted him with a smile, holding an infant-sized onesie against her stomach. Nihat's knees buckled, Mevkibe had to catch him before he fell to the floor.  
  



	14. Red Wolf

The grey clouds had given way to a pink, evening sky by the time Can arrived at the Aydin house. A few seconds after he knocked, Mevkibe swung the door open and beamed at him.

"Come in! Come inside, my son." She pulled him into a hug, then directed him through to the kitchen where everyone was sat - moments away from digging into the meal Mevkibe had made in celebration. There was a restless joy in the air, Can assumed Sanem had already shared the news. His theory was confirmed when Can stepped into the kitchen and Nihat greeted him.

"Congratulations my son!" His father in law pulled him in for a hug, patting him on the back. "We are all very excited!" Nihat grinned.

"Thank you." Can replied. "I am very excited myself." He glanced to where Sanem was sat at the table, an untroubled smile spread across her face at the sight of her husband and father.

"Sit! Sit!" Mevkibe insisted, nudging him towards the chair beside Sanem. "I prepared plenty of food."

"Mother, that is an understatement. You cooked enough to feed the whole neighborhood!" Leyla laughed.

Can took Sanem's hand under the table, while the others chatted. He brushed a thumb across her knuckles, asking a silent  _'Are you okay?'_ Sanem nodded at him with a content sigh.

 

 

An hour of spirited conversation and exquisite food passed before Can and Sanem excused themselves.

"No! Don't go yet." Mevkibe protested.

"We have to, Arslan and the cats are waiting," Sanem said, hugging her mother goodbye. Mevkibe embraced Can in turn, while Sanem said goodbye to Leyla and Nihat.

"Look after her," Mevkibe whispered in his ear. It wasn't a threat, she knew Can. She trusted him. But she felt the need to say it anyway.

"Always." He promised. Earning him a gentle pat on the cheek when Mevkibe pulled away.

They all waved goodbye from the doorway as Can's car pulled away. It was quiet on the ride home - they weren't avoiding conversation, just simply happy to sit in companionable silence. Sanem turned the radio on and hummed along to the music that was playing.

 

 

When they returned to the house, they quickly checked on the cats - giving the kittens their evening meal then saying goodnight. Arslan was given his dinner, mildly perturbed that it arrived so late but happy to be given food none the less.

Not long after, Sanem and Can headed upstairs with Arslan following at their heels. They both prepared for bed.

Arslan, now overfamiliar with the routine, jumped up onto the mattress and settled himself at the foot of the bed. Sanem changed into her pajamas. Then she sat, crossing her legs underneath her, while Can finished up in the bathroom. Her thumbs twiddling in her lap. She thought over the conversation she had with her mother that afternoon, about a particular subject that had been troubling her. Mevkibe had smiled at her reassuringly and simply said ' _talk to him_.'

Can appeared from the en-suite bathroom, noticing his wife deep in thought. He sat down beside her, resting a hand on her leg.

"Everything okay?" Can asked. She nodded, frowned, and then shook her head.

"Can..." Sanem began, unsure of how to phrase it. "I need...I want to talk to you about...umm" He held her hands in encouragement. Sanem took a deep breath.

"You have always loved traveling. Exploring - going on adventures. Your face lights up every time you tell me stories about all the places you've been to. All the things you've seen, the people you've met..." She paused, averting her eyes away from his. "Your adventures are such a huge part of who you are as a person. I don't want to be the reason you have to stop doing that but..."

"Sanem," He interrupted moving in front of her.  _Didn't she realise?_  He moved a hand underneath her pajama top and placed it against the bare skin of her navel. Sanem held her breath as he did so; it was the first time he had done that. " _This_  is the biggest and most exciting adventure of my life. I'm not going anywhere." He promised.

Can watched as her eyes melted into liquid pools of warm, dark hazel.

Then, suddenly, she was crashing a kiss against his lips and climbing into his lap. The weight of her made them both fall back against the mattress. Arslan immediately ran over poking his nose into their faces, making them laugh. They had to kick him out the room, before becoming lost in the familiarity of each other's bodies. They moved together, skin on skin. Can's lips locked onto her neck, as a fire ignited within both of them. Their pajamas were soon in a heap on the floor.

It was in that moment, that the last of Sanem's fear dripped away, evaporating with the heat of his touch. Allowing her mind to finally reach a desperately sought tranquillity.

_She was fine. They were fine._

_They could do this._

 

 

The return to work the next week witnessed a flurry of activity. Everyone was busy with the Kırmızı Kurt contract. Sanem managed to brush away her absence at the end of last week as a consequence of the flu. Now feeling fit enough, she returned to work. Consequently, Arslan also returned to the office - to  _almost_ everyone's absolute delight. Deren was still avoiding the puppy, but by the following Friday, her aversion had transitioned into apathy.

Sanem found it a blessing on Monday morning. Staying in Can's office with Arslan as a personal Deren-shield meant that she didn't get bombarded with questions from her red-haired boss. She had completely forgotten about Deren's mass of texts. She had been meaning to respond. She really had - she just didn't know what to say.

They weren't telling anyone at work yet. Leila had promised to keep it a secret. As had Emre when it had been revealed to him over the weekend.

Eventually, Deren became impatient and stormed into their office while Can was away making tea.

"Sanem, you cannot just go quiet on me after I practically dragged you into a pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test..."

"Shhh!" Sanem ran over, clamping a hand over her friend's mouth. Her eyes darting down the hallway to see if anyone had overheard. It was clear.

"We aren't telling anyone yet. It's a secret." Sanem whispered, moving her hand off of Deren's mouth.

Deren's insistence to find out had been driven more by curiosity than excitement. She had been the one to drive Sanem home. She had been the one to encourage her friend to enter the pharmacy, when Sanem had been frozen in the passenger seat looking like a deer in the headlights. She had been the one to take Sanem's hand and pull her inside, grabbing a handful of tests and walking up to the checkout. After dropping Sanem at home, Deren had wondered ...  _Would Sanem actually take one? Would it be positive? Would she tell Can?_

But now that she knew, Deren was suddenly unsure how to react.

"Umm, congratulations." She said awkwardly. "So...he knows?"

"Of course he knows." Sanem nodded.

"Right." Deren stepped back. "I better get back to work. Important things to do today!" She excused herself from the room, leaving Sanem slightly bewildered – but happy that it hadn't been a lengthy interrogation.

 

 

On Monday afternoon Can called a meeting to discuss proposals for the Kırmızı Kurt car advertising campaign. As usual, Ceycey proposed a long-winded concept. This one involved the cars sprouting wings and flying their drivers to their destinations.

"We could edit in white, angle-wings to the sides of the cars. It would symbolise the comfort of the vehicle's motion, as well as their speed and efficiency." Ceycey nodded, smiling.

"Tamam," Can said. "Perhaps someone else has an idea?"

The meeting disbanded without success, everyone was instructed to brainstorm over the next few days. There was still plenty of work to be done for the minor contracts in the meantime.

 

 

On their Wednesday lunch break, Can and Sanem took Arslan out for a seaside walk. Sanem had been suffering from a mild case of nausea all morning and needed some fresh air. Arslan was still unused to walking on a lead, he kept entangling himself in their legs.

They reached a large stretch of beach and sat down on the pebbles. Sanem combed through the substrate, picking out pieces of smooth sea-glass and the occasional pebble that she found pretty. An idea came into her head for a decoration to put in the bathroom. She slid the collection into her pocket, scanning for more.

"We still don't have any ideas for Kırmızı." Can began, sat beside her. "They want a presentation of our initial concepts in a few weeks. We have nothing." He sighed. Arslan was running around at the water's edge, chasing the waves. He had already learned to return at the call of his name, so they trusted him running free. Sanem watched the puppy, his rusty-golden coat glimmering in the midday sun.

"Kırmızı Kurt..." Sanem said. "Red wolf." She thought for a moment. "They design upscale cars, but want to start appealing to a wider audience..." Can looked at her, smiling as he watched another of her ideas forming.

"We could use a family angle - that way we would appeal to everyday people. We could show that the cars are perfect for parents." She said.

"Tamam," Can replied. "And how would we do that?" His eyes followed hers, to where Arslan had started digging a hole in the sand.

 

 

Thirty minutes later Sanem was standing in front of the board room, presenting her idea to the creative department.

"We could re-use the classical image of the Kırmızı Kurt red wolf – as their advertising has done multiple times before. But this time the camera will keep cutting back and forth between the wolf and a domestic dog – both of them running through a forest - so that it appears that they are the same creature at heart. Then the car would come into frame as the dog runs towards it, where he and his family are returning after an outing in the wilderness. We could use the imagery of the family group with their dog to signify that these are family cars, but maintain the rugged and wild look that Kırmızı Kurt is known for – through the use of the wolf." Sanem finished, gaging the room's reaction. They nodded and began bouncing additional ideas around the table. It was only a start, but a start none the less.

 

 

They spent the remainder of the week compiling a few other ideas for the presentation. Sanem's seemed the most popular, the one they keep coming back to and building upon.

At home, the kittens grew bigger and stronger. Ahu spent most of her time staring out the window as the mischievous little beans chase each other around the floor, rolling and jumping and doing the occasional summersault. Sanem found them amusing to watch. She sat with them in the few evenings when Can visited the gym, watching them frolic.

Then, one afternoon when the kittens had worn themselves out, they climbed onto her lap and fell asleep in a pile of purring mottled, grey and cream fur. Sanem's breath caught in her throat.

She didn't move for hours - she couldn't dare disturb their peaceful slumber.

 


	15. There It Is

 

At 7 weeks old the kittens were beginning to cause mayhem. Ihsan had already attempted to dig out the roots of the Ficus plant potted in the corner of the room, spreading earth everywhere and covering himself in patches of muck that disguised his coat into a matching tortoiseshell pattern to his sister. Ilkay had begun crying whenever she heard someone walk past the room - screaming for attention. Despite her small size, she was a very noisy and insistent little thing. Ahu was getting restless. She began spending more and more time on the windowsill trying to escape her children. Sanem desperately wanted to let them roam around the whole house, but with Arslan strutting around she wasn't sure it was a good idea just yet. Their introductory visits had been successful so far but Sanem didn't want to push their luck. It was her aim to eventually allow them to live free range all together - but it was probably still a few weeks away at best.

As the weeks passed, Sanem was glad that the migraines didn't return. The nausea, however, came and went like the tides. Some days she was fine, other days she had to fake a ' _pet emergency_ ' to get out of going to work. If any of their colleagues were getting suspicious, they didn't let it on.

On Monday morning they received the call from the hospital, letting them know that Sanem's blood test had come back all clear.

Friday rolled around. Sanem was sat in Deren's study on the opposite side of her desk. Both of them were going through a potential billboard poster with a fine-toothed comb. It was for a contract with a local watersports business; there was some discrepancy over which font to use.

To Sanem's relief, Deren had never brought up the pregnancy again. It was not Deren's zone of expertise and quite frankly, the topic made her uncomfortable. Work was something she understood, so as long as Sanem was happy to concentrate on that, then Deren was happy to have the pregnant woman around her.

"What about this one?" Sanem asked, spinning her laptop around. Large, black, curvey words overlayed the purple and blue background of the surfboard advert. Deren hummed.

"It's a bit too... cursive." Deren frowned.

"Sanem are you ready to go... for lunch?" Can appeared suddenly, leaning through the doorway.

"Oh... sorry. I hadn't noticed the time," She replied. "One moment." She saved the files on her laptop then grabbed her bag and coat from under the table. Her first sonogram appointment was scheduled for one o'clock that afternoon. The 'lunch' excuse was just a cover up - not that they needed one around Deren. Can had just gotten into the habit of being discreet.

Sanem said goodbye to Deren who nodded in response. It wasn't unusual for the couple to go out for lunch together – especially now that they had the dog. But they had been unusually cryptic about this particular lunch date. Additionally, they had left Arslan in Leyla's care; Deren could see the puppy through the glass walls. He sat by Leyla's feet - tongue hanging out and a smile on his goofy face.

Sanem had been courteous enough not to bring up the topic of the baby over the last few weeks, but it wasn't difficult for Deren to guess that today's outing was somehow linked. She watched as Sanem and Can walked down the hallway, past Leyla's office. Sanem said a final farewell to Arslan. Then her sister pulled her into a hug, a wide smile on her face. Leyla whispered something to Sanem, who nodded. Then the couple were on their way.

 

 

Not long after, Sanem was sat atop an examination table in a thin, checked, blue hospital gown. Her fingers tapped nervously against the foam surface. She couldn't stop glaring at the suspicious looking leg rests, contemplating their purpose. The image was suddenly making her bashful.

Can stood beside her. His eyes glancing around at the equipment in the little white room. It was different to the one they had been in for their first visit. This one didn't have a window. A tall machine stood on four white wheels in the corner, a computer sized screen sat atop its head. It had a keyboard with a range of dials and gadgets that made it look like something out of a sci-fi movie. They waited for the doctor to arrive as nervous excitement seeped into the air.

 

 

When they had heard that "Dr. Naysul" had taken over from Dr. Erdoğan, Sanem had blurted out  _"Thank god!"_  in front of the two receptionists on duty. Only to immediately slap her hand over her mouth.

"Don't worry. You're not the first person to have had that reaction." The receptionist reassured her, trying not to laugh. Can chuckled as he took her hand and walked her over to the rows of blue chairs.

This time, Sanem managed to cope with ogling some of the posters in the waiting room. Some were still a bit too graphic, but she managed to observe them with interest rather than nausea-inducing terror. A nurse finally called on them just as Sanem had been memorising the names of the various layers of her uterine lying. They were shown into the room, and Sanem was asked to change into the gown, then sit on the table. Now, they just had to wait for Dr. Naysül to appear.

 

 

Dr. Naysül, it turned out, was a short, dark-haired, middle aged woman. She smiled pleasantly at them as she walked through the door. Introducing herself as she shook their hands.

"Sorry about the changeover - Dr. Erdoğan moved to a different department." Naysül apologised.

"Oh, it's really no problem at all!" Sanem grinned. She wondered if Erdoğan had been moved to the morgue – it seemed far more suitable.

Naysül adjusted the table, raising the back rest. Then she asked Sanem to sit back and get comfortable. The doctor quickly disappeared outside, then returned a moment later carrying a tall chair for Can.

"Here you go, Sir." She offered it to him.

"Thank you." He smiled, positioning the chair directly next to the table, so that he could hold Sanem's hand. Naysül wiggled her wheelie chair around to the front of the table, dragging the ultrasound machine with her.

"Because it's still quiet early on, a normal ultrasound won't pick up on much. So we will have to do a use a transvaginal method using this little wand here." She explained, waving the contraption that was hooked up to the machine behind her. "The nurse should have given you advanced warning." Naysül smiled warmly at Sanem, who nodded.

"Great. Let's get started then."

 

 

It wasn't uncomfortable, but it wasn't exactly pleasant either. Sanem had been asked, to her dread, to hook her legs up against the foot rests. The position was making her blush. But soon it didn't matter. Naysül switched the screen on, and the black and white image flickered to life.

It was a mangle of nothingness until Naysül repositioned the wand and said. "There it is." Sanem shuffled onto her elbows to get a better look

If Sanem was honest, it didn't look like much. It was just a tiny bean-shaped white blob inside a larger pocket of black. But it didn't matter, because it was  _her_  tiny bean. And she loved it with all her heart.

"Everything looks healthy." The doctor stated. "Would you like to hear the heartbeat?"  _Oh, they could do that?_ Sanem nodded eagerly, her eyes transfixed on the image. Naysul reached forward and turned one of the dials.

Sanem stopped breathing when the gentle pulsing filled the room. The soft  _wush-wush, wush-wush_ took over her senses. The noise would be stuck in her head for weeks. A large smile spread across Sanem's face. She felt Can squeezing her hand and turned to glance at him. His eyes were red, but he was beaming too.

"Don't." Sanem warned him.

"Don't what?" Can sniffed, pulling his eyes away from the monitor.

"Don't you dare start crying, Can Divit!" She laughed at him. "Or you'll set me off too!"

 

 

They managed to get through the next few minutes with only minimal waterworks. After a while, Naysul asked if they wanted photos.

"Absolutely."

"How many?"

"How many are we allowed?"

In the end, Naysul printed out ten copies and permitted them to record the heartbeat on Can's phone.

Sanem spent the next few evenings listening to it before going to bed, letting the watery tone of the drumming lull her to sleep.


	16. Fingers and Toes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't even know if anyone is still reading on here. Most people seem to have jumped across to Wattpad by now. But if there is anyone out there... this is for you! 
> 
> I know this is only a short one. But the next chapter is quite heavy so I thought you guys deserved something fluffy and cute first after that episode.

Weeks had passed since the ultrasound but Sanem still couldn't stop staring at the grainy black and white photograph. In the rare moments that it wasn't in her hands, she stored it safely in the gap between her phone and its attached rubber case. It was the only place she could think of that would ensure she never left it behind. Sanem had snapped the case on and off so many times that the edges were beginning to wear down. She might need a new one soon.

Sanem had placed the second of the ten copies inside a photo frame, currently positioned above the fireplace in the living room. It sat in view of the sofa, accompanying the photos from their wedding and honeymoon. The third was tucked into Can's wallet. And a fourth was hidden in Sanem's sock drawer - as a spare. The rest had been distributed between their families. Can had mailed one out to his father who was still in America having treatment. Sanem had visited her parents soon after and proudly delivered them each a copy. Mevkibe had done her best not to cry at the sight of it. Nihat, unfortunately, had completely failed in that department. He had to excuse himself to the bathroom, apologising, as joyful tears fell down his cheeks.

The longer she spent fawning over the photograph the more and more real the whole situation became.  _She was pregnant. They were having a baby. An actual baby. A tiny, little human being that they had made themselves._  It all seemed so surreal, but here in her hand, was the undeniable proof. She couldn't help remaining slightly nervous, that much was natural. But it was excitement, not terror, that was overwhelming her now. Looking at the photo for too long would cause her mind to start buzzing and her heart to jump around in her chest like a jack-in-the-box.  _What would it look like?_   _Would it take after Can? A little boy with dark curly hair? Or would it be a girl? A little girl, who Can would adore with all his heart, who he would protect until his last breath. Who he would take on adventures, read bedtime stories to and learn to braid hair for. Who he would sing along with when her favorite songs played in the car, untill he knew all the words by heart._  Sanem fought of a grin, waving the imagine away and quickly tucking the photo behind her phone as Ceycey entered the room.

 

Can and Sanem spent the weekend attempting, and mostly failing, to teach Arslan to run alongside a bike. The seven-month old puppy had such boundless energy; it helped that they had a sizeable garden to let him run around in, and they walked him daily. But it was often not enough.

Arslan was a quick study. Sanem had been surprised when it had only taken them a few hours in turn, to teach him to sit, stay, and shake on command. This, however, seemed like more than he could handle. It was too exciting for him to think straight, he kept trying to run in between the wheels and jump up at their legs.

When Sunday evening came around, Sanem and Can collapsed on the sofa in a heap. Somewhat pleased with the progress the puppy had made. Arslan collapsed on the floor by their feet, for once, too tired to attempt to jump up. They stayed there for a while, sleepy and enjoying each other's company. Sanem leaned against Can's chest, his arm wrapped around her side.

"Oh! I had been meaning to give you something." Sanem jumped up a while later, forcing Can's arm to fall away. Sanem stood, making her way across the room then disappeared out the door. He could hear her footsteps going up the stairs as he wondered what she had in store. When she finally returned she was carrying three nondescript, square-shaped items hidden under brown wrapping paper.

"What are they?" He asked as she settled back down in front of him on the sofa.

"I thought they would be nice in the bathroom. I made them" She smiled, presenting them to him on the sofa cushion. "No! open that one last." She insisted as he reached out for the largest one on the right. He cocked an eyebrow, intrigued.

Can selected another, then glanced at his wife to make sure she was happy with his choice. She nodded, her eyes lighting up.

Can pulled the wrapping off slowly. Arslan glanced up as he heard the paper ripping. Can let the wrapping fall to the side and inspected its contents.

Unveiling a small wooden photo frame. Inside, was an impression of a lighthouse and a surrounding assemble of sailing boats - each made up of a mix of weathered sea-glass, pebbles and shingle stones. The same ones Sanem had begun collecting on the beach a few weeks ago. The second package was similar, but this time it depicted a blue whale, surrounded by a school of fish. Sanem had delicately penciled in details of crashing waves, a shining sun and the silhouette of birds on the horizon.

They were charming little things. Can could still feel the humming of the ocean within the pictures. As if the stones still held the memory of their home - despite being pinned to a white background and trapped behind a layer of glass.

The first two depictions were beautiful. But it was the third that was Can's favourite. It was slightly larger than the others. Sanem had gathered a collection of small pebbles and arranged them to look like foot-prints walking in a wavy trail across the background, tiny toe's included. Each step, the pebbles became larger, as if alive and growing. The first few, being no bigger than a ladybird, progressing on along the path to the size of his thumb. Then ending with the largest, about the size of a plum from heel to toe.

"It's a progress tracker... sort of." Sanem began to explain, as Can gazed at it with curiosity. "The first ones are where it's at now." She paused, tenderly placing a hand over her stomach. "The fingers and toes are just starting to form. Each step reflects another few weeks of growth until here..." She tapped at the end of the path, slightly breathless and her eyes gleaming. "Is roughly the size they will be when it's born. I thought..." Sanem didn't even get to finish what she was saying because Can was kissing her all of a sudden, making her giggle.

 

The next morning Can stepped outside their bedroom door and immediately stopped dead in his tracks.

"Sanem..." He called to the en-suite bathroom, where she was still getting ready. "Did you forgot to close the study door last night after checking on the cats?"

Sanem's eyes went wide. She dropped her toothbrush into the sink, dashing over.  _No. No, no. How could she have been so stupid!_  They had locked Arslan out again last night, while they lay in the bed performing rather indecent and heated acts on one another. When Sanem had finally opened the bedroom door, feeling guilty for banishing the puppy, Arslan had been sleeping peacefully on the landing. So she had left him there, peeping into the cat-room to make sure that they too, were settled. Ahu's eyes had blinked open at the disturbance, reflecting the dim light of the hallway. Sanem had then left, closing the door. Or so she thought.

Sanem reached her husband, who was frozen in shock, blocking the exit.

"Can?" She glancing at him and noticing the twinkle in his eyes and the amazed smile creeping onto his face. Sanem followed his gaze to the yellow bundle of fur sleeping outside.

It was Arslan. But it wasn't  _just_  Arslan.

Both Ilkay and Ihsan were curled up in the soft, golden fur lining the dog's tummy. All three had their eyes closed, content and untroubled. Sanem watched in awe as Arslan finally noticed the presence of his humans. His head turned towards them as he let his tongue roll out in greeting, a silly grin sat on his face.

"I think we have ourselves a nanny dog, Sanem." Can chuckled.


	17. Grey Haze

Ahu was absent from the study. The kittens had probably ventured out of the room looking for their mother – but had found Arslan instead. Deciding he was a suitable substitute, they had curled up in his fur.

It didn't take them long to find the grey tabby cat. She had made her way downstairs and was gazing out into the garden through the sliding glass doors. She meowed in greeting as Sanem walked over, then chirped in annoyance as she was picked up. Sanem considered returning the cats to the study, but it would be pointless now. Arslan had proven himself and the cats seemed desperate for some extra space.

So, they were let loose. Can bought all their things down from the kitten nursery, which officially became a study again. Sanem encouraged Ilkay and Ihsan to venture down the mountainous staircase, with the help of Arslan who was demonstrating how to do it.

Eventually, all three were settled downstairs. It didn't take long for the kittens to discover the delights of climbing the sofas. Ahu had to re-think her newly discovered sleeping spot, else she would never get a moments peace.

After a few more minutes, Can and Sanem headed off to work – only slightly late.

 

 

A week later, Can and Sanem woke early to drive a very angry Ahu to the vets before heading to the office. With the kittens now fully weaned it was time for the cat to be neutered. Ahu didn't agree. A ruckus of yowls filled the car the whole ride there. Arslan was sat in the back seat, glancing with confusion between his humans and the obviously distressed cat. The noise was clearly making him uncomfortable. Attempting to offer reassurance, Arslan tried to give Ahu a kiss on the nose through the bars of the pet carrier. Which she politely returned with a sharp punch to the face. Arslan was mortified.

 

 

They arrived at the veterinary practise, Ahu suddenly quietened as the strange smells filled her nose. Sanem and Can were greeted by a veterinary nurse in purple scrubs.

"Günaydın." She smiled as they walked towards the front desk. "Who have we got here?" The nurse asked, glancing at Ahu's per carrier. The cat let out another distressed meow.

"Ahu Divit." Can replied. "Apologies, she is in a mood." The nurse checked the name against the day's surgery rota then nodded, taking the carrier from Can.

"She will be ready for pickup between 4:00 and 6:00pm – but no later as we will be closing. She is one of the last on the rota today so she will likely still be under the influence of the anaesthetic when you collect her – don't panic if she isn't quite herself for a few hours."

 

 

That evening Sanem rushed back to the veterinary practise alone. Can, regrettably had to stay at the office for a while longer and it was already pushing 5.30. She ran into the building with only a few minutes to spare. Recognising Sanem from earlier, the nurse on reception immediately ducked into a back room, returning with a very drowsy Ahu in her carrier. The nurse promised that everything had gone perfectly, Sanem smiled, settled the fee – then headed back out to the car where Arslan was waiting.

 

 

Ahu had been swaddled in a little grey cat-jacket to stop her pulling at the stitches. High on anaesthetic, she had turned into a floppy sack of potatoes. When Sanem arrived home she unclipped the lid of the carrier to get Ahu out – the cat was in no state to do it herself.

"You poor little thing, Ahu." Sanem cooed, carrying the limp cat upstairs.

Sanem delicately placed the cat on a pile of blankets she had laid out on the floor of the study. On the vet's request, she had arranged a quiet and comfortable place for Ahu to recover – away from the troublesome kittens. Ahu didn't need her kids jumping all over her.

Arslan gave Ahu another kiss on the nose – this time Ahu was too weak to retaliate. Sanem pulled the puppy outside, then headed downstairs to begin making dinner. Can had still yet to return, but Sanem had been practising over the last few weeks and although her recipe repertoire was still limited, there was a few dishes she could manage on her own.

Having the added distraction of the kittens trying to climb up her jeans made things difficult. It was adorable, if not slightly painful. Sanem eventually decided to lock them out of the room, immediately feeling guilty when Ilkay began wailing. She finished cooking, placing the dish in the oven to keep it warm until Can arrived. Then immediately let the siblings back in.

Sanem collapsed onto the sofa, where Arslan had been resting. She placed a hand on his head as he repositioned his chin on her lap. Ilkay and Ihsan soon joined them, after scaling the armrest. Ihsan sat on her opposite side and curled up against her leg. Ilkay ascended the backrest, allowing her to reach Sanem's shoulder, where she promptly curled up and fell asleep.  _Oh great, now I'm trapped_. Sanem smiled, closing her eyes.

 

 

She woke up a while later to Arslan's heavy leg digging into her lap. He had stood, tail wagging, listening to the jingle of keys as Can enter the house.

"Ow." Sanem moaned half-heartedly, pushing the large puppy away. Her movement caused Ilkay to slip forward. Sanem had to catch her with one hand as Can entered the room.

"Do you think you have enough pets there Sanem?" Can joked at the sight of the four of them huddled together on the sofa. She stuck out a tongue at him playfully.

"Not nearly enough. There is still plenty of space." She grinned, gesturing to the rest of the large, grey corner sofa on which she sat. Arslan jumped down to great Can as he walked over.

"How is Ahu?" He asked after fussing over the puppy, then settling himself next to his wife.

"She is fine. I think the kittens have been missing her though. They haven't left me alone all afternoon."

 

 

They ate dinner, then, after noticing Sanem's eyes drifting shut every so often, Can demanded they go to bed.

"It's only eight-thirty." Sanem protested feebly, her eyes closing again.

"Sanem, unless you want to use your dinner plate as a pillow I would highly suggest moving yourself upstairs." He chuckled. Sanem rubbed her eyes, trying to dismiss the heaviness settling there.

Can moved around the table, then, tucking one hand under her knees and the other behind her back, he picked her up.

"Come on." He said softly, moving them both towards the bedroom.

"I feel so old." Sanem groaned, pressing her cheek into his chest. "I shouldn't be so tired."

"You are not old, Sanem. You're pregnant. If your body wants to rest, then you should rest." Sanem just hummed in response, letting her eyes close again.

Arslan followed them up the stairs, then hopped onto the end of the bed as Can carefully placed Sanem underneath the duvet. He knelt beside her, brushing a thumb over her cheek. Sanem's eyes softly flickered open.

"Maybe you should take the day off tomorrow?" Can suggested.

"No, I'll be fine." Sanem replied. "Besides, I think if I disappear from the office again Ceycey will start getting suspicious. There are only so many 'pet emergencies' a person can get away with." She smiled, her voice drifting away as her eyes fell shut again. Can pressed a kiss to her forehead, then moved to his side of the bed.

He reached out for the book sat on his bedside cabinet. 'A Dad's Guide to Pregnancy and Parenting'. It had been a gift from Emre, - meant partially as a joke. Can found it useful none the less. He pulled the bookmark out and began reading.

 

 

When Sanem woke a haze had settled over the room, that often occurred when the rising sun was hidden behind a layer of grey clouds. She kept her eyes closed, not quite ready to face the day. Her alarm hadn't gone off yet, she still had time.

She stretched. Her arms unconsciously reaching out to her husband's side of the bed, only for her hands to fall empty around cold sheets. She couldn't hear him, but he must have already been up. She sighed, still drowsy and half asleep. Waiting for the last pieces of her mind to finish waking up. The familiarity of Arslan's weight by her feat was missing. She frowned, wondering why everyone had disappeared.

Sanem scrunched up her face, suddenly becoming more and more aware of the unpleasant and familiar dull ache in her abdomen. No doubt the culprit of her premature awakening. It was more intense than she was used to, like someone had been stabbing a million tiny needles at her insides. She groaned, curling in on herself as the pain continued to build. It quickly pulled her out of her sedated state. Until she was conscious enough to realise this shouldn't be happening _. This **couldn't**  be happening she was..._

_Pregnant..._

Recognition hit her like a ton of bricks. Sanem eyes flashed open as she gasped, her heart racing. Worry forcing away the last of her grogginess. She sat up, her hands fisting up against the duvet, suddenly unsure whether she wanted to know. Whether she wanted to look. She took a deep breath and peeled the cover off her legs.

A startled sob escaped her body, quickly turning into panicked gasps at the sight underneath her.  _No. No, no, no_. She grasped at the bedding. Staring in horror, tears falling down her face as she watched a pool of red seep into the white sheet underneath her.

 

 

Outside, the sky had turned dark and speckled with stars. Can was still reading when he noticed Sanem suddenly grow tense. He watched in concern as her eyelids began flickering from side to side and her breathing became laboured and shallow. Her hand opened, moving forward as if reaching out for something. In a moment, Arslan was awake and bounding over to her, pushing his head through her arms just as she began whimpering.

Can let the book fall into his lap as he shuffled onto his side, moving closer to her.

"Sanem?" He whispered, trying to pull her out of the nightmare. He took her hand in his, using the other to brush the hair off her face. "Sanem." He repeated, squeezing her hand.

It was only after he called her name a third time, louder and more insistent, that her eyes suddenly flew open. She immediately sat up, her eyes flicking around the dark room. She took a moment to realise what had happened, her gasped breathing quietened and her heartbeat slowed. She pulled her knees against her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Then she began to cry.

"Hey... shhh. It's okay. It's okay, it was just a dream." Can pulled her close. Sanem immediately melted into his side. Arslan glanced between them, concern filling his warm, brown eyes.

"Shhh" Can whispered into the skin of Sanem's neck, cradling her in his arms as she wept.

After a few slow minutes, her crying turned into sniffles, Can pulled away to look at her.

"Sanem what happened?" She just shook her head at him, pulling her arms around her middle. "Was it about the baby?" He whispered, making fresh tears fall down her face. He brushed them away, then pulled her against his chest. They fell back down against the pillows. Can held her tight, pressing kisses against her brow and talking to her until she finally calmed down.


	18. Once A Street Cat...

They both spent the next few weeks tense and anxious, waiting for the 3-month mark to pass. Sanem couldn't shake the feeling that her dream had been some sort of awful premonition - a way from her body to prepare her heart for what was to come. Quiet tears kept sneaking up on her at work, she had to brush them away before anyone would notice.

Can did his best to comfort her, promising her that they would be okay. He couldn't however, promise that nothing  _would_  happen. It was completely out of their hands. Can knew his heart and soul would shatter into a million pieces him if they were to lose the baby. Just the thought of it made his chest feel cold and empty. He couldn't begin to imagine the suffering Sanem would feel. It made him want to fight something... anything. But there was nothing to fight, no monster hiding behind the door, no ghoul lurking under the bed. There was only the inevitability of fate, and the pain of excepting that whatever happened would happen.

Eventually, Sanem's recollection of the nightmare faded away. The harsh images and painfully vivid memory of it turned to dust. She only had a week to go when she finally felt like she could breathe again. Can noticed the shift immediately, as subtle as it was. Her mood lifted, a tentative smile returned to her face. And then, a few days later she started talking about the baby again – a topic she had been strangely quiet about.

They were sat on the sofa, the TV humming in the background. Sanem rested her head on a pillow and draped her legs over Can's lap. Arslan was lying on Can's other side, the kittens - a bundle of gangly limbs and soft, mottled fur - rested on Sanem's lap.

Sanem placed a hand gently over her stomach. She had been avoiding doing so recently, terrified of jinxing something.

"Do you think it will be a girl or a boy?" She asked softly, as Can absentmindedly rubbed circles into her calves. His eyes flickered away from the screen towards his wife, the question taking him by surprise.

"I don't know." He answered honestly, relief settling into his veins at the recognition that her anxieties had dissipated enough for her to be comfortable bringing the topic up.

"I think it's a girl." She grinned shyly, rubbing her thumb back and forth over her abdomen.

"Oh? And why is that?" He asked, smiling back at her.

"I don't know." She replied, shrugging and scrunching her nose up slightly. "I just have this feeling."  
  
  
  


Fully recovered, Ahu was free once again to roam the whole house. She chose to keep herself out of sight more often than not. Slipping into the quiet and undisturbed spare rooms. The kittens, now ten weeks old, had suffered a growth spurt leaving them with legs to big for the rest of their bodies. They were starting to look like giraffes, and had become just as clumsy. Ihsan, they discovered, was the biggest, soppiest lap-cat that ever existed. If there was a lap to sit on, he would be on it. If no people were around, then the dog would do just fine. Ilkay was more of a wrap-herself-around-your-shoulders-like-a-scarf type cat. However, this habit was exclusively directed at Sanem. It became a tad inconvenient when Ilkay realised that Sanem didn't necessarily need to be sitting down for Ilkay to do it. She began using the furniture as leverage to jump onto Sanem's shoulders, then would stay there like a pirate's cat until Sanem inevitably had to remove her.

"I think you have imprinted on that cat, Sanem." Can joked one Sunday evening after Ilkay had spent all day following Sanem around the house and climbing on every chance she got. Sanem didn't mind, it was endearing. Even if she had been left with a few scratches all over her back.

The Kırmızı Kurt campaign was running smoothly. Filled to the brim with contracts, Emre had gone ahead and hired five new interns. Consequently boosting Ceycey to the position of junior 'Team Co-ordinator'. What did that mean? He had no idea. It was the same work he'd been doing before - minus coffee duty. But now he had a pay rise and a mildly - and well deserved - inflated ego.

Sanem's advertising idea had been greeted with mumbled nodding at the campaign concept meeting in the Kırmızı offices, it was soon selected as the leading favourite. Now all they had to do was find actors.

Sanem had joked one evening, partially delirious and moments away from falling asleep, that they could use Arslan as a model. The idea wouldn't leave Can hand for days. Why shouldn't they?

Can decided it was worth a shot. He called an old contact – Yahya. He was a well-respected animal trainer the company had contracted previously on occasion. Can scheduled Arslan for puppy training boot-camp, an hour every morning for the next two weeks. It wasn't uncommon for the puppy to wander away, or be stolen to hang out under the desks of their colleagues, whenever his humans were stuck into work. Hopefully, Sanem wouldn't notice his absence.

When the day of auditions came around Arslan - disguised on the list with a pseudonym - was the last dog to enter the room. Deren, Can, Sanem, and two Kırmızı Kurt representative were in charge of reviewing the actors.

As soon as Yahya walked into the room with a suspiciously-familiar looking 6-month old retriever-mix, Sanem's brow scrunched up in confusion, she turned to her husband. A silent question sparkling in her eyes and a bemused smile forming on her face. Can just shrugged, grinning at her. The Kırmızı Kurt employees were completely unaware of the exchange. If they knew Arslan was  _their_  dog, they might have passed over his audition as folly.  
  
  
  


Can hadn't actually expected Arslan to get the part, so when he received the highest audition score and was chosen as Kırmızı's first pick, he nearly fainted.

"I love this dog. Can I have him?" Yahya joked afterward. He had done a fantastic job with Arslan. Sanem had done her best teaching the puppy basic tricks but she lacked the time and experience to attempt anything imaginative.

"He picks up everything so quickly. He is more talented than some of the dogs I have been working with for years." Yahya admitted.

"Thank you. We are very proud of him." Sanem gushed, leaning down to cradle the puppies face in her hands, giving him a kiss on the forehead. "But we don't want him to be an actor, we need him as a nanny for the bab..." She stopped herself, her laugh turning into a cough in an attempt to cover the slip-up. She glanced around, making sure no one else had heard. Yahya smiled, his eyes twinkling. He whispered ' _congratulations_ ' to a flustered Sanem before leading Arslan away; they still had to stay for the human auditions.

Can was surprised again, when halfway through Osman entered the room.

"You're not the only one who has been conspiring Can." Sanem grinned mischievously.

Sanem's heart started doing funny things a few hours later when the children's auditions began. Can watched as her eyes turned soft, as the first – a five-year-old boy with dark curly hair – began his performance.

It was six o'clock when, wearily, they called it a day. Leaving the final casting decisions for tomorrow.  
  
  
  


They were driving back home, Arslan sat on Sanem's lap with his head sticking out of the window, one of her hands wrapped securely around his collar. She smiled as the dog rolled his tongue out into the air. His ears ruffled by the breeze.

"So, are we still telling everyone tomorrow?" Can enquired. It had dragged on painfully and slowly, but Sanem's three-month mark would finally,  _finally_ , be here. It was the date they had agreed to enlighten the office, and the remainder of their friends, about the baby. By some miracle, Mevkibe had been tight-lipped enough to keep the matter from spreading like wildfire through the district. Sanem had half expected to get a scolding phone call from an excitedly babbling Ayhan. Sanem was nervously giddy at the thought of finally being able to tell her.

"Evet," Sanem confirmed, nodding with a shy grin.  
  
  
  


The next morning Can woke, silenced the beeping of his alarm and jumped into the shower. Sanem was still face down in the pillows when he re-entered the bedroom, ten minutes later.

"Are you getting up?" Can chuckled, nudging her lightly. She moaned in response, curling in on herself.

"Are you okay?" He asked, concern spilling into his voice. Sanem lifted herself up slightly so she could respond.

"The migraines have come back with a vengeance." She moaned, just about loud enough for him to hear.

"Oh... Do you need me to stay?" Can asked softly. Sanem shook her head in response, then winced at the resulting throbbing behind her eyes. "You need to finish casting. At least one of us should show up." She sighed. "I'll call my mum if I need someone..." She immediately buried her face back into the bedding.

Can wasn't happy leaving her like this, but she was right; Kırmızı Kurt would consider it highly unprofessional for the both of them to disappear in the middle of important discussions, no matter the reason.

Can headed downstairs, preparing a slice of plain toast on a plate, then left it on Sanem's bedside table along with a glass of water and some painkillers. He pressed a gentle kiss against the back of her head, eliciting a hum in thanks. Can asked Arslan, who was still dozing at the end of the bed, to watch over her. Then he left, keeping the door ajar so the kittens could find their way inside as well.  
  
  
  


A few hours passed. Sanem managed to eat – only for it to come back up a few minutes later. Eventually, when the headache stopped feeling so fierce, she made her way downstairs, then curled up on the sofa with the TV on. To stop it grating on her brain, she kept the sound as low as possible without it becoming inaudible. Arslan sat on the floor nearby. The kittens had disappeared, exploring one of the other rooms.

Sanem sat there for a while, doing her best to follow the plot of the show she was watching. When she unexpectedly heard an inquisitive meow call out from the hallway. She lifted herself up, peering over the back of the sofa in the direction the noise had come from. It was Ahu. The cat blinked at her, both of them surprised at the exchange.

Ahu had become distant and aloof since being allowed to roam around the whole house. Spending most of her time sleeping on the windowsill of the empty downstairs bedroom. There was a square-patch of missing hair on her rump, the only remanence of her surgery – a patchwork of uneven tufts had begun growing back.

Ahu padded across the wooden floor towards the sofa, then sprang up, tentatively making her way towards Sanem. Eyeing Arslan every few seconds to make sure he didn't wake up, the grey tabby settled herself by Sanem's side. Draping her front leg over Sanem's arm as if it were a cozy tree branch. Ahu rested her chin over Sanem's shoulder. Then, remarkably, faintly, she began purring. Sanem was pleasantly shocked, Ahu had never been fond of affection, this was the first time the grey tabby had voluntarily sought out company. Sanem wondered if it was because she was feeling unwell - or if, perhaps, Ahu was feeling unwell. Whatever the reason, Sanem closed her eyes, enjoying the unexpected and rare offering of comfort.

The tranquillity wouldn't last long.  
  
  
  


Can tried calling at lunchtime. Arslan had officially been given the part, alongside a feral looking Husky-Shepard cross that was selected to play the wolf counterpart. Osman had also successfully landed a roll in the commercial. Their plans had worked perfectly, Can wanted to share the good news – but she didn't pick up. He was starting to get worried, a nagging sense in the back of his mind told him something wasn't quite right.

"Everything alright brother?" Emre frowned after Can declared he was leaving early.

"I hope so." Can breathed. He left the office in Emre's care, then headed home.  
  
  
  


The weather wasn't helping his mood. Dark, heavy, winter clouds littered the sky. Patches of hail fell in a bedlam against the windscreen as he drove to the house. Sanem was still not answering the phone.  _Was she asleep? Was she okay?_    
  
  
  


When he finally reached the front door he pushed inside, after fumbling with the keys.

"Sanem?" He was greeted with silence.  _Was she even still here? Had she gone to her parent's house? But surly she would have taken her phone._  "Sanem?" He called again making his way into the living room. That's when he found her. Sat on the floor, her back leaning against glass of the French windows, silent tears running down her face. Can's heart stopped.

"Sanem?" He whispered rushing over and collapsing onto his knees beside her. "What's happened, sevgilim?"

"She's gone." Sanem sobbed, covering her face with her palms. "She's gone." Can's breath caught in his throat.

"Who? Who has gone, Sanem?" Can tried, unsuccessfully, to keep the fear out of his voice.  _Not the baby. Please, not the baby._

"Ahu." Sanem sniffed, rubbing the tears away with her sleeve.  _Ahu? Oh, thank god_. Can took a deep, shaky breath, his chest loosening. "I was just letting Arslan outside. She just... She just darted past and disappeared into the bushes." Sanem explained, fresh tears escaping her eyes.

"Oh, Sanem." He pulled her into a tight hug. Can didn't know what else to say, he was still waiting for his emotions to stop using his heart as a trampoline.

Sanem wrapped her hands behind his neck, clutching onto the fabric of his t-shirt.  _Why would she leave? Why would she leave when she had been so affectionate all morning?_  Sanem wondered - her heart breaking a little - if it had been Ahu's way of saying goodbye.

"She might come back, Sanem..." Can moved away. Using his thumbs, he brushed away the tears streaming down her cheeks. "But she is a street cat at heart. You've seen the way she's been longing to go outside. She's been so bored stuck in the house."

"Maybe in a few hours she'll be back. Screaming at the door to be let in again." Can joked, in an attempt to cheer her up. Sanem nodded, hoping he was right.  
  


 

Ahu didn't come back. But once Sanem's hormones had waned and she was buried under the purring mass of the kittens, the pain of it didn't sting so much.


	19. The Reveal

They were lying together on the bed a few hours later. Can's arms holding Sanem's back close against his chest. One hand placed tenderly against the skin under her navel, the other entwined with her fingers where it poked out from underneath her head – being used as a pillow. Sanem's headache had mostly faded by now, the dimming of sunlight helping to ease the stabbing behind her eyes.

"Oh, by the way..." Can began, rubbing a thumb over the skin of her abdomen. Making her sigh and rousing her from a state of semi-consciousness. "Arslan got the part." Can smiled, pressing his lips against the skin of her neck.

"Really?" Sanem asked, rolling herself over to face him.

"Yeah," Can nodded. "Osman too."

"Maybe the baby will get into acting as well – that way, we could have our own little empire of on-call actors in the future." She said.

"Maybe we should look at getting a contract with a baby apparel company, and sneak the little bean in as a model." Can suggested. "It would only be fair. Since both you and Arslan have been used in company projects. It could be a family tradition." He mused. Sanem smiled softly, her eyes falling shut again.

Can's soft gaze flickered down from his wife's face to her abdomen. He moved a hand to place his palm, once again, over the ruefully still-flat line of her stomach. He found that they kept gravitating there ever since he first found out about the pregnancy. Her worrying about losing the baby had stopped him from reaching out for a while. But Can was making up for it now, touching her whenever and as often as she would allow. A few days ago, she had nearly bitten his hand off when she had gotten fed up with it. Only to apologise a while later - blaming the outburst on a mix of hunger and hormones.

Now, she seemed happy enough with the attention. Humming when she felt his hand rest over her pajama top. Can couldn't wait for her to start showing. He wondered how much longer he would have to wait.

 

 

Sanem was feeling clear-headed and pain-free in the morning, so she returned to work. A nervous joy buzzed in her stomach when she realised they would be telling their colleagues today.

"Do you still want to?" Can asked, getting dressed. "We could wait a while."

"No, I want them to know. I don't want to have to talk about it in whispers, behind closed doors" She replied, fixing her hair. Can nodded.

"How do you want to tell them?"

"I have a plan." She grinned. "But best we wait till the end of the day, so we can escape if it sets off chaos."

 

 

When Sanem arrived she was greeted by a rush of  _'Are you okay?' 'I hope you are feeling better.'_ It was a small office, and being wife to the boss made it difficult for her disappearance to go unnoticed.

"I'm fine. Thank you" Sanem brushed their concerns away.

Even Deren, the only one with a legitimate reason to be concerned, appeared at the door of Can's office to ask if Sanem was alright. Sanem nodded at her gratefully. Can had told both Leila and Emre the truth about Sanem being unwell yesterday. The two were pleased to see Sanem back and fit.

 

 

It was an hour before home-time when Sanem called Ceycey away, leading him into an empty room to put her plan in action.

"Ceycey." Sanem whispered, grabbing him by the shoulders. "I have a secret to tell you." Ceycey hissed at her in response.

"Do not, Sanem." He shook his head. "I don't want to know. Why would you want to do that to me? You know how I am about secrets. It hurts my insides. Do you want to hurt me, Sanem? I can't be trusted with these things. I'll have a panic attack. Is that what you want? To hospitalise me? Why do you want to do this to me Sanem?" Ceycey began wheezing.

"Ceycey! Ceycey, calm down." Sanem insisted. "It's okay."

"No, It's not okay! Why are you doing this to me?" He squealed.

"Because this is a secret I don't want you to keep." She replied, watching as the worry in his eyes trickled away, intrigue taking its place.

"What do you mean?" He asked, his racing heartbeat beginning to slow down.

"I mean that I  _want_  you to tell everyone... Scream it in front of the whole office if you feel like it." She watched as his eyes began sparkling with curiosity.

"Alright..." Ceycey agreed, somewhat tentatively. Sanem took a breath, preparing herself. Once this was out, there would be no going back.

"Ceycey..." Sanem began. "I'm pregnant." Ceycey stared at her.

"You're pregnant." He parroted back, the words not quite sinking in yet. Sanem nodded with a smile, giving him a few seconds to comprehend her words. "You're... You're pregnant... You're pregnant?" He repeated, a smile beginning to form on his face as he processed the words. "You're pregnant!" Ceycey gasped, finally. "You're having a baby?" Sanem nodded again. "You and Can... You're... I knew it!" He exclaimed, jumping up and down in excitement. Sanem raised an eyebrow.

"You knew?" She asked, crossing her arms. "How?"

"Well... I didn't  _know_. I guessed." He explained. "You kept staying home sick, I knew something was up." He tapped a finger against his forehead. "I am not stupid, Sanem. Did you really think I wouldn't notice something was going on?" he asked mischievously.

"Did you talk to anyone else about it?"

"No!" Ceycey shook his head. "Of course not. Nobody else knows." His eyes widened at the realisation. "Nobody else knows.... Nobody else knows!" Ceycey gasped. "And I get to tell them all!" Sanem could feel his excitement building like an avalanche. Then, in a flash, he disappeared down the hallway screaming "She's pregnant! She's pregnant" So loud she almost felt like covering her ears.

Sanem followed from a distance. Amused, as Ceycey ran into the center of the office, continuing to shout. He could be quiet an efficient personal herald when the need arose. A crowd began gathering, lured in by his clamorous announcement.

"She's having a baby! They're having a baby!" Ceycey cried, causing Deren to rush over. Her heels tapping against the ground as she confronted the rambling Ceycey.

"What are you talking about, Ceycey?" She yelled over his shouting. Her eyes went wide as Ceycey grabbed onto her shoulders.

"She is pregnant, Deren!"

"Who?"

"Sanem!" Ceycey rasped, shaking Deren's shoulders. The crowd gasped.

"I know," Deren said, pushing his hands off.

"You know?" Ceycey paused. "How do you know?" Sanem wriggled her way through the gathering of employees. Quiet whispers following behind her.  _Is it true? Is she really?_

"She was there when I bought the test." Sanem explained. Ceycey frowned, still offended that Deren had found out before he had.

Sanem's words inadvertently confirmed Ceycey's announcement to the surrounding audience. She was immediately swept up in a sea of hugs and congratulations from the people surrounding her. She replied 'thank you' so many times that the words lost all meaning. It started to become a bit suffocating.

When Can finally exited his office to investigate the ruckus, he was immediately pulled into the gathering of employees standing in the middle of the room. Suddenly bombarded with pats on the back and acclamations. He wife smirked at his bewildered expression, as he realised what must have just happened.

 

 

They eventually managed to escape the crowd, using work as an excuse to disappear back into the peace of Can's office.

"As far as pregnancy announcement's go, that was a bit eccentric don't you think?" Can grinned in amusement. "You might as well have had Ceycey announce it from the town square."

"I thought it was quite labor efficient, to be honest. I barely even had to say a word, and now everyone knows." Sanem waved a hand in the air. Can smiled, grabbing her arms and pulling her towards him.

"And it's a good thing too..." He said, resting his forehead against hers, their noses almost touching. "Because now... I don't have to stop myself from doing  _this,_  when we are at work." He sighed, placing a hand over her belly. Sanem beamed, her own hand moving to cover his.

 

 

Sanem soon came to regret sharing the news with everyone when she became victim to a sudden onslaught of hands trying to feel her flat stomach. She wouldn't have minded so much if it were people she knew, but half of them were partial strangers. "I'm not a petting zoo!" She finally snapped at the seventh person who attempted it that day. Allah! If people were already being this grabby with her, she couldn't bear to think what it would be like when she was showing and there was actually something to grab.

Arslan eventually picked up on her discomfort and began following her around, shielding her from anyone that started invading her space. God, she loved that dog.


	20. Flowers and Teddies

"So, where is Can?" Ayhan asked, settling down on the sofa and crossing her legs underneath her. Making herself comfortable as if she owned the place. Sanem had been glad when Ayhan had taken to the new house. Growing up as neighbours  _and_  best friends, meant that the comfort of each other's childhood homes had become intimately familiar; almost to the point of being interchangeable with their own. Sanem hadn't wanted Ayhan to lose that feeling, and worried her friend might feel out of place in her and Can's house. But that hadn't happened at all. Ayhan had practically adopted it as her own, and had even helped with some of the renovations. She regularly visited on weekend mornings, and occasionally in the evenings on weekdays as well. It was beginning to feel like a second home.

Keeping the pregnancy secret from her best friend had been a trial for Sanem. But she needed to be sure; she needed to know that everything was alright. That the baby was healthy and definitely happening - before she let Ayhan in on the secret.

"No. He is out hiking," Sanem replied to Ayhan's question from the kitchen, emptying a packet of biscuits onto a plate. "With Metin. Somewhere around Belgrad." She moved back over to the sofa, placing the biscuits on the coffee table along with two cups of tea. Ayhan immediately reached forward for one. It was Sanem that insisted Can go out for the day. She wanted the house to herself – to finally tell Ayhan the news.

As they were prone to do, the large kittens soon wondered over. Ihsan immediately nuzzled his way into the space between Ayhan's crossed legs. He curled his body into a ball of cream-tabby fur, then began purring as Ayhan stroked his head.

"Is Arslan around? Can we take him for a walk later?" Ayhan asked, cooing at the cat.

"No, sorry. He went with Can." Sanem apologised. It made her smile to know Ayhan had fallen in love with Sanem's new family. She was confident her friend would be just as head-over-heels for the latest addition - when it arrived.

Ilkay immediately commandeered Sanem's lap as soon as she sat down. The kitten arranged herself comfortably, her nose pressing into Sanem's t-shirt and her little paws needing into the skin of her stomach. A gentle and quiet vibration began emanating from Ilkay's chest. Sanem buried her hand into the cats long mottled fur, wondering if the baby would be able to near the noise. Could it even hear at all yet? She had read that babies listened to, and grew familiar with the sound of their mother's heartbeat during gestation. If Ilkay continued doing this during the whole pregnancy, would the baby recognise the cat by her purring? Sanem smiled at the idea of the two forming an attachment the minute the baby was brought home.

"Allah, that is so cute." Ayhan gushed, watching the tortoiseshell burry her face into Sanem's stomach. Sanem fought off a silly grin.  _Yes. Yes, it is. And you don't know the half of it._

"She has been doing that a lot lately..." Sanem began, running her hands along Ilkay's sides. Trying to prevent the mischievous grin that was fighting to appear on her face. She took a deep breath. "I think she knows there's a baby in there." She said, tapping a finger against her stomach. Immediately making Ayhan choke on her tea. Ayhan stared at her for a moment, trying to wipe up the mess that was dribbling down her chin.

"You're pregnant?" Ayhan gasped, placing the cup down. Sanem nodded, her grin widening. She laughed as her friend pulled her into a tight hug. The movement disturbed the cats, both of them relocating to an empty sofa cushion.

"Oh, I am so happy for you, Sanem!" Ayhan squeezed her. "How far along are you?" She asked, pulling away.

"A little over three months..."

"Three months!" Ayhan interrupted, grabbing a nearby pillow and hitting Sanem over the head with it. "You have been pregnant for three months and I am only just  _now_  hearing about it?"

"I'm sorry! We were waiting," Sanem giggled, stealing the pillow from her and throwing it across the room. "I had some concerns about..." She started, her voice turning somber.

"Oh..." Ayhan breathed. "I guess I can forgive you." She joked.

"Although, I am surprised Ceycey didn't mention anything to you..."

"Ceycey already knows?" Ayhan gasped, reaching for another pillow.

"He only found out yesterday!" Sanem said, raising her hands in surrender. "But he had been suspicious for a while..."

 

 

They continued talking for hours. Sanem eventually fetched the sonogram photo hidden in her sock drawer, to present to Ayhan.

"I don't see anything?"

"Well, there isn't all that much to see at the moment." Sanem smiled. "It's here, look." She said, pointing to the black, bean-shaped blob.

"Is it a girl or a boy?"

"We don't know yet."

It felt as if Ayhan had a never-ending list of questions, only some of which Sanem had answers to. It was a few hours later when the overpowering need for a nap began creeping up on Sanem, but she didn't want Ayhan to leave yet; Can still wasn't back.

"You sleep, Sanemsie," Ayhan insisted. "I'll clean up." She began gathering the selection of plates and cups that had accumulated on the coffee table, carrying them over to the sink. Sanem fetched a blanket from the cupboard and curled up on the sofa. Her eyes soon drooping shut.

 

 

Can returned a while later. His keys jingled in the door, followed by the sound of Arslan's paws tapping down the wooden hallway as he trotted inside looking for Sanem – but being greeted instead, by Ayhan.

Can soon appeared in the doorway, a rucksack on his shoulders and a large gift-bag in his hand. He smiled politely when he saw Ayhan, sat by the feet of his sleeping wife.

"Good afternoon, Can." She said quietly, not wanting to disturb Sanem.

"Afternoon, Ayhan" Can smiled, placing the bags on the floor. "How is she?"

"She is great," Ayhan smiled. "And pregnant apparently. Congratulations." She stood up to give him a hug.

"Thank you." Can grinned.

"Are you two talking about me?" Sanem mumbled against a pillow, her eyes blinking open.

"Of course," Ayhan said as Can sat down on the sofa next to Sanem, placing a hand on her knee. They smiled softly at each other in greeting. Ayhan moved to peer into the mystery gift bag Can had brought in. "What's all this?" She asked.

"Oh, that's from Metin." He replied, standing up to fetch the bag, bringing it over so Sanem could see. He pulled out a selection of pretty, pink and white flowers.

"Ohhh, Cordelias!" Ayhan exclaimed. Sanem sniffed them, then immediately sneezed. Putting them on the table as Can pulled out a second gift. An elephant teddy. Made of soft grey fur, with blue, patch-worked felt lining the insides of the ears and the bottom of the feet. Sanem reached out for it, running her fingers along the silky fur and feeling the need to press it against her lips.

"He immediately demanded he go buy you something after I told him about the baby," Can explained. "He wants to come over for dinner this week to congratulate you properly." Sanem sat up, noticing there was more in the bag. "These are from me." Can said, pulling out another bundle of flowers, these ones small and light blue, mixed in with larger white ones.

"They are beautiful, Can. Thank you." These ones didn't make her sneeze, for which she was grateful, but they did nearly make her cry.


	21. Seashells, Windchimes, and Baby Bumps

Can was up first, so led Arslan downstairs, releasing him into the garden to relieve himself. Can stood outside for a moment, feeling the morning sun on his skin and listening to the birds singing – the first signs that spring was on its way. Arslan bumbled around, sniffing at the grass and rummaging through the flower beds and bushes.

Once the dog was finished, Can whistled him over, stepping back inside the house. He walked over to the sofa, where the kittens were tangled together, still half asleep. Ihsan yawned, stretching his front legs out towards him.

"Morning, Sanie." He whispered to the light ginger tabby, scratching under his chin and making him purr. They were growing so quickly, Can was amazed. They looked nothing like the scrawny, starving little creatures Sanem had bought home just a few months ago. Their weight had come back quickly, and with time to grow and the added illusion of bulkiness their long fur provided -  the kittens were starting to look like cats.

Sanem appeared at the doorway. Being Sunday morning, she hadn't bothered to change out of her pajamas yet. Can smiled. His wife was always beautiful regardless of what she was wearing, but there was something so endearingly cozy about the sight of her dressed in her favourite pj's. It reminded him of hot chocolate and melted marshmallows, and sitting around the fireplace in the middle of a snowstorm, the flames burning the cold air away and warming his heart. He loved it. Can watched as she walked to the kitchen, rubbing her eyes.

Having grown up moving from place to place with parents that were always arguing and pulling the family apart by the seams, Can had grown up never truly understanding the meaning of 'home'. It's why he'd spent so long traveling. No nostalgia or sentimentality tied him to Istanbul. It was a few months before he had proposed to Sanem, that he started to realise that home wasn't just a place – but the people in it. That it was found in the little moments. In the feeling of comfort and warmth that flooded through him when he woke to find his wife sleeping in his arms. It was in the soft and sleepy side of her that he had fallen in love with. When her eyelashes would blink open, messy haired and bleary-eyed, as the first rays of sunlight filtered through the window. It was in their drowsy exchange of 'Günaydın', whispered through smiling lips every morning. And now he finally understood, because he had found his home. In Sanem. In Sanem and her large, extended family - a patchwork of caring neighbours, close friends and relatives. In Sanem and her collection of ragtag strays that he loved with all his heart. And now, In Sanem and the tiny little baby –  _their_  baby – that she was carrying inside of her. Still so small, and barely even showing...

_Wait._

_Oh my god._  Can stared at her, his breath catching in his throat as his eyes focused in on her frame.

Sanem placed a bowl down on the counter and was reaching for a box of cereal in the cupboard above her when Can crept up silently behind her. The feeling of his hands settling around her waist made her jump. The box slipped out of her grasp, falling. The contents scattering over the floor.

"Can!" She huffed. "You can't just go around grabbing at me whenever you feel like it just because I'm..." She trailed off, catching sight of the mesmerised look in his eyes. Sanem frowned, wondering what had suddenly come over him. One of his hands had settled on her lower back and the other under her belly button.

"You're showing," He whispered, slightly breathless with amazement. She followed the direction of his gaze to where his hand was rested against her stomach. Sanem nearly gasped.

Sure enough, there was the smallest, slightest,  _tiniest_  swell to her abdomen. She hadn't noticed it herself – hidden under her loose fitting clothing. She quickly pulled her top up, causing Can's hands to move away, exposing the bare skin of her abdomen. Sanem placed her own hand cautiously over the miniature bump.

"I'm sure that wasn't there yesterday!" She exclaimed, brushing her palm tenderly back and forth over her skin. Gazing in wonder at the sight of it. Can grinned, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing a kiss to the side of her head. Sanem let out a small excited laugh, leaning into his embrace.

"Can," She breathed, pressing a palm over her mouth. "We are having a baby!" As if it had only just dawned on her.

"Yes. Yes, we are." Can chuckled, brushing loose strands of hair away from her face. Then leaning forward to cover her in kisses until she was giggling.

Eventually, after a few minutes of fussing over the new curve of her belly, Can stepped back, the sound of cereal crunching under his feet.

"Whoops," He frowned, he'd barely even registered the mess being made. Too caught up in the discovery of the new development in her figure. While they had been distracted, Arslan had taken the opportunity to start eating the cereals scattered over the floorboards – and was disappointed when they suddenly dragged him away from the feast. Sanem held him out of the way while Can swept up. Slightly guilty for ruining her breakfast and feeling a protective urge after seeing the baby bump, Can offered to cook. Sanem nodded, moving Arslan to the sofa to cuddle with him. 

 

 

"You still don't have any plans for today right?" He asked a while later, as he carried two plates filled with roasted tomatoes, scrambled eggs, bacon and buttered toast. Can walked towards her, settling them down on the coffee table. Sanem shook her head. It wasn't unusual for her to spend Sunday's with her parents, Leyla or Ayhan. She picked up a plate, thanking him.

"Today, I am all yours." She smiled at him. "Did you have something in mind?"

"Uh, yeah." He replied, taking a seat beside her. "You mentioned a while ago, about wanting to liven up the house a bit. And I agree. It's in desperate need of decorative flair. But I don't want to just go out a buy a bunch of meaningless stuff. So I was thinking..." He stopped, watching her attempt to discreetly tear off a slice of bacon and offer it to Arslan. The puppy sniffed at the treat, then took it from her hand, munching it. Sanem turned back to Can, giving him a cheeky shrug. "I was thinking," Can repeated grinning at her. "That we could spend the day on a road trip of sorts. Going back to everywhere we have been to together, anywhere we have been on dates, places we went together with work, anywhere we can think of. Then we could find, or buy if necessary, some sort of token memoir from each place."

"Tamam," Sanem nodded, excited by the idea. She took a mouthful of food, thinking for a moment. "Oh!" Her face lit up. "Do you think we could get away with stealing that hammock?" She grinned. He knew which one she meant, the one on which they had fallen asleep together underneath the glimmering stars, watched over by Orion. He smiled at the memory.

"I think that might be a bit difficult, Sanem." Can confessed light-heartedly.

 

 

They spent the whole day driving around, Arslan enjoying the adventure from the back seat. Tracing out the history of their shared memories over a map. They began, naturally, in the theatre where they had first unknowingly met. Can realised for his plan to work they would need to do things that weren't entirely legal. They broke in through the back entrance, and after exploring for a moment, found their way up to their viewing box.

"What do you think?" Can asked, picking up a pretty, glass flower vase that had been sat on a table in the corner of the room. Sanem gave him a questioning look. She had been joking about stealing the hammock, but Can seemed serious.

"What if it's expensive?" She asked.

"Then we will buy them a new one. But this particular one is more valuable to us than a replacement would ever be. Because it came from here, and it's special." She did like it. Intricate petals were carved over the side, light green vines weaving down the glass. They were in need of some, the flowers from Metin were currently housed in a water jug. Sanem nodded.

They continued on their journey, even traveling as far as Ağva. Can managed to convince the bewildered hotel manager to let them buy a few things from the very room they had stayed in. Sanem had tried not to laugh during the conversation, but the look on the poor man's face was priceless. He ended up agreeing in an attempt to get them to leave, allowing them to walk away with a rug and a few potted plants.

They didn't steal the hammock. But they did take one of the overhanging wind chimes. Sitting on the beach for a few hours as a lunch break, Sanem managed to dig up a collection of seashells to add to their collection of trinkets. They stayed for a while, eating the picnic Can had thrown together, and trying to persuade Arslan to swim in the water. 

 

 

When they returned home, the sun had already set. Can had to carry Arslan inside, he had fallen asleep on the ride home.

Over the next week, they decided on suitable homes for each of the new items. The rug was placed in front of the fireplace. Metin's Cordelia's were relocated to the vase and placed next to the window in the kitchen. Sanem poured the shells into a glass jar, leaving them in the en-suite bathroom. The wind chime was hung from the pergola. Sanem brushed her hands over it, listening to the melody it produced. She could hear the noise in her memory, her senses reminded of the morning she had woken up with Can in the hammock. It made her smile.

Can selected a range of photos from their honeymoon – some Can had captured himself and a few Sanem had taken. Along with photos of Arslan, Ilkay and Ihsan, to be made into canvas prints. They arrived a few weeks later and were soon hanging in various places around the house. Can's favourite, an image of an albatross in mid-flight, was displayed in the hallway. It was one Sanem had taken while on a ferry between the islands. Can was aware of his wife's artistic talent, but had been taken aback - and a bit jealous - when she managed to get the shot.

The house was starting to look like a home. And it was just in time because as the weeks passed, Sanem was beginning to look more and more pregnant. Can was the happiest he had ever been. 


	22. Campfires and Marshmallows

Early on Sunday morning Can was busy packing the car with their luggage and a few of Arslan's things while Sanem was trying to remember if she had forgotten to tell anything to Ayhan – who had volunteered to house sit and was now beginning to regret it.

"Allah, Sanem!" Ayhan shushed her friend before she began running through the list of instructions for the seventh time. "Feed the cats half a pouch each every morning and evening. Watch to make sure Ihsan doesn't sneakily eat his sister's food. Make sure to close the bedroom door unless I want them waking me up five times a night demanding attention. Water the plants every other day, and if I see a little grey cat outside let it in immediately." Ayhan took a deep breath. "I have got it, I promise. They will be fine." She insisted, pushing her friend towards the door. "Now please leave, your husband is waiting for you - and has been for some time."

 

Filming was to begin the following day for the Kırmızı Kurt campaign. The company had specifically requested that shooting take place in Çığlıkara national park in Antalya. A whole nine hours away from Istanbul - as Deren had pointed out in shock, during the discussion meeting a few weeks ago with the small group that would be going.  _Couldn't they have chosen somewhere closer?_  It was the furthest they had ever ventured for a campaign, but it was Kırmızı Kurt. Everything had to be perfect. But, it had made the logistics of the whole expedition far more complicated. Can had spent the better half of the last week frantically trying to organise the film crew, catering, and lodging for everyone. He would have quite happily stayed in a tent for the whole trip – but he had a feeling his employees might have resented him for suggesting the idea, Deren would defiantly have thrown a fit. And in all honesty, Can wasn't particularly keen on Sanem roughing it in the wilderness in her condition, either. So, he had compromised.

The cabins were comfortable, but far from luxurious. Rugged walls of cedar logs and small glass windows enclosing minimalistic furnishing, equipped with a limited supply of hot water and electricity. The hamlet of rustic huts was nestled deep in the wilderness of the forest, only a short distance away from the filming location, and just a few steps from a canoe lake. The small village had been advertised as a wilderness retreat. It seemed perfect – so Can had booked the whole camp. Yahya and the actors (all apart from Osman who had chosen to stay with them) would be residing in a hotel in town. Shooting would take place from Monday to Wednesday but because of the extensive journey, Can had booked the camp for five nights. That way everyone could have Thursday off to relax and explore the park.

A coach had been arranged for those that need transportation. Deren had been horrified at the idea so kindly offered to escort the actors on their flight from Istanbul to Antalya. Can, Sanem and Arslan would be making their own way by car.

 

Sanem finally agreed to leave, after saying goodbye to both of the kittens in turn. Cupping their face in her hands and smooching them on the forehead. They purred in response, wondering what all the fuss was about. Finally, Sanem headed out the door to where Can and Arslan were both waiting patiently in the truck.

They took turns driving. Stopping every few hours so the three of them could stretch their legs. Sanem was glad her morning sickness had faded by now, all the driving around would likely have aggravated it.

 

It was dark when they arrived. Most of their colleagues had already been shown to their shared cabins and had settled in for the night. Can had chosen one of the smaller huts at the edge of the camp for himself and Sanem. Only a stone throw away from the lake, where Arslan and Sanem spent a few minutes paddling before going to bed.

Over the next three days of filming Can was only slightly surprised to find his wife kept disappearing. As the advert was her brainchild - Can had suggested she be involved in directing. Instead, she had made it her job to host the actors. Or more specifically, one little actor in particular. On the first morning when she had vanished for a few hours, he had set off to find her, only to spot her on a bench near the set caravans with a smiling five-year-old boy sat on her lap.

"Sanem, you know you aren't an intern anymore right?" Can asked, amused, when he found her again at the buffet table during their lunch break. "It's no longer your job to go around catering to the actors."

"Shhh! His mum doesn't know that." She whispered.

"Speaking of his mother... I know you have been a bit keen on the whole 'adopting' thing lately but I would suggest maybe backing off a bit. I think she's worried you're going to steal her son." Sanem stuck out her tongue in response to the grin on her husband's face.

 

Everyone was exhausted by the last evening, ready for a well-deserved day off. Can, with the help of a few others, set up a campfire outside their cabin and began roasting sausages on metal sticks once the flames had settled down. Their colleagues soon congregated around, pulled in by the allure of cooking food. Not long after, Can was handing out plates and everyone began stuffing their faces with hot dogs. Even Arslan was even given a few for his fantastic performance.

A few minutes later Ceycey dipped inside his cabin, only to return after a moment with a giant bag of marshmallows. He was greeted with applause as he began passing them around.

Sanem's marshmallows kept bursting into flames. Can had chuckled at her, before offering her the ones he had been roasting.

 

Eventually, a few of the women (and Ceycey) splintered away to play blackjack in one of the cabins. Guliz dragged Deren along who consequently insisted Sanem accompany her. Arslan had collapsed onto his dog bed and begun snoring a few hours ago. So Can was left on his own. Their cabin was right at the edge of the camp, allowing him to spend a moment alone on the outskirts of the wilderness. He sat on a bench by the fire, reading and enjoying the tranquil peace of being in the middle of nowhere.

Slowly the sunlight grew dim as night settled over the forest. Eventually, Can gave up on his book when the remaining light illuminating from the embers became useless. He closed the pages, glancing around and taking in the quiet stillness that had settled over the camp. His eyes were drawn upwards, noticing for the first time the thousands of stars speckled above him. The constellations glimmering, partially hidden by outstretched branches of pine trees reaching across the black sky.

There was a part of him that missed this. Being out in nature, the fresh air that seemed to rejuvenate his soul with every breath, with skies so clear that you could see the whole galaxy after dark. He missed being able to pack up and go whenever he wanted, with his camera by his side and freedom in his heart. But there was another, more overbearing part to him that was missing something  _else. Someone else_. A part of him that had grown stronger over the last few years until it had become the only thing that really mattered. He was about to get up and look for her when his ears caught the sound of approaching footsteps.

And there she was. Walking towards him as her arms wrapped her cardigan tighter around her in an attempt to fend off the encroaching cold. Dark brown hair falling in waves over her shoulders. Eyes glimmering with the reflection of the dying fire as she smiled in greeting. The pine needles cushioned her steps and the moon rose in the sky behind her. Can smiled, wondering if his wife had turned into some sort of ethereal woodland spirit.

"Come here," He spoke softly, reaching a hand out towards her and shuffling over to make room on the bench. She sat beside him at an angle, his arm naturally falling around her waist as she draped her legs over his lap. Can sighed, content that she was next to him once again.

"Who won?" He enquired.

"Deren," Sanem smiled, snuggling closer against him. "But only because she cheated. Multiple times."

"Why didn't you call her out on it?" Can laughed quietly.

"Because she promised to share the prize with me," Sanem explained, closing her eyes and resting her head against his shoulder.

"Oh? And what was the prize?"

"A blueberry muffin," Sanem replied. " _And_  she ended up giving me the whole thing because she decided the carbs weren't worth it." Sanem shrugged. "Her loss." Can chuckled, enjoying the warmth of her skin against his. He pressed a kiss to her temple, making her sigh.

 _This._ This was what he wanted. What he  _needed_  more than anything else in the world. The wilderness could wait – it wasn't going anywhere. For now, the presence of Sanem by his side and the knowledge that she was carrying their child was more than enough to warm his soul. Every breath of her scent, every touch of her skin, every twinkle in her eyes as they caught the reflection of the stars; it was more than rejuvenating. It was like drinking from the fountain of life itself. The very essence of his being, the very reason for existence, was sat next to him in his arms. How could life possibly get any better than this? But Can answered the question for himself when he caught sight of the soft swell of her stomach hidden underneath her cardigan.

It was then that he felt the weight of Sanem's head becoming heavy against his chest. He glanced at her. Her eyes closed, breathing deepening and shoulders slumping. She had fallen asleep.

Can slipped one hand under her knees, the other still around her side, then stood up carefully. She groaned, the disturbance waking her for a second. He carried her inside the cabin, placing her down gently on the bed. Pulling the quilt carefully from underneath her legs to tuck her in properly.

"Good night, Sanem." He whispered against her forehead. She hummed as his lips pressed against her skin. Quickly falling back to sleep again as he settled down beside her. 


	23. Nesting

At four months along, Sanem's baby bump was beginning to become more and more noticeable. Now, obvious even under multiple layers and loose fitting clothing. As the weather warmed up, Sanem reverted back to her summer wardrobe; having the added effect of making her figure even more evident. Consequently, she became bombarded by an entourage of curious and unwelcome hands reaching out to feel her belly. It began with their work colleagues - which Can heroically shut down, noticing Sanem's discomfort with the attention. Then again a few days later, the moment she stepped into the district to visit her parents, another wave of merry neighbors had appeared to smother her in 'congratulations' and tight hugs that always ended with a hand lingering a moment too long over her stomach. It hadn't taken long for the news to spread through the village - Melahat had seen to that. Greetings of 'Have you heard?' and energetic gossip passed between excited lips had spread the news like wildfire. Now that she was visibly showing it had only exaggerated the situation. Everyone seemed to feel the need to touch her. Sanem was ready to snap. They had been walking Arslan around the park when a few random strangers had the audacity to walk over with invasive hands trying to feel her bump, causing Sanem to unleash a battery of curses at them. Can had to drag her away.

A few days later while they were getting supplies in the pet store, Can stumbled upon a dog jacket with the words "Warning: I Bite" written in large red letters. He joked that they should find one in Sanem's size. She just scowled at him.

Can soon discovered the perfect way to melt away her irritability, while also providing the perfect excuse for him to give in to his growing fascination with the changes in her body. Running his mouth over the bare skin of her soft curves, the newly settled flesh over her hips and the soft swell of her stomach. Taking advantage of the tenderness of her breasts and running his lips over the pink lightning trails scattered under her belly button. She was beautiful - stunning. Can was absolutely appalled when he discovered Sanem had become bashful about her new body and - in retaliation - began worshipping her with kisses whenever he got the chance. Making it blaringly obvious that he absolutely loved it. It timed perfectly with the sudden hormone-induced spike in Sanem's sex drive. They couldn't keep their hands off each other.

It wasn't just her physical changes Can found endearing. For the last few weeks, she had been obsessively changing and re-arranging their bedding. Having already bought and tried three different duvet cover sets before finally settling on a combination she was happy with. Can didn't fully understand what was wrong with the original bedding. She tried to explain that it wasn't soft enough - but he honestly couldn't feel the difference. Next, she moved downstairs. Bringing home a range of blankets and throw pillows for the living room after a shopping trip with Ayhan.  _Did they not already have enough blankets?_  Apparently not. She even spent weeks trying to find the perfect scent of laundry detergent. Experimenting with what seemed like hundreds of different types and brands, mixing them together and frowning every time the warm clothes came out of the washer not quite right. Not quite perfect. Eventually, she blended in an altered version of her perfume to the concoction. Smiling as she pressed her nose into the warmth of her favourite hoodie, greeted by the familiar floral scent. Emre asked a few days later, why Can's clothes smell like wild-flowers.

"What's wrong with wild-flowers?" Can asked, amused. It was mildly exasperating having to go around and collect the half used detergent bottles left in her wake but he encouraged the behavior none the less. His patience was rewarded because it didn't take long for the whole house to begin smelling like  _her_. It was divine.

 

 

As of yet, the study still remained a study. Watching Sanem one evening, as she was sat on the sofa with her legs crossed, Arslan beside her with his chin resting over her leg and both kittens bundled together on her other side just an arm's reach away. A cup of steaming hot chocolate in one of her hands and the other resting on the gentle curve of her growing stomach. Can suddenly felt his own itch to start nesting; they needed a nursery.

 

 

At the start of the weekend Can kicked his plan into action. He had messaged both Leyla and Metin earlier that week to recruit their help. Enlisting Leyla to take Sanem out for the day - to allow himself and Metin time to assemble the nursery furniture Can had covertly bought, and hidden in the garage. He was proud of himself for managing to keep Sanem oblivious to the whole arrangement.

On Saturday morning Sanem opened the front door after hearing the bell chime and was greeted with Metin's warm smile. Can had forwarned Sanem that Metin would be coming over, but negated to reveal the whole truth behind his visit. Metin pulled her into a hug, holding out her hands to the sides as he pulled away, smiling at the sight of her expanding waistline.

"Look at you! You are getting so big." He gushed, then immediately faltered when he realised his words may have been misconstrued. "Uhh, I didn't... I didn't mean..."

"It's fine Metin, calm down." Sanem giggled, stepping aside to let him into the house. Can approached, the sound of his friend's voice drawing him out of the living room.

"Good morning, my friend." He pulled Metin into a hug, patting him on the back. The two sharing a mischevious smile, doing their best to hide the exchange from Sanem.

 

 

A while later Sanem set off to pick up Leyla, who had a whole day of activities planned for the two of them. Sanem was certain she was going to collapse by the end of it. 

By late afternoon Sanem was already becoming sleepy, overcome by relentless yawning and drooping eyes. Leyla started to panic. What if Sanem asked to cut the day short? She pulled out her phone to message Can.

**Leyla - Are you nearly done? She's getting tired.**

**Can - Distract her. We need a few more hours.**

Leyla wasn't sure what she was going to do. Then, by some absolute miracle, the answer appeared in front of them. They had been walking along the high street popping in and out of various shops, but Sanem hadn't been particularly animated about any of them. Leyla stopped outside the store she had spotted, glancing through the window at the range of adorable infant apparel, nursery furnishings and fluffy teddies on display. She pulled Sanem inside - who was more than eager to follow.

"Look at this!" Leyla fawned, holding up a charming little donkey plush for Sanem to see. "I have to buy this for you!" After a few minutes, it wasn't just Sanem that had successfully been distracted.

 

They arrived at their parent's house a few hours later, Mevkibe and Nihat had not yet returned from work. Leyla prepared a pot of tea, nervously tapping against the side of her phone and sending another text to her brother-in-law.

**Leyla - Have you finished yet?**

**Can - Not quite. Sorry, it's taking longer than expected. Half an hour at most.**

"Abla, I should really go home soon. I need a nap." Sanem appeared behind her, almost making Leyla drop her phone in surprise.

"No! You can't leave yet, anne and baba were hoping to see you." Leyla protested. Sanem groaned, but agreed to stay anyway. Gratefully taking the cup of tea as Leyla handed it to her.

 

 

It was nearly dark when Sanem finally pulled the car back into the driveway. She entered the house to the familiar sound of Arslan's claws scampering over the floorboards as he ran towards the front door.

"Hello, bebek." Sanem greeted the puppy. Walking into the kitchen and unloading an armful of bags onto the table. She heard Can walking down the stairs and moments later he appeared in the doorway.

"How was your day?" He asked, a suspicious smile spreading across his face.

"Good," Sanem replied, raising her eyebrows at his expression. She filled him in on what she and Leyla had been up to. "Is Metin still here?"

"No, he left not long ago." Can replied. His eyes diverting to the collection of bags on the table. "What's all this?" Can asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Oh... I just picked out a few baby things I thought would be cute." She admitted.

"A few? There are five bags here, Sanem. Five." He laughed. Curiosity getting the better of him as he began to rummage through their contents, smiling as he pulled out a selection of infant onesies, outfits, and soft-furred teddies.

"In my defense, half of this was picked out by Leyla." Sanem raised her hands in surrender. Can chuckled, moving towards her and pulling her into a hug. Then he suddenly had an idea.

"Do you mind if I borrow these?" He enquired, stepping back towards the bags.

"What? Why?" She asked.

"Just for a moment. You stay here. I'll be back in a second." Can insisted, already creeping out the door with the bags in hand. Sanem huffed, letting herself fall onto the sofa. Ihsan soon joined her, settling on her lap.

"What is he up to, Sanie boy?" She whispered, stroking the purring cat as he settled down, leaning his head against her baby bump.

 

 

Can returned, smiling at the image of the light-ginger tabby nestled against Sanem's stomach. He didn't want to disturb them - but he was too excited not to. He needed her to come upstairs. Now.

Sanem was surprised when he suddenly grabbed her hand, nudging her onto her feet and forcing a sulking Ihsan to move onto a sofa cushion. Can led his wife upstairs. Gently tugging on her hand when she paused outside the study in confusion. He opened the door, entering first then leading her through. Sanem stepped inside, glancing around, her tired mind taking a few moments to shake off her bewilderment at the new surroundings.

The study had been completely transformed. The previously mostly-barren room had been completely replaced by a cozy, welcoming arrangement of matching white furniture, enchanting artwork and cute decorations scattered over the shelves, walls, and windowsill. It was adorable. Sanem gasped in wonder at the sight of it.

Can noticed immediately when her eyes began welling up.

"Do you not like it?" He asked, concerned he had done something wrong.

"No, I love it," She sniffed, her eyes turning red.

"Then why are you crying?" He laughed softly, pulling her into his arms.

"Because I'm tired and I'm hormonal and this is the happiest I have ever been in my life and it's all your fault." Sanem hiccupped. Can chuckled, holding her until she calmed down again.

Eventually, she began giggling at herself - s _tupid mood swings -_  as Can wiped away the remnants of the wet trails that had fallen down her face.

Sanem took the opportunity to walk around the room, investigating everything up close. Her bare toes grazing over the soft rug covering the wooden floorboards. Her hands pulling open the drawers - to find Can had already folded and put away all the baby clothes she had bought. Her fingers brushing over the frame of the wooden crib, exploring the feel of the blankets and the display of teddies Can had arranged inside. An assemblage of those she had bought today, along with the elephant from Metin and the donkey Leyla had picked out. And another she didn't recognise.

"What is  _this_?" Sanem hissed jokingly, picking it up.

"It's a Galapagos tortoise..." Can smiled and began to explain but was interrupted by Sanem hurtling the plush at his head. He ducked, catching it with an outstretched hand.

"I hate you," She said, trying not to laugh.


	24. Bubbles

Wasn’t fatigue supposed to end after the first trimester? Hadn’t she been told that? Some part of her body must not have gotten the message, because for whatever reason the debilitating grip of tiredness that had been clinging onto her for the last few months was taking its sweet time letting go. She endured it, barely, by seeking out the comfort of the sofa in Can’s study – which, it turned out, was actually not that comfortable. Still, it was better than nothing. 

The sofa was soon turned into a makeshift napping spot, equipped with fluffy blankets and a pillow that Can had brought from home. At first, Sanem had protested. Carrying around a four-and-a-half-month-old, unborn baby in her uterus didn’t mean she had to be completely incapacitated for the few hours in the middle of every day when her tiredness was at its worst. Can's attempts to suggest she take naps during the lunch break had been dismissed with a wave of her hand. Banned from caffeine, she tried to fight off her heavy eyelids by sheer determination. _She was fine. She could do this._ But as much as she tried to fool her mind, she couldn’t fool her body – which, a few days later, staged an impromptu strike right in the middle of a company meeting. Causing her to fall asleep in front of all their colleagues. Her head collapsing against the shoulder of a very baffled Deren who had the misfortune of sitting too close. But it was better that she had been - or else Sanem may have ended up slumping onto the floor.

“Um..?” Deren had whispered, glancing at Can for help.

Can carried his wife to his office, wishing she was lucid enough to acknowledge his chided “I told you so”. His suggestion turned into a demand as he pulled out the bedding from a cabinet in the bookshelf, pushing them into the arms of a very groggy Sanem.

“Fine.” She mumbled, collapsing onto the sofa.

It was not long before Arslan noticed the change in her midday routine. Lunchtime walks with Sanem and Can turned into lunchtime walks with Leyla; or Ceycey, or Guliz, or whoever else was eagerly available. He didn’t mind too much. Leyla was a friend, Guliz gave great belly rubs and Ceycey always carried special treats for him. And he knew that when he returned, Sanem would most likely still be sleeping and that he could snuggle under the blankets with her. Acting as her own personal over-sized hot water bottle for her to wrap her arms around.

 

 

Weeks passed. Sanem’s weariness gradually - delightfully - waned away. She had been pleasantly surprised when midday came around and she was still clear-headed and wide awake. She wouldn’t have even noticed the time but Arslan had returned from his outing with Ceycey and was gazing at her from under the desk with big brown eyes, wondering why their usual cuddle session had been delayed.

“Sorry, buddy.” She apologised, stroking her fingers over the soft golden fur of his forehead. 

To her dread, the fatigue dissipated only to be replaced by something equally as debilitating. Her hormones were as unstable as a sleep-deprived toddler’s. One moment she would be crying of happiness because the final cut of the Kırmızı Kurt television advertisement had been sent through and Arslan “just looked so cute” and she was “so proud of him.” Then the next she would be sobbing over the fact that someone had brought in cakes to the office but she had been too slow and now they were all gone. Deren had been horrified when Sanem burst into tears after she agreed to come along to the baby shower Leyla was organising. 

Being pregnant was weird. Sanem was certain her emotions were being toyed with by some sort of benevolent spirit. She didn’t feel in control of herself at all. It wasn’t that she was feeling more intensely than normal – but her ability to cope with those feelings had all but disappeared. It was embarrassing. Because really, what sane person has to excuse themselves from the room because Bambi starts playing on the TV and it’s too much for their heart to handle. What was even weirder was that her stomach just kept getting bigger and bigger. Logically, of course, she knew that it would. The baby had another 4 months of growing yet before it would be ready to greet the world. There was something absolutely terrifying, yet completely wonderful about knowing the bump would keep growing as their baby did. It was already starting to upset her center of balance. Gravity had begun playing games with her; she was becoming reliant on Can to help her out of chairs. Sanem was happy that she was having the chance to properly enjoy being pregnant without the impending discomforts she had been warned would follow in the upcoming months. Though Can was certain he had noticed her begin to waddle ever so slightly. He was completely besotted with her five-month-old baby bump. It was the most endearing thing he had ever seen.

 

 

“Do you think this is how the baby feels?” Sanem asked one evening as they were sat in the bath together, opposite ends of the tub, as hundreds of lavender scented bubbles floated between them.

“What do you mean?” Can asked.

“You know… safe and cozy, and surrounded by warm water.” Sanem wondered, tracing patterns in the bubbles with her finger.

“Maybe,” He nodded, his eyes flickering to the arrangement of pebbles framed on the wall beside them. According to Sanem’s app, the baby was the size of a papaya right now.

“How big do you think it’s feet are?” He wondered. Sanem followed his gaze. Moving her hand towards the frame and walking her fingers across the trail of footsteps.

“I would guess about here.” She said, tapping about a quarter of the way along the path. Her eyes twinkling.  

Sanem placed a hand on her stomach, massaging a thumb into her skin in the hope it would encourage the baby to move. She was still eagerly anticipating feeling it for the first time, so far she’d had no such luck. Hopefully, she wouldn’t have to wait long; it should happen any day now.

“Do you still think it’s a girl?” Can asked, watching her with fond eyes. Sanem thought for a moment before responding. Was it even possible to know? She had heard folktales – stories of mothers being able to ‘feel’ the gender of their babies before they were born. But that was just superstitious nonsense. Melhat had been adamant that her torment of migraines was indicative their little bean was a girl. Sanem had definitely felt something powerfully feminine when she had first found out she was carrying – after the shock had worn off. But she was beginning to wonder if that was more a consequence of being pregnant, rather than being pregnant with a girl specifically.

“I don’t know.” She answered honestly.

“Do you want it to be?” Can asked. Sanem smiled, her eyes moving away from where her thumb was rubbing circles against her belly to meet his. Images that had been playing in her mind on rewind for weeks started running through her head again. Can would be so cute with a little girl. So soft, and doting, and fiercely protective. She didn’t answer him, but the expression on her face was answer enough. 

A while later, Can helped Sanem stand up and step out of the water which had begun to turn cold. He passed her a towel. Then, once they had dressed, they headed downstairs to cook dinner.

 

 

Arslan was huddled on the sofa with the kittens; all three of them half asleep. His brown eyes blinked open as they walked through the door, only to close again as he nuzzled his nose under Ihsan’s side.

They began cooking. Can attended the stove while Sanem diced a selection of vegetables. She was mentally preparing her eyes to start on the onions when her phone chimed. Distracted for a moment, her attention drawn to the screen which she had placed on the countertop beside her. She frowned at the sight of the unknown number, then immediately hissed as the knife strayed too close to the skin of her finger, slicing open a red gash.

“Ow.” She groaned, lifting her hand to inspect the damage. Can immediately spun around, abandoning the stove.

“What have you done?” He asked, reaching for her hand to take a look for himself. A flash of worry passing over his face

“It’s fine. I just nicked it.” She insisted, as thin trails of blood began seeping down her wrist. Can rolled his eyes, pulling her towards the sink. He turned the tap on, placing her hand under the gentle stream until the water no longer ran with tints of red. It wasn’t that deep – but it was bleeding a lot.

“You need to be more careful Sanem.” He had meant for the words to be stern, but the soft worry in his voice made Sanem’s heart flutter. Can stepped away to rummage through one of the cupboards, searching for a stash of band-aids. 

“Sit.” He insisted, pointing at the stools behind her. Sanem obliged, watching closely as he delicately applied the bandage around her finger. _He’s going to be such a good dad_. She thought fondly. Then she desperately tried to blink away the wetness that was building uncontrollably in her eyes. _God damn it, not again._

“Hey,” He soothed, brushing the tears away that had started falling in gentle streaks down her face. “What’s wrong? Does it hurt?”

“No.” Sanem sniffed. “I mean yes, it does. But that’s not why I’m crying.”

“Then why?” He asked, shaking his head.

“Because I love you.” She said, her lips trembling slightly over the words.

“You’re crying because you love me?” He furrowed his brow in confusion, a small, amused smile on his lips.

“Yes!” Sanem huffed as if it should make perfect sense. Can grinned one of his big, beautiful grins and pulled her into his arms.

“Well, I love you too.” He spoke softly, kissing the top of her head. Then he slid down onto his knees in front of her, so his face lined up with the swell of her stomach, pressing his nose into her t-shirt. “And I love _you_ as well.”

“Stop!” Sanem whined, her voice cracking slightly. New, happy tears had begun falling from her eyes. She slapped him gently on the shoulder with one hand while her other was hiding her face. _Now he was just doing it on purpose._ “You’re making it worse.”


	25. Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is dedicated to awszet on Tumblr, in the hopes it will help you smile.

 

Sanem was having a disagreement with her wardrobe. Most of her outfits were now refusing to fit. Some items she had managed to temporarily modify to accommodate her growing waistline. Her jeans were still a viable option as long as she used an elastic band to tie the front together. Doing up the button was now impossible, but by tying the button and button-hole together with the band, it allowed the material the extra few inches of stretch it needed. It worked pretty well. So long as she remembered to wear something on top that could obscure the unconventional zip situation below. But her invention wouldn’t last forever. Her belly would eventually get too big.

Sanem had already given up on most of her outfits and had spent the previous weekend shopping with Leyla to replace them. Adopting one of Can’s old t-shirts as a substitute for her too small pajama top hadn’t been necessary – she could have bought another one – but she did so anyway. Her pajama pants still had enough give to handle her new frame, but she had to adjust the ribbon holding them up every few weeks as she continued to grow, tying a new bow in place so that they sat snuggly around her hips. The first time she had made the adjustment one evening before going to bed, Can had watched her with a soft look in his eyes. A look that she didn’t fully understand, but found endearing none the less. He reached out for her. Sanem curled up in the bed beside him as he pulled the duvet over them. He immediately wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close against his chest. Sanem tucked her head under the crook of his neck, his chin resting on top of her head and her hands clutching the fabric over his chest. Her stomach pressed into his, but thankfully it didn’t impede their closeness. She loved being with him like this, feeling the warmth of his skin and the security of his arms surrounding her. Can began to brush gentle fingers through her hair, making them both hum with happiness.

 

 

It was becoming difficult to exercise. Walking made her feet hurt and anything more strenuous left her gasping for air. Sanem had never been a particularly active person but the weight of lugging around a tiny human inside of her was making the concept of working out even more unappealing. The suggestion of yoga had been Ayhan’s idea. Sanem wasn’t particularly keen, but when Ayhan had knocked on the door the following weekend fully dressed for the occasion with a pair of colourful yoga mats under one arm, Sanem could hardly say no.

It became a Saturday morning routine. Wistfully, it had taken over their usual tea and biscuits sessions, which were normally followed by a short walk with Arslan. Sanem was beginning to miss the old routine. She didn’t outwardly complain. It was good for her, and on occasion it was fun. Especially whenever Can or the cats were around to join in. It would sometimes end in a fit of laughter as the kittens tried to investigate what the point of the game was supposed to be. Attempts to climb on their backs while they were in the middle of a pose led to Ilkay and Ihsan being evicted from the room. It was cute, if not slightly inconvenient.

“Sanem, you're not doing it right!” Ayhan insisted, attempting to demonstrate a proper triangle pose. Feet planted firmly apart on the rubber yoga mat, one hand on the floor and the other stretching up into the air. “You are supposed to be looking up.”

“I’m trying.” Sanem giggled. She wobbled as she tried to tilt her head up towards the sky. The warm weather had lured them both outside for once. The blue sky was clear and warm, but attempts to look up at it made Sanem wobble.

“Try harder.” Ayhan joked.

“I’d like to see you give it a go with a giant belly in the way. I’m gonna fall over” Sanem huffed, blowing a loose strand of hair off her face that had escaped the bun. “Can we go back to the last move, what was it called? Savasomething or other?”

“Savasana? You want to go back to literally lying motionless on the ground?” Ayhan chuckled, shaking her head.

“Yes, that one is my favourite.”

“No, Sanem. Just twenty more seconds.” Ahyan demanded, closing her eyes. “Deep breath in … and deep breath out.” Sanem followed her friend’s instruction, filling her lungs slowly before exhaling again. Taking in the smell of the freshly cut grass and listening to the melody of bird song drifting from the trees. Their garden could be beautifully peaceful at times.

“Are you even qualified to teach prenatal yoga?” Sanem asked.

“No, not at all. I’m not even technically qualified to teach  _normal_  yoga.” 

“Then how do you know if I’m even physically supposed to be able to do this right now?” Sanem wondered, her forehead creasing. She glanced at her friend whose eyes were still shut. She took advantage of the opportunity to unravel and collapse against the mat while Ayhan wasn’t looking.

“Oh, you’re fine. Stop complaining. I have been watching YouTube videos, I know what I’m doing.” Ayhan let out one final breath then released from the pose, blinking her eyes open to discover Sanem relaxing on the floor, pulling daisies out of the grass. Sanem flashed her an innocent smile, Ayhan just rolled her eyes half-heartedly.

 

 

Sanem had already made Ayhan a whole daisy crown by the time Can returned. He appeared at the backdoor, Arslan immediately ran passed him to greet Ayhan and Sanem on bouncing legs.

“How was your walk?” Sanem cooed at the puppy as he bounded towards her.

“It was good. We met an adorable Corgi, I’m pretty sure they are best friends now.” Can said, walking over. “Are you nearly ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Sanem replied, glancing around for something to help her stand up. Normally she would have the convenience of the sofa to lean against, but out on the lawn, she was stranded.

“Help,” She reached out towards Can, who was already moving behind her. Then, hooking his arms through hers, he carefully – slowly – lifted her onto her feet.

“Thank you,” Sanem kissed him on the cheek after catching her balance. “Are you heading off?” She asked, turning towards Ayhan.

“Oh, I think I might stay. That way I can get the news as soon as you come back – and I can keep this little nutcase company.” Ayhan indicated to Arslan who was half sprawled across her lap. Sanem nodded. Can took her hand, with an excited smile on his face, he began leading her towards the Car.

 

 

Dr. Naysül greeted them with her usual cheeriness. Sanem was already sat on the examination table, thankfully still dressed in her own clothes. There was no need for hospital gowns today.

“Good afternoon! How has everything been for the both of you?” Naysül asked as she plonked herself into a wheelie chair and shuffled towards the table.

“Everything's been fine. Perfect.” Sanem beamed, her fingers tapping against the skin of her stomach with nervous excitement.

“That’s always good to hear.” Naysül smiled. “The baby has certainly grown quite a lot since your last visit. Are you wanting to find out the sex today?” Their decision hadn’t taken them particularly long. A short conversation a few days ago had confirmed that they were both on the same page. Can squeezed her hand as Sanem nodded to the Doctor.

“Okay, brilliant. Let’s get started then.”

 

 

Despite the warning, the gel was still colder than Sanem was expecting. She let out a little hiss when it touched her skin.  _Did they keep that stuff in a freezer?_  Naysül turned the ultrasound machine on making the screen flicker to life. The doctor positioned the wand over Sanem’s belly. Watching the screen, Naysül probed around for a moment before finding what she was looking for.

Sanem’s heart melted. Seeing it for the first time had been emotional enough, but this was something completely different. Their little bean wasn’t just a little bean anymore. It looked like a real person. A real human being. It had legs now, which were tucked up against its stomach, its feet swaying slowly. Arms floated in front of its chest, its hands –  _oh my gosh, its tiny little hands_  - gently grasping the water. When Naysül shifted the wand slightly, outlines of a face became more prominent. Sanem could pick out a delicate nose, tiny ears, and a soft chin. It was beautiful.

“Everything is great. The baby looks very healthy.” Naysül reassured them. “He has a good, strong heartbeat; bone structure seems perfect…” Sanem’s head snapped away from the screen towards the doctor who was apparently completely oblivious to what had just slipped out of her mouth.

_He?_

Naysül just continued talking. “The position of the placenta is ideal. By all means, it looks like the rest of your pregnancy will be pretty breezy. In about three months you should have a perfectly healthy little…” She floundered, suddenly noticing both of the soon-to-be parents staring at her with wide eyes. “Oh... I did it again, didn’t I? Sorry, I have never been very good at waiting for the proper reveal. Well, the cat’s out of the bag now.” She took a breath and cleared her throat. “Mr. and Mrs. Divit, I am delighted to confirm that you are having a little boy.”

 _A boy. They were having a son._ It took them both a moment to take it in.

“Do you mind?” Can eventually asked, squeezing her hand.

“No. No, of course not.’ Sanem replied breathlessly, shaking her head. She couldn’t take her eyes off the black and white image on the screen. “Not at all.”  _This is perfect. This is so absolutely perfect. She is having a boy, a tiny, little miniature version of Can._ Sanem had been so focused on imagining a little girl, that she had barely entertained the concept of a boy. But now, her heart was already falling in love with him. Falling in love with the idea of a baby boy with dark curly hair, big brown eyes and a reflection of Can’s bright smile on his chubby little face. It was only when the unexpected taste of salt met her tongue that Sanem realised she was crying again.

 

 

Ayhan let out an elated squeal when they told her. “It’s a good thing the nursery is already blue!” She pulled Sanem into a tight hug. 

 


	26. Seni Seviyorum

Later that evening, Sanem lay on the sofa with her head leaning on the armrest. The kittens were keeping her company. They had nuzzled their way next to her, one down either side. Ilkay had draped herself over Sanem’s left arm, trapping it under a pile of purring fur. Ihsan, to her right, rested with his forehead pressed against the side of her stomach. It almost looked as if he were trying to telepathically communicate with the baby. His purring was causing the skin over Sanem’s stomach to vibrate gently. She wondered if the baby was awake and attentively listening to the sound. Or if the reverberations had lulled him to sleep. She lifted the hem of her t-shirt up, exposing the skin of her five-month-old baby bump.

Sanem was astonished and slightly startled at the influx of emotions that had been overflowing her heart since the sonogram earlier that day. Maybe it was just the hormones making her wobbly again, or maybe it was real. Maybe she really was already completely, utterly and overwhelmingly besotted with the little human growing inside her. How was it possible to love so fiercely, a person you have never even met before?

“I’m sorry I was ever scared of you.” She whispered softly, placing a palm on her stomach, rubbing a thumb in gentle circles. All the fears and worries she’d had seemed so inconsequential now. Their home was ready, work would patiently wait for her to return and Can was already the most doting and devoted father in the world. “I love you so much. I can’t wait to meet you.” Another four months was beginning to feel like such a bitterly long time to wait. She was impatient. Her heart felt like that of an appetent child a few days before Christmas, ogling at the presents hidden under the tree, restless to discover what was inside. But Sanem had a feeling this was going to be ten times better.

Can entered the living room. His gazing falling on the sight of his pregnant wife sandwiched between the sleeping kittens. He walked towards the sofa, kneeling in front them and gazing at Sanem with a warm smile.

“Your son is very stubborn.” She complained.

“Oh? What’s he done now?” Can grinned in amusement.

“It’s not something he has done, it’s what he’s refusing to do. I still haven’t felt him move.”

“Naysül said it was relatively normal not to feel anything yet, considering it’s your first pregnancy. We just need to be patient.” Can reminded her. Sanem scrunched up her nose in annoyance making Can chuckle. “Maybe it’s already happened. Maybe it was too gentle to notice, especially if you were distracted with something else.” Sanem frowned, she hoped not. That would be like missing a major milestone, like his first wobbly steps or his first babbled words. She didn’t want to miss a thing.

“Are there any techniques to encourage them?” Can asked, noticing the disappointment on her face.

“There was a mother’s blog I found that suggested making lots of noise to wake them up, then carefully paying attention for any signs of movement. Slamming doors is supposed to do the trick.”

“That seems a bit mean.” Can grimaced.

“That’s exactly what I thought. What’s the difference between that and scaring awake a newborn – you might not have to deal with the consequences of a screaming baby, but it doesn’t change the fact you’ve scared them awake.” She sighed. “I guess I’ll just have to wait for him to introduce himself in his own time.”

“Are you hungry?” Can asked. “I can start making dinner.”

“I am.” She sat up slightly, trying not to disturb the sleeping cats. “But  _I_  want to cook… I want to practice.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? I don’t want you chopping a hand off, and the four of you seem pretty cozy sat here.”

“I’ll be fine.” Sanem insisted resolutely as she eased her numb arm out from under the grey tortoiseshell.

 

 

While Sanem singlehandedly attempted to cook something that was somewhat edible, Can politely made himself scarce from the kitchen. Only stepping in to give assistance after Sanem called out for help. She had only just about been able to reach the top cupboards  _before_  she got pregnant, attempts to do so now were completely futile. 

 

 

Twenty minutes later, feeling mildly impressed with herself, Sanem abandoned the pot to simmer over the stove. Her eyes were pulled to where her phone had been sitting on the countertop as the screen lit up with a missed call notification. It had become a habit of hers to keep it on silent to prevent any untimely ringing while in the office, so she hadn’t heard it. Her forehead creased as she realised it was exactly the same number that had called a few days ago. Odd. It was probably just spam, so she ignored it.

Leyla had been informed of the baby news a few hours ago. Normally, that would inevitably mean that her parents would soon find out too. However, Mevkibe and Nihat were currently frolicking through Northern Italy, a week into the trip Sanem and Can had arranged for them. She dialed her mother’s number, holding the phone against her ear as she begun smiling with anticipation of her parent's excitement. A few seconds later she heard the familiar sound of her mother’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Hello?” Mevkibe answered.

“Anne, how are you and baba doing?” Sanem smiled.

“We are both very well, thank you. How are you doing?”

“I’m great. Everyone is doing well back home. And don’t worry, the district hasn’t erupted into chaos in the few days you have been gone. How is Italy?”

“Oh, it’s so beautiful Sanem! It’s so magical here it’s like walking straight into a romance novel. We have so many photos to show you when we get home. We can't thank you and Can enough for making this happen. But how are you, how is the baby?” Mevkibe pressed the question again, not satisfied with the re-directed answer she had received the first time. Sanem’s smile widened.

“The baby is doing great.  _He_  is doing great.”

Mevkibe immediately gasped. “It’s a boy? Allah, you didn’t tell us you were finding out today! I’m having a grandson?” Sanem winced as her mother let out an ear-splitting shout of ‘Nihat!’

The rest of the phone call went by in a rush of questions.  _Was he healthy? Had they been given a suggested due date? Did they get updated sonogram photos?_  Despite the hundreds of miles between them, Sanem could feel her mother’s excitement through the phone. They must have been talking for half an hour because the timer for the food suddenly started to ring. Reluctantly, her parents agreed to leave her in peace. Wishing her goodnight only after Sanem promised to message through a photo of the new sonogram.

She hung up the phone, turned off the timer, then with trepidation, removed the lid from the pot. Can arrived, walking up behind her.

“Did it work? Or should I call for takeout?” His question earned him a half-hearted glare.

“Of course it worked. I was using a recipe.”

“You were? And did you actually follow it?” Can raised an eyebrow.

“Yes!” Sanem huffed. “I did. At least… to begin with. It had a lot of steps. I got fed up and eventually just threw everything in together.”

Can chuckled. “Of course you did. Well… it doesn’t smell burnt so that’s already an improvement.” 

Can tossed together an accompanying salad as Sanem prepared the outdoor dining table. The evening was still warm and she was feeling the need for fresh air. The two of them were soon sat at the table, staring with apprehension at the plates of food in front of them. Can braved the first bite, and Sanem was pleased that he didn't immediately start chocking. 

"That's... actually not bad." He admitted, giving his wife a suspicious look. "Did you actually make this or did you just swap it in for a pre-prepared version?"

"Rude." Sanem laughed before taking a bite herself. It wasn't awful. The balance of flavours was slightly off, it needed a tad more salt - but it was definite progress. 

Their plates were clean by the time they had finished, there wasn't even any left over for poor Arslan to try.


	27. Butterflies and Baby Showers

   Sanem decided it was finally time to introduce the kittens to the garden. In a few days, they would be unwillingly handed over to the vet's for their own neutering – as much as she loved the cats she didn't need any more, and one pregnant female in the house was plenty. Worried they might follow in their mother's footsteps, Sanem only allowed them outside for a short, supervised period each day. At first, taking them out in a harness until their elation from being released into the wild simmered down to restrained curiosity. Then, finally, she let them loose. The kittens explored, and sniffed, and eagerly followed Arslan around as he took them on a tour of the flower beds and footpaths.

   Sanem sat on the lawn watching them, reassuring them whenever they wandered back over. Ilkay was the more adventurous spirit of the two. Little Sannie would only last a few minutes before returning to sit at Sanem's side to gather back his courage.

   Can emerged from the house where he had been making lunch. He walked over, placing himself down on the grass beside them. She gave him a small smile in greeting before her attention fell back to Ilkay, who was currently chasing a yellow butterfly. Can's attention, as it had the habit of doing, fell on Sanem.

   She had started glowing. His wife had always been beautiful, but there was something ethereal about her now, amplified by the warmth and brightness of the midday sun on her skin. A constant, rosy blush lingered in her cheeks. Her skin was perfectly clear and her eyes seemed brighter than usual. Her hair was shining like that of a model who had just walked off the set of a L'oréal advert, it's normal waves more pronounced and soft against his fingers. The changes were recent, and he was certain he must have been exaggerating them in his own head because how could anyone possibly look like that in real life? She was gorgeous. But she was so much more than that, there wasn't even a word for it. 

   He wasn't even consciously aware of his decision to kiss her but he suddenly found his lips pressing against hers. She sighed, melting against him. Her hands found their way to his chest as his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her onto his lap. She ran one hand behind his neck, pulling him closer towards her and kissing back, softly at first, but then with a passionate insistence until... 

   She suddenly stopped. Can groaned as she moved away with a distant look in her eyes.

   "Everything okay?" Can asked. She was staring at his chest, but he had the impression she was looking through him rather than at him.

   "What?" Sanem asked as if she hadn't heard. Can wasn't entirely sure if the question was even for him.

   "I asked if everything was okay?" He repeated softly. Sanem hummed in affirmation, still concentrating with a confused look on her face on something he wasn't privy to. Then she gasped, her eyes going wide and a hand flying to her stomach.

   "I can feel him." She whispered in awe. "He's moving." It had been so gentle at first – she hadn't been sure - like the soft fluttering of a butterfly's wings brushing against her insides. An excited, uninhibited smile spread across her face.

   "Really?" Can placed his own hand on her stomach wanting to share in the experience. Sanem moved it slightly, replacing her hand with his over where she had felt the soft kicking. Can paid careful attention for a few moments before frowning.

   "I can't feel anything." He pouted.

   "I'm not that surprised. It's very gentle." Sanem consoled him with an apologetic smile on her face. "Maybe he needs stronger legs before you can feel him from the outside."

   "Maybe."

   "It won't be long. Stop pouting." She gave him another quick kiss before awkwardly standing up. It was getting easier now she'd had time to adjust to her new center of balance, but her large belly getting in the way made it less than elegant. "Where has Ilkay gone?"

   They found her chasing a petrified frog. Sanem quickly lifted the tortoiseshell kitten against her chest and led all three of their four-legged children back into the house so they could have lunch.

 

 

   "What the hell are you eating?" Can asked as he entered his office the following Monday. Glaring at Sanem as she sat working at the desk, a bag of carrot sticks and a jar of peanut butter on the table in front of her. She blinked at him as he pointed to the peanut butter-dipped carrot she had been raising to her mouth.

   "What?" She asked sheepishly. "At least it's organic."

   "That's disgusting." He chuckled, rolling his eyes at her. If he thought this was bad. She definitely wasn't going to tell him about the bowl of chocolate drizzled nachos she had gorged on yesterday.

   "Oh, by the way," Sanem began, crunching down on the carrot. "Leyla has organised the baby shower for Sunday. I need you out of the house."

   "What? Why am I not allowed to come?" He asked, sitting down in his chair.

   "We were kind of intending for it to be a girl's day. No guys allowed" She shrugged, taking another bite.

   "You invited Ceycey." Can pointed out. "In case you've forgotten, he's a guy."

   "Oh please, Ceycey barely counts."

   "I don't think that's very fair." Can laughed. "And anyway, it's my baby too – I think I have the right to be at the baby shower." He grumbled softly. Sanem paused, feeling slightly guilty. Was he actually upset or was he just being melodramatic?

   "Maybe you could throw your own version." She suggested. "Go out for the day with the guys for a little adventure in the mountains or something."

   "That doesn't really seem like a baby shower, isn't the whole point that they're pregnancy-themed?"

   "Yeah... but if you think I'll agree for me and this belly to be paraded around in front of a gathering of your friends, you are bitterly mistaken."

   "But you're happy to parade around in front of all  _your_  friends." He countered.

   "Yes. Because they are  _mine_. And they are all women. Mostly." She took his hand from across the table, entwining their fingers. "I don't mean to exclude you. You get to fawn over me and this baby all the time. This is just one day that I want to share this with my friends. And maybe, if you want to invite a few people over for dinner one evening to gush about how proud and excited you are about being a father, I suppose it wouldn't be so bad." She grinned at him.

   "Okay, you have yourself a deal." He smiled back, nodding.

 

 

   Leyla was the first to arrive on Sunday. As coordinator, she was determined to be at the house an hour early to prepare. She arrived, bustling through the door with a selection of bags in one hand and a bunch of blue balloons in the other.

   “What’s all this for?” Sanem asked, bemused.

   “You’ll find out later. There is more in the car, help me bring it in.”

   The living room soon became overrun with decorations. A giant ‘congratulations!’ sign was hung on the wall and the balloons distributed around the room. Sanem sat at the table, watching Leyla dart around putting everything in its place. After attempting to help, she had banished to the sofa for ‘getting in the way’.

   The room was beginning to look overwhelming blue by the time Ceycey and Ayhan knocked on the front door. Guliz and Deren arrived not long after.

   “Thank you all for coming.” Leyla greeted them, then led them into the living room. The arrangement of sofas surrounding the fireplace provided ample space for them all to sit together. Leyla provided a selection of snack food on the coffee table while everyone talked.

   “Is Arslan around?” Guliz asked.

   “I'm sorry, he's not. He joined Can’s day out with Emre, Metin and Akif.”

   “What about the cats?” Deren asked with apprehension.

   “They are upstairs in the bedroom. They had their surgeries a few days ago and are still recovering.” Deren nodded, seeming pleased that the animals weren't around to send her into a fit of sneezing.

   “Can we see the nursery?” Guliz asked eagerly. Ceycey, Deren and Guliz had yet to be shown the updated room.

   “Of course.” Sanem stood up, leading them all upstairs. Ayhan and Leyla followed behind despite having already been inside multiple times. Even Deren followed, appearing almost as keen at the others. Sanem opened the door.

   “Allah! It’s so adorable.” Guliz said as she stepped inside.

   “I know, I cried when I first saw it.” 

   “It seems you have been doing nothing  _but_  crying for the last month, Sanem.” Ceycey. “We could have filled all the local reservoirs with your tears if we had enough buckets.”

   “Hey. I haven’t cried in three days, thank you very much.”

   “Three whole days? Well done, that’s a new record.” Ceycey teased.

   After they had taken in their fill of the nursery and fawning over the collection of teddies and outfits, they headed back downstairs. Ilkay must have heard them talking because she had begun to wail from behind the door of the spare bedroom.

   “Are they okay?” Ceycey asked with concern as they walked back into the hallway.

   “Oh, she’s fine. Ilkay's just our little drama queen. She just wants some attention.” Sanem explained as they returned downstairs.

 

 

   “Do you have a name picked out yet?” Guliz asked a while later.

   “No, we're going to wait to name him. I feel like you can’t properly pick out a name until you have met them, you know? I want to see him, get a feel on his energy and what he looks like before we choose.”

 

 

   Sanem had always felt shy when opening presents in front of people and today was no different. But at least she could convince herself that the gifts weren’t technically for her - they were for the baby. The nursery was already bursting at the seams with things they had bought themselves,  Sanem had requested that her friends not go too overboard. Guliz went first. Presenting an arrangement of short children’s books and a collection of hand-designed albatross themed wall stickers for the nursery. From Ayhan; a bundle of endearing onesies and matching beanie hats.

   Ceycey gave her a fox. It was similar to his own, slightly chunkier and fluffier, dressed in a dapper, little wool suit and bow tie.

   “In my homeland foxes are seen as good luck charms and protectors from maleficent spirits. I was given mine by my mother. He has watched over me and kept me safe my whole life. I offer you this one in the hopes he can do the same for your son.”

   “Thank you, Ceycey.” Remarkable, she managed to stop her voice from shaking. The tears were already building up, but she managed to keep them at bay with a few discreet, rapid blinks. She could feel the fluttering of the babies feed against her stomach, in response to her emotions. She placed a hand over her stomach to calm him. The desperate hope today would not cause her to erupt into waterworks was slipping away. With two gifts left to go, she was starting to doubt her chances.

   Deren handed over her present. Sanem unwrapped it carefully, pulling out a baby mobile. Little knitted cats and dogs hung down from a wooden ring. When she looked closely, she noticed that the animals looked remarkably like her own.

   “Where did you find this?” She asked.

   “I made it.”

   “You made it? Since when can you knit?” Ceycey asked surprised.

   “Since always.” Deren glanced around at her friends who were all in a state of genuine shock. “I’m a creative director. Do you really think I would have a job like that unless I was a creative person? I’ve been knitting for years. My grandmother taught me.”

   Sanem was impressed with the level of detail, Deren had captured their colouration perfectly – even Ilkay, with her mottled patchwork of tri-coloured fur.

   “It’s beautiful Deren, thank you.” Perhaps she would have cried, but the amusement of imagining Deren sat in old fashioned grannies chair with a pair of knitting needles kept the tears away.

   “My turn!” Leyla declared. Sanem suddenly became apprehensive; Leyla had been buzzing about this gift for weeks. Her sister passed over a gift bag with a large smile on her face. Sanem peered inside, then pulled out a box containing … some sort of electronic device?

   “It’s a home heartbeat monitor. For the baby." Leyla explained, noticing the confusion on Sanem's face. "You have been listening to that phone recording for months, I thought this could be a bit of an upgrade, so you can listen to him in real time. I thought we could try it out today.”

   “How does it work?” Sanem asked eagerly.

   “I don’t actually know.”

   Leyla instructed Sanem to lay back on the sofa as the others gathered around her. Ceycey appointed himself in charge of the instruction manual, trying to make sense of it as Leyla inspected the device. Five minutes of squabbling passed before they finally managed to find the 'on' button. Sanem lifted up her t-shirt. Few people had seen her bare baby bump, now under the gaze of so many eyes she was beginning to feel exposed, but she also felt unexpectedly proud. The feel of it rushing through her heart as everyone gathered around to hear the little boy growing inside her. Leyla spent the next ten minutes fruitlessly searching for any sign of the baby, brushing the probe over her sister’s swollen stomach.

   “What if there  _isn’t_  a heartbeat?” Ceycey whispered. Ayhan immediately slapped him over the head with a cushion.

   “Try a bit lower,” Ayhan suggested.

   “No, to the left,” Ceycey advised.

   “It can’t be that difficult. He has to be in there somewhere.” Ayhan huffed.

   “I’m sorry, since when did you become a trained nurse?” Leyla snapped at Ayhan, but let her take over anyway.

   “Oh, is that it?” Ayhan asked, as she discovered a faint, slow pulsing.

   “No, I’m pretty sure that’s  _my_  heartbeat. He is probably in an unhelpful position.”

   “Can you not feel where he is?” Ceycey asked Sanem. She shook her head. The problem, she believed, was that they were all being ridiculously gentle with her.

   “Give it here.” She insisted, taking the probe from Ayhan. She was no expert, but at least she had actually attended a proper sonogram before. There was a chance that they wouldn’t find anything, the instructions had advised that it wasn’t always easy to catch onto the heartbeat. Sanem wasn’t worried, she could still feel him kicking sporadically. She shifted the probe around, pressing down more firmly than her friends had been, until… There.

   “It’s so fast.” Guliz whispered, listening to the sound.

   “It supposed to be because he’s so small,” Sanem explained fondly.

   They stayed like that for a moment, all of them - even Deren - mesmerised by the watery pulsing. After a while the beating faded away, he must have shifted because Sanem couldn’t catch it again. Leyla stood up, wiping away the single tear that had fallen down her cheek.

   “So, who wants some lunch?” Leyla asked with wobbly voice.

 

 

  Guliz and Ceycey had disappeared upstairs to peep in on the bed-resting cats. Deren lent a hand to Leyla who was laboring in the kitchen while Ayhan and Sanem sat outside drinking tea on the hanging bench Can had constructed a few months ago. They sat in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company and the warmth of the afternoon sun on their skin, as Sanem rocked the bench gently with her foot. She placed a hand on her belly, attentively focusing on the pattern and feel of the baby’s kicks while he was in a particularly spirited mood. They were happening more often now, but it was still too soon to feel from the outside.

   “Can I ask you a question?” Ayhan asked, pulling Sanem out of her daze.

   “I think technically you just did,” Sanem teased, Ayhan stuck out a tongue at her. “Alright, go ahead.

   “Is it true that the hormones make your sex drive go ape-shit during the second trimester?” Ayhan blurted out. Sanem immediately began choking on her tea and blushing furiously.

   “Ayhan!”

   “What?” Ayhan smiled innocently, wiggling her eyebrows. 

   Yes. Yes, it was very true but there was no way she was going to admit that. Her face turned a deeper red as she recalled the events of last night, the sound of high-pitched moans, the burning heat of their touching skin, hearts racing in their chests. Her body writhing underneath him as he… Sanem coughed, pulling herself out of the memory as Deren stepped outside holding a tray of buffet food - the perfect excuse to escape Ayhan’s question.  

 

 

   Sanem was exhausted by the time everyone left. The baby must have been too because his last kick had been a while ago, an indication that he had fallen asleep. 

   She was sat on the bed in her pajamas, finishing a tub of ice cream when Can returned later that evening. 

   "Should you be eating that at this time? Won't it give you nightmares." He asked. Sanem shrugged.

   "The baby demanded it." She explained, placing the empty tub on the bedside table, then she reached out a hand towards him. "Come here." 

   Can climbed into the bed beside her, curling his body behind her as she settled down on her side. He slipped one arm under her head and the other around her waist so he surrounded her entirely. 

   "How is he doing?" Can asked.

   "He's been very active today. I think he missed you." 

   "I missed him too." Can said, pressing his lips against the back of Sanem's hair, making her humm in content. 


	28. Falih Rıfkı Atay

There were a few things Arslan absolutely hated. Number one: baths. They were completely unnecessary in his opinion. They left him wet, far too clean and smelling appallingly like flowers - a smell no sane dog would ever choose to wear. Number two: being left alone. Or, even worse, being surrounded by people and yet ignored anyway. He'd spent too many months companionless as a puppy sitting in a cramped kennel, he didn't want to ever be left alone again. Number three: long car journeys. They stirred up unpleasant memories of abandonment, fierce hunger and damp shelter from a time in his life he would rather not remember. Arslan had braved previous road trips by taking comfort in sitting by the feet, or on the laps of his new humans. He was growing too big for that now. 

Can's offer to drive Metin, Akif and Emre to Falih Rıfkı Atay - their chosen hiking destination, was beginning to feel like a bad idea. Arslan had been unhappily secured into the trunk of the car with a harness. The car soon became full of people, creating an unfortunate mix of two of his least favorite things. Over-excitement about having so many people in the car mixed with the frustration that  _nobody_  was paying him any attention was manifesting into a full-blown tantrum. Forty minutes into the journey he'd had enough. Arslan buried his nose in the gap between the car seats in front of him - it was as close as he could get to the humans with his harness in place. Then, he began to cry.

Can was stunned. A few shocked seconds passing before he tried to calm the distraught puppy. "Arslan!" 

"Is he okay?" Akif frowned, covering his ears to block out the wailing.

"He has some separation anxiety issues," Can sighed. "We are working on it."

"Would it help if we moved him?" The middle seat between Akif and Metin was free, and Arslan's whining didn't seem to be stopping any time soon. They still had another twenty minutes before they would arrive.

"If you can - but be careful."

Akif awkwardly reached over the back seats to unhook Arslan's harness. And immediately regretted it. The gangly dog launched himself over the back of the seats, causing a commotion as he frantically greeted each of them – licking their faces, hitting them with his wagging tail and trending on them with heavy paws.

"Arslan!" Can yelped, trying not to laugh. He pushed the over-grown puppy away as he tried to scramble onto Can's lap. The car swerving slightly as the puppy's weight pushed the steering wheel out of his grasp. Arslan wanted cuddles. Road safety be damned.

Eventually, Metin managed to pin him down. The harness was secured again as Arslan lay sprawled between Metin and Akif. His usual goofy grin returned to his face, complete with a stuck out tongue.

"Allah, honestly you're going to be the death of us, Arslan." Can chuckled at the dopey expression on the puppy's face. Clearly, he was pleased with himself.

 

 

They arrived at the park without further incident. It was a good day for hiking. The sun was warm and bright, casting dappled patches of sunlight on the ground as it fell through the trees. Birds sung from their branches and bees danced through the air in their search for flowers. Can pulled the car to a stop in the carpark, and soon everyone spilled out. 

The route was one Can was familiar with, but it was difficult to become tired of a place like this. A part of the word so removed from the rush and bustle of activity found in Istanbul that it almost felt as if time stood still, inviting you to clear your head and take in the serene peace. 

They began walking. Carrying rucksacks full of supplies, water and a picnic lunch on their backs. Arslan excitedly trotted along with them, happy to be out of the car and running loose through the trees.

 

 

An hour later Metin and Emre were walking side by side a little way ahead. Can walked with Akif, as Arslan ran back and forth between them. Can pulled out his phone. Again. The reception was patchy out here, he wanted to make sure he didn't have any missed calls.

"Brother, you have been checking that phone every five minutes since we left. Stop it." Akif chuckled, shaking his head.

"I just want to make sure everything's alright, that she hasn't tried to contact me."

"Honestly Can, you've only been gone a few hours and you're already pouting and wanting to run back to her. I'm sure everything's fine."  Akif rolled his eyes, taking the phone. "Here, put the volume  _all_  the way up, and leave it in your rucksack. Take a moment to enjoy the countryside, the fresh air, the company of your friends!"

Can huffed, but did as Akif suggested. It wasn't long before Can inevitably began to talk about the baby. He rarely seemed to want to discuss much else these days. Akif smiled at the way Can's eyes twinkled whenever he talked about Sanem, or their unborn son. 

"Does your mother know?" Akif asked tentatively, aware Huma was a touchy subject.

"I hope not." Can grimaced. "We haven't told her. I asked everyone to keep it quiet. But you know what my mother's like. She'll find out eventually." Akif nodded sympathetically. Huma's return to Istanbul a few years ago had been a bitter pill Can had fought not to swallow. She had attempted to weave her way back into her son's lives with the grace of a rose vine wrapping its way around their limbs, pretty at face value but leaving behind hundreds of tiny, red wounds. Eventually, the truth of her callous, manipulative behaviour unraveled in front of them all like an uncoiling snake, her lies and deceptions becoming plane to see. How she had first allied herself with Ceyda, then with Polen – all in an attempt to push Sanem away. The love of his life. Who Huma had unjustly deemed entirely unworthy of Can's attention. Then she had gone out of her way to attempt to make Sanem feel the same. For the second time in his life, Can had disowned his own mother. 

The following months were spent painstakingly pulling out the remaining thorns that had embedded themselves in his and Sanem's relationship, the bitter remnants of Huma's meddling. Heartfelt apologies never seemed like enough. But by some miracle Sanem's confidence returned stronger than ever. 

Huma fled Turkey, partially in disgrace and partially in frustration over the futility of scheming to control her son's lives. 

An overbearing weight had been lifted of Can's shoulders when they finally moved into the new house. They'd kept the address between close friends and trusted family only; she wouldn't be able to waltz through the front door anymore. He could breathe again. Keeping his mother's toxic claws out of his new life had been the best decision he had ever made. A decision he would firmly stick to. He didn't want Huma anywhere near Sanem, or their baby. 

"What is he doing?" Akif whispered, pulling Can out of his thoughts. His eyes followed Akif's to where he was watching Arslan step slowly towards a puddle. In an instant, it became clear that the puddle was more mud than water. Arslan delightfully rolled himself in head first making Can groan. 

 

 

It was midday when they stopped for lunch. They stumbled across a glade of wooden picnic benches just as their stomachs began to rumble. A very muddy Arslan settled down by their feet and delighted in the occasional scrap of food that discreetly 'fell' to the ground. 

“So, any recent baby news?” Metin asked. “Have you chosen a name for him yet? Personally, I still vote you should take ‘Metin’ into consideration.” 

After finding out they were having a boy, it had taken Can mere seconds after walking out of the hospital to update his friends. He pried the recent sonogram photo out of his wallet, presenting it to Metin with a proud smile on his face.

“He’s doing well. Sanem’s begun to feel him moving which is good. The doctor says everything’s healthy, and that he should be here in early September…” Can trailed off, noticing their exchange of amused smirks. “What?”

“Nothing,” Metin chuckled. “It’s just you… all like  _this._  It’s unexpected.”

Can raised an eyebrow. “All like  _what_?”

“All googly-eyed and lovesick,” Akif teased. 

“Googly-eyed?” Can stammered.  _Was he?_

“Can Divit. The wandering wolf.” Akif began, dramatically. “Who once held a reputation to rival Tarzan, Hercules, even the great god Zeus himself. Now, look at you, soft as a puppy.”

“Aw, don’t be so harsh, Akif.” Emre scolded. “I don’t think that’s fair to Arslan, I’m pretty sure he’s got a bite hidden inside him somewhere. Can isn’t a puppy; he’s a fluffy little teddy bear.” Emre mocked, ruffling his brother’s hair. The others laughed.

"Haha, very funny." Can rolled his eyes, trying to set his hair straight. 

“Out of all of us, I was sure you’d be the last to get married,” Akif confessed. “I imagined you’d eventually give in to your father’s wishes and marry Polen. Though, I never believed you’d be particularly happy with this sort of life.”

“See, never in a million years did I think you’d ever get married." Metin shook his head. "Not even to Polen. It seemed so unfathomable to ever imagine you settling down. I just couldn't picture it. And yet, here you are. Not only happily married, but living the complete package of domestic bliss. Your own house, a small army of pets and a pregnant wife you adore more than anything else on the planet. But do you want to know what surprised me the most?”

“What?”

“Now that it’s happened, it seems to suit you.” 

 

 

They were only a few minutes away from the car when Arslan refused to walk any further. Maybe he was aware, maybe he wasn't. Either way, Can ended up having to carry the dramatic nine-month-old puppy for the last leg of the treck. Arslan had no problem being in the back of the car this time, he fell asleep almost instantaneously. 

 

Can arrived back at the house, Arslan dragging his paws beside him. He rubbed the worst of the mess from Arslan's coat before letting him inside. The puppy was left downstairs with a replenished food bowl as Can made his way up to the bedroom where he found Sanem sitting cross-legged on the bed. She smiled at him in greeting as he stood by the doorway for a moment, watching her fondly.  _Okay, so maybe he was googly-eyed and lovesick, but what was wrong with that?_ He joined her on the bed after she reached out for him, snuggling up beside her. He told her about their day, how Metin and Akif were doing, how Arslan had been a nutcase. Sanem listened intently, feeling the baby quieten every time Can began to speak, then become restless when Can's voice went quiet again.

Can tapped a finger against her hip, noticing her attention had wavered. “Are you even listening to me?” He chuckled.

“Yes. And I’m not the only one.” She moved Can’s hand over her stomach as the baby kicked again. “He likes listening to you.”

It seemed strange to be the only one who had felt physical evidence of their son’s existence, but there was a certain intimacy to it that Sanem was savouring. At first, she had enjoyed the privacy of it, their own line of communication secluded from the rest of the world, but now she was becoming impatient to share it. She sighed, saddened that Can was completely unaware of the movement under his hand. Today was not the day. But perhaps… there was something else she could share with him now.

Her thoughts became distracted as Arslan wearily poked his nose through the gap in the bedroom door, pushing it open. His usual blonde coat was bedraggled with patches of dried mud. Luckily, he was too tired to jump onto the bed, instead, he collapsed next to it.

“What have you done to our dog?" Sanem raised an eyebrow. "He needs a bath. Immediately.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Can agreed, pulling himself away from her. He scooped Arslan easily into his arms and carried him into the bathroom. Arslan was too tired to protest and with Can leading by example, Arslan wasn’t going to let his human go through the ordeal of showering alone.

 

 

By the time they emerged Arslan was fresh and sparkling, the brown tints of his coat now returned to their usual gold, his fur fluffy from having been thoroughly blow dried. Sanem was sat back on the bed, having retrieved the heartbeat monitor from downstairs.

“What’s this?” Can asked, sitting next to her.

“It was a gift from Leyla.” Sanem explained, turning the device on and laying back against the bed. “Do you want to hear him?”

Can raised his eyebrows in confusion as Sanem began hunting for the sound of their baby’s heartbeat. This time, it didn’t take long. Perhaps he'd been shy earlier in front of so many strangers. Now, as if comforted by the presence of his parents, he didn’t hide. Can’s face lit up when he heard it, a beautiful, bright smile that reached all the way to his eyes. It was infectious, Sanem started smiling too. The gentle drumming was still just as entrancing as the first time they had heard it. Leyla probably didn’t fully appreciate how much of a blessing this was – to be able to hear him in real time, not just on a looped phone recording, to know he was healthy and happy and  _real_. 

Can crawled closer, his face inches away from her stomach as he stared, fixated on her belly. Sanem ran a hand absentmindedly through his hair, loose from his shower. She watched with adoration as Can pressed a slow kiss against her baby bump. It made Sanem’s heart flutter. It was strange how easily he been managing to do that since she'd become pregnant. What would it be like when she saw him holding their child for the first time, with that same bright, joyful smile and twinkling eyes? She wasn't sure her heart would handle it. 

She felt the mattress tilt suddenly as Arslan jumped onto the bed. Wondering what all the fuss was about, he settled down beside her. He sniffed her bare stomach, pressing his soft nose into her skin and gazing at her with warm, brown eyes. Then, with immeasurable gentleness, he stuck out his tongue and licked her belly. 

They stayed there for a few minutes, all three of them listening to the tiny heartbeat before the noise drifted away. 

It was only a day later that Can asked to hear it again. Then again the next day, then the next. And the next. Until it became a nightly ritual. They couldn't always find him, but on the nights they did, the sound provided a meditative reassurance that their little boy was doing okay. On more than one occasion they'd fallen asleep listening to him, wanting to keep their eyes open as long as possible before giving in to the weight of sleep. 


	29. Summer Dresses and Sunshine

_God damn it_ , Sanem thought as she tried and failed to fit into yet another of her favourite summer dresses. She was too big. Her bump kept getting in the way and the material didn't have enough give in it. She sighed in frustration.

The sky was bright and blue through the window, she’d wanted to enjoy it, to sit outside in a frilly dress. She’d wanted to feel pretty. A feeling that had been slipping through her fingers recently; her confidence dwindling as she grew bigger and bigger. When she had woken that morning the bright sunlight filtering through the windows had stirred a determination for a last-ditch attempt to rejuvenate her bodily confidence. Unfortunately, it wasn’t working. All her old dresses that used to so perfectly complement her body now hung too tightly. She became more and more frustrated as she pulled the last of the garments awkwardly over her head and threw it onto the growing pile in the bottom of the wardrobe. She could pick it up later. Or maybe she would get Can to do it, bending down wasn't exactly very easy at the moment.

She just wanted to wear a pretty dress. Was that too much to ask? None of them fit quite right, bunching up in all the wrong places, pulling tight around her middle, looking entirely unflattering. She gave up, retreating back into the comfort of her yoga pants and soft, cotton t-shirt before groaning and slumping onto the bed.

"I'm getting fat." She sighed dramatically, as Can stepped out of the bathroom.

"You're not fat Sanem. You're pregnant.” He chuckled at her. “But what does it matter anyway? You still look beautiful." Sanem glared at him. 

Can sighed, exasperated. Maybe she was slightly chubbier than she had been, more curvy and fleshy. But it just made her look more cuddly, it made him want to constantly wrap his arms around her and pull her close. She was adorable. 

He stepped towards the bed, taking her arm and attempting to tug her off the mattress, but it was useless. She’d turned herself into a limp sack of potatoes.

“Sanem!” Can chided softly, letting her go. She retreated further into the bed, pulling the covers over herself until she was completely buried by the duvet. Can sighed, sitting beside her. One foot was still pocking out from under the bedding, giving in to the temptation, he tickled it. “Sanemsie.”

She groaned, kicking him gently.

"You can't spend all day in bed. Come on, get up." She didn't budge.

"I have nothing to wear." She whined, her voice muffled from under the duvet. Can pursed his lips, she could be stubborn as a mule at times. Fortunately, by now he had learned how to deal with her when she was like this, and he had the perfect card up his sleeve for this exact occasion. He had been planning to wait, but it seemed his surprise would be needed now.

Sanem felt his weight lift off the mattress. She huffed.  _Was he giving up_? She poked one eye out from under the bedding to watch him as he walked towards the wardrobe and began rummaging around the top shelves - shelves Sanem was too small to reach. Can pulled out a large white box, accented with a soft pink ribbon tying the lid in place. He walked back towards her, then before she could do anything to stop it, he yanked the covers into the air, letting it fall to the floor in a heap. Then, refusing to back down from the fierce glare she was giving him, he placed the box down beside her.

"Here."

"What is it?" Her eyes squinted at him in suspicion.

"Something to wear," He smiled cryptically before heading downstairs. 

Sanem sat up, then with slight anticipation, she carefully untied the ribbon and slid the lid off the box. 

It was a dress. A beautiful, wavy, flowery summer dress, and when she held it up in front of her it was clear it was designed to accommodate a baby bump.

She tried it on immediately. Pulling the thin straps over her shoulders, and letting the material fall loose around her sides. The skirt fell down to just below her knees in soft waves, a patchwork of coloured flowers, dominated by lively purples, blues, and pinks. Whoever designed it was a genius; an extra layer had been added to the inside so that it was as if she were wearing shorts underneath. Being six months pregnant made sitting with her legs clamped together uncomfortable; an unfortunate necessity of most dresses. This one would allow her to sit with her legs slightly splayed without causing indecency. The bodice was spacious, but it did so with a grace that not only fit perfectly around her swollen stomach but did so in a way that was actually flattering. Sanem beamed, she felt beautiful.

 

"Where have you been hiding this?" She asked, storming down the stairs. Or at least she tried to storm down the stairs. Can would have described it as more of an irate waddle.

"I was saving it for the company barbeque next week." Can had originally been intending to give it to her on the morning of the event. He'd been conscious of her dress size for years but her growing belly had thrown doubt onto his confidence that it would fit properly. His worry had been unnecessary, his wife looked gorgeous in it, breath-taking. Even with her hair still ruffled and unkempt from how she had woken up that morning. Can smiled. She was the perfect mix of elegant and cute. His plans for the day were suddenly shoved out the window by an overwhelming burst of inspiration. "We need to do a photo shoot."

"What?" Sanem's forehead creased as shifted her hands onto her hips.

"A photo shoot… of you. We could do it right here, today, in the garden" Can babbled, becoming excited.

"Don't you already have enough photos of me?"

"Not nearly enough," He grinned, stepping towards her. He took her hands, holding them out to the sides so he could get a good look at her. "You look amazing. Will you please indulge me with this?"

"Fine." She let out a deep breath but couldn't help grinning at his compliments.

 

Spring had bought their new garden to life. Their attempts to tidy it up since they had moved in were finally bearing fruit. Over the last few months Can had devoted an increasing amount of time to make the garden as cozy as possible, his work accelerated by the news of the pregnancy. Sanem had been eager to help at the beginning, but it soon became clear to both of them as time progressed that strenuous gardening was not something she could keep up.

The flower beds and potted plants grew vibrantly healthy were once overgrown bushes had been. Patches of barren earth had given way to lush grass, looming shadows from too-tall trees had dissipated along with the trees themselves. Only a few remained standing nearer the back of the property - Apple trees - which were currently flaunting light-pink blossoms. Patches of violet lavender sprouted in the borders, daisies and dandelions dotted the lawn. The sea of green was interrupted by the slate grey of a stepping stone path that led to the back of the garden where a small, blue summer-house with large windows overlooked the garden.

Can stood, observing it all under the morning sun, his camera in hand, as he waited for Sanem to finish getting ready. Arslan lay by his feet, letting the pleasant warmth of the sun catch on his golden fur. The kittens had disappeared a while ago to venture into the depths of the shrubbery beyond the end of their fence line.

 

Sanem emerged from the house a few moments later, her hair now in a loose braid over her left shoulder. She twirled slightly as she walked towards him, playing with the skirt as the material whirled around her legs.

"So you like it then?" Can smiled at her.

"I love it.” She stood on her tiptoes, pressing a kiss against his lips. “Thank you."

 

Growing up, Sanem had never been particularly comfortable in front of a camera, she’d been too bashful to appreciate it. Being married to a photographer had soon fixed that. Can had learned very early on how to make her feel at peace with the attention of the lens - talking to her and making her laugh until she forgot the camera was even there, the bright fondness in his eyes helping to relax her further.

Can directed her poses, using the garden as a background, taking advantage of the sun for natural lighting. It was cheesy and silly, yet Sanem couldn’t help feeling that his insistence on doing this was endearing. After a while Can hitched the camera onto a tripod, setting up a timer so that he could join in with the pictures too. It took them a while to figure out how to get it to work, laughing every time they messed the timing up.

“How do you not know how to do this? You’re a photographer!”

“To be fair, I have always been on the other side of my camera before now.”

When Ihsan wondered back into the garden, Sanem scooped him up to be an unwitting prop. Not long after, Can managed to herd Ilkay and Arslan over to get a few photos of the five of them all together. Capturing a snapshot of their not-so-little growing family sat on the grass.

 

Sanem lounged against the trunk of an apple tree, one hand running over Arslan’s side as he was dozing beside her, the other rubbing absentminded circles against her stomach. Can sat on the porch, concentrating on his laptops as he tinkered with the photos. 

Sanem had been completely unaware of the length of time and effort that photographers invested in editing their work. It had given her a new sense of appreciation for the years Can had spent traveling around the world with his camera before they had met. 

She was watching a red ladybird flutter through the air when she felt it. The beetle had come to rest on a blade of glass when a second, stronger thump hit the inside wall of her uterus. _Oh_. That was stronger than normal. She waited, hoping the baby would repeat the motion. He did, only a few seconds later. 

Sanem gingerly pushed herself to her feet, startling Arslan as she rushed towards where Can was sitting. He glanced at her slightly worried but was soon calmed by the bright smile on her face. She sat beside him on the cushioned bench, stealing his hand and placing it over where their son had been kicking.  _Please, please, please, do it again. He has waited long enough for this._

It was immediately obvious that Can was aware of the next thump, quietened through the layers of her skin, but noticeable none the less. He gasped, placing a second hand gently over her stomach. His eyes gleaming as he stared, enthralled at her belly. 

“You can press down a bit harder you know. You’re not going to hurt me.” She promised, guiding Can's hand to press down a tad more firmly than he had been before. Their son kicked against Can's palm as if in reply. Then again, and again. And again. 

“Oh my god.” He breathed, laughing slightly in amazement. "You feel this all the time?" 

"Yeah. But this is definitely the strongest he's ever been." She smiled fondly at her husband. "I guess he decided it was time to introduce himself to you."  

 

A few hours later they moved back inside, the sky had turned grey and the air cold, yet Sanem still refused to change out of the dress. The kicking had gone quiet and Can had returned to his laptop as Sanem prepared a makeshift breakfast, fried eggs, toast, and a selection of fruit. She fought against the graving but eventually gave in and poured a bag of salted popcorn into a bowl as a side dish. It was only a second after she had placed the bowls down on the table when the doorbell rang unexpectedly.

"I'll get it." She waved for Can to sit back in his chair.  It was probably a postman or something; they hadn't been expecting anyone today. Sanem opened the door, goosebumps immediately forming on her arms from more than just the cold air that rushed inside. She stared in shock, her body rigid with both fury and fear. 

“What the hell are  _you_  doing here?” She hissed. 


	30. Olive Branches and White Flags

   “What the hell are you doing here?” Sanem hissed.

   Huma stood on the doorstep. A forced, polite smile on her face. “Well, don't you look pretty.” she said, ignoring the venom behind Sanem’s words.

   Sanem held her ground. Standing in the doorway, attempting to hide her stomach with folded arms. It failed, instead of hiding herself she only brought more attention to the unmistakable bump pushing out against the fabric of her dress. Huma’s eyes flickered down to Sanem's belly; the lack of surprise on her face made Sanem furious. _How had she found out? Who had told her?_

_What was she doing here?_

   She felt Can approach from behind her, he placed a hand on her back. Noticing who their unwanted guest was, he immediately tensed up. He pushed himself in front of Sanem, reaching out an arm out to nudge her behind him slightly, instinctively shielding her from his mother's gaze. Not that he needed to, Sanem’s fierce side, which so often lay dormant, was beginning to rise to the surface. Like a koala turning into a momma bear - fuelled by the determination to protect the little boy growing in her womb. A voice whispered in her head, words she’d buried in the back of her mind, the echo of the promise Huma had left the last time they'd seen her.

_You’ll never be good enough for him._

   Sanem blinked, forcing the words from her mind. She placed a hand on her stomach, trying to calm the baby’s kicking, no doubt set off by her spiked emotions. _I’m sorry. I’ll get us away from her in a minute._  

   “What do you want?” Can asked gruffly. 

   “I heard I was having a grandchild. I wanted to see if it was true.”

   Sanem swallowed thickly, feeling Can’s rage building beside her. “Then I guess you wasted a trip. You’re not having a grandchild; we don’t want you anywhere near our family.” Can said, attempting to control his voice.

   Sanem filched when she felt something touch the back of her hand. It was Arslan, pushing his nose into her palm. She put her fingers through the rough of his neck, holding onto him like an anchor. 

   Can didn’t budge from the doorway, Huma gaped in mild shock at her son’s cold welcome, taking a step back in surprise when Arslan reached forward in an attempt to greet her.

   “I think it might be better if you’d leave,” Sanem spoke slowly. Huma glanced at her before nodding. It was only a second after Huma had turned around that Can slammed the door shut behind her. The baby gave out a startled thump, Sanem rubbed a hand over where he’d kicked. _Shhh, it’s alright._

   “Can.” She warned.

   “What does she think she’s doing? Showing up here like that.” He stormed into the kitchen.

   “Can!” She followed.

   “What right does she think she has? After what she did?” He fumed.

   Sanem wasn’t fond of the memory. Despite all Huma’s meddling, Sanem had tried so hard to be civil at first; no matter how overbearing and painful it all became she pushed through it with a determined smile. But Huma had an ability to hurt those around her that seemed to come as naturally as breathing. The morning of their wedding they were unsure whether to be happy or not at Huma’s absence. Later, when Huma had torn through the reception crowd, leaving a wake of hushed confusion, she’d spat the words loud enough for the whole room to hear.

_You’ll never be good enough for him._

   Sanem sighed, letting Can vent, but paying more attention to the anxious movement in her belly. Eventually, she walked over to her ranting husband, taking his hand and placing it over her stomach. The tension seeped out of him in an instant.

   “Sorry.” He whispered, feeling guilty for his outburst. She leaned her forehead against his, breathing with him until they both calmed down.

 

 

   The tentative peace only lasted a few days. On Tuesday, Can was summoned to a meeting in Bursa, leaving Sanem alone at lunchtime to take Arslan out. She led him to the park, hoping for a moment of quiet but instead she bumped into her again.

   “Sanem,” Huma stood from the bench she had been sitting on, causing Sanem to immediately tense up.  _What was she doing here?_

   “Can we talk? Please?”

   Sanem suddenly wanted to be anywhere else but here, she wanted to run back to the office, but she also didn’t want to be rude. The confidence Huma had worn when she appeared at their doorstep a few days ago seemed to have vanished, perhaps she had not expected such a hostile welcome. Sanem nodded slowly.

   They found an outdoor café, sitting at a small table as Huma ordered them both tea. The silence was cold and awkward. In an attempt to ease the atmosphere, Arslan shuffled towards Huma who immediately moved to the edge of her seat away from him. Sanem tugged on his lead, nudging him back to her feet. His weight leaned against her leg, the reassurance giving her courage.

   “Why are you here?” Sanem asked. 

   “I… I wanted to see you.” Huma’s eyes flickered down to Sanem’s stomach, making her nervously pull her coat tighter around her. “But unfortunately that’s not the only reason I came. I have been talking with Aziz. He is unwell Sanem, he’s gotten worse, he’s worried he won’t be around for much longer.” Sanem frowned, since when had Huma been on speaking terms with Can’s dad? “He didn’t want to worry the boys. But I thought they deserved to know.”

   Sanem wasn’t sure how to respond. Her heart ached, she hadn’t spent much time with Can’s father but he had been so warm to her, so welcoming. Unlike Huma. “So it was Aziz who told you our address?”

   “Yes, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have turned up uninvited but you wouldn’t answer your phone and I’m pretty sure Can blocked me - ”

_Oh, the phone calls. They had been her?_

   “- and I thought, after what happened on the weekend, that I would have better luck getting through to you than to Can. Mother to mother.”

   Hot, anger rose in Sanem’s chest. If Huma thought she could play the ‘mother’ card and expect some sort of sympathy she was bitterly mistaken. Mothers were supposed to be warm, kind and gentle. They were supposed to wrap band-aids over broken skin, chase away monsters lurking in the dark, go to school plays and mortify their children by applauding too loud when they walked on stage. They were not meant to heartlessly abandon their kid when they were only twelve years old and disappear off to another country for years on end. Sanem’s son hadn’t even been born yet and she already knew there wasn’t a force on earth that would ever make her leave him. How dare Huma call herself that. She may have given birth to them but she was no mother. She was just a sociopathic bitch.

   “Is that all you wanted then? Are we done?” Sanem asked bitterly. Huma turned white, sensing the shift in Sanem’s mood.

   “Sanem, I…” Huma took a breath.

   “What?”

   “I understand why you and Can didn’t tell me about…” Huma faltered. “But I was hoping you might give me a second chance. The last year has given me a lot of time to think. I love my sons, I miss them. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life missing my grandchild too.”

   Sanem clenched her jaw. “How can you say that, how can you say you love them after everything you put them through? Do you not even realise the damage you did? Dragging them miles away from each other for years until they forgot how to be brothers. Leaving Can on his own in that giant, lonely house. Do you not even realise how much you broke him?” Sanem couldn’t stop the words tumbling from her mouth. They fell out with a harshness she didn’t even know she possessed.   

   Huma gaped at her, dumbstruck. “I never wanted to split them apart, Sanem. After Aziz filed for divorce I was humiliated and alone. I had no job, no family in Istanbul. I had to leave or I would have ended up on the street. Aziz refused to let me take both of the boys, so I took Emre. He was the youngest, he needed me more. It broke my heart but it was the only option I had.”

   “You could have left them both with their father.”

   “I could have… But leaving just one was painful enough, I couldn’t leave them both behind, and Aziz wasn’t exactly the most doting father in the world.”

   Sanem could recall Can telling her about how he voluntarily attended boarding school as a child to escape from the loneliness he’d felt at home, his father preferring to spend long nights in the office instead of with his son. “Why didn’t you try to keep in touch with him?”

   “Aziz wouldn’t let me. He blocked all my attempts, every letter, every phone call. There was nothing I could do.” Sanem wasn’t sure if she believed her. “I need you to understand Sanem, our divorce was very messy. After I went through it, it made me very cynical about love. That’s why I pushed you away from Can. Why I… You were from such different worlds I didn’t think it would work, that your love would fade away and leave you unhappy and unsatisfied with each other. I didn’t want my son’s to experience what I went through.”

   “And yet you pushed Can towards Ceyda, and Polen. You thought he could be happy with them?”

   “I’ll admit, I believed they’d be more suitable matches in the long term.” Huma grimaced. “I am sorry Sanem, truly. I shouldn’t have done what I did. I should have realised how happy you made him. That should have been my priority.”

   Sanem was taken back by the sincerity in her words. She wasn’t sure what to think, was it true? Was she lying? Was this some sort of elaborate manipulation? Sanem didn’t put it past her. And yet, there was a slight fear in Huma’s eyes, she was at Sanem’s mercy and she knew it. Terrified that she might be permanently ripped out of her son’s life and excluded from the joy of watching her first grandchild grow up. Sanem wavered.

   Arslan shifted to lay down, catching Huma’s attention as she stared at him with distrust.

   “Why do you hate him so much?” Sanem asked, some of the bitterness waning from her voice.

   Huma took a deep breath. “I… Emre was bitten as a child. Some mangy stray managed to sneak into our garden while he was playing. It was horrific to watch - he wasn’t badly injured but I’ve never… I’ve never been able to trust them since.”

   Sanem expected her to continue, to lead onto a rant about how they shouldn’t have a dog around a newborn, how Arslan would have to leave before the baby arrived. But it never came. “I didn’t know that. Emre never told me.”

   “He probably doesn’t remember. He was only two at the time.” The table went quiet again as they both stared at their tea.

   “I need to get back to work,” Sanem said finally, standing up, Arslan rising at her heels. She needed time to think, time to process everything she’d just heard and untangle the truths from the lies – if there were any. “It’s a boy by the way. You’re having a grandson.” Huma gave her a thankful smile, then Sanem walked away.

 

 

   That evening, Sanem let warm water and lavender bubbles seep away the tension that had been building in her shoulders. The whole situation with Huma was messy, unease was beginning to creep into their cozy little bubble and she didn’t like it. She didn’t like that Huma had approached her in Can’s absence, didn’t like the fact she was now burdened with revealing the news about Aziz to his sons, didn’t like the way the baby had been particularly agitated all day and she knew it was her fault. Maybe she should have walked away, gone to some quiet corner of the park to enjoy the fresh air. Instead, she found herself apologising to her belly again for the unease that had been buzzing through her veins. Sanem chewed her lip, she wasn’t sure what to do. Could Huma be trusted? Did she even deserve to be?

   Could she bear it, if her own son grew up to cut her out of his life for whatever reason? A lump formed in Sanem's throat. No, she couldn’t; it would be agony, even the mere concept was causing her chest to ache, yet she doubted Huma ever felt this strongly about her own sons.

    Maybe they should give Huma a chance - just one – they could move forward carefully from there. But it should be Can’s decision anyway, Huma was his mother after all, and Sanem didn’t want to deal with the stress while carrying a delicate little person inside her, it wasn’t fair on the baby. Sanem sighed, climbing out of the bath.

   She soon retreated into the comfort of her favourite, old hoodie, pulling it over her shoulders, the material roomy enough to fit snuggly around her growing stomach. The sleeves were long, allowing her to pull the cuffs over her hands, burying her fingers in the soft fabric as she crawled into bed. Feeling cozy and warm and only slightly achy. 

   Laying on her side had become the only amenable option now, stuffing a pillow – or alternatively, one of Can’s legs – between her knees helped to relieve some of the pressure on her hips. But he wasn’t here, so a pillow would have to do.

 

 

   By the time Can returned the sky was already black outside. Downstairs was quiet and dark, so he headed to their bedroom in search of his wife. Sanem gave him a nervous smile when he found her, letting the phone fall out of her hands onto the bedding as he kissed her forehead in greeting.

   "How are you feeling?" 

   "I’m okay, my back hurts a bit. I thought I might have a few more weeks before that became a problem but I guess not." 

   “Whereabouts?” He asked, settling down behind her.

   “Kind of everywhere.”

   Can lifted up the back of her shirt then pressed his wrists into the dip of her spine and pushing out with both hands. Repeating the motion again and again as he moved down her back. By paying attention to the subtle changes in her breathing, he worked out which spots were causing the most aggravation, pressing more gently where needed and taking his time to move down to the base of her spine. Sanem went limp. She began humming and Can was sure it almost sounded like purring.

   "I saw your mum today," Sanem spoke softly. She swallowed, closing her eyes as Can's hands stilled. "She found me in the park, she wanted to talk. She's scared Can. Scared we'll freeze her out. I don’t know how sincere she was being, but I think... I think you need to talk to her. I think - I _hope_ \- she might have changed."

   Sanem rolled over to face him. "Please don’t be mad."

   "I’m not mad." He said slowly.

   “You sure? That didn’t sound very convincing.”

   “I’m not. I’m just… surprised.” His forehead creased “Is this really what you want, after everything she’s done?”

   “I don’t know. But I think it’s unfair to our son if we don’t at least give him the chance to know his grandmother.”

   “I’m pretty sure _your_ mom has enough love to give to cover both of them.” He said, making Sanem smile gently. “But if you’re sure…”   

   Sanem nodded. “She’s extended the olive branch, we just need to take it and see what happens. We can always get a restraining order if things don’t go well. Or send Arslan off to guard dog school, is Yayha available?”

   Can chuckled, pressing a kiss against her temple. “Okay, I’ll talk to her.” He didn’t sound very enthusiastic, but it was a start.

   "There's something else too," Sanem said, her chest aching. "She told me your dad isn't doing well. I think it's time we paid him a visit." 

   "Oh," Can's expression fell. It wasn't completely unexpected news, Aziz had been having treatment on an off for years but nothing seemed to have had much success. "I'll call him. In the morning." Can promised, snuggling up beside her. 

 

 


	31. Cicada's Song

 

   July arrived with a heat that had everyone melting at their desks. It was hot. Too hot. They must have bought out the entire local stock of fans as the whole office was full of them; a secondary battalion against the rising temperature. Most of the workers put up with the annoying buzzing in return for being able to stick their heads in front of the breeze, which they spent more time doing than actually working. Productivity went down the drain. The mournful death of the air conditioning a week into the heatwave sparked a riot led by Can himself. The fans alone were not enough; it was sweltering and Sanem was struggling.

   The office closed for a few days while the repairs took place, providing Can and Sanem with the chance to lounge around the mountain hut, climbing in and out of the swimming pool when the sun became too unbearable. Arslan joined them at the hut and eventually joined them in the pool after Sanem’s encouragement. It occurred to Can that it was lucky they had decided against building another pool at the house. The hut provided the convenience of a private place to swim without the dangers of a crawling baby wandering astray and stumbling into the water unexpectedly. It wasn't unheard of. But at least it wasn't something they would have to fret about while relaxing in the garden at home.

   A few days later, he received the call that the air con was up and running again. He let everyone know they would be expected back at the office the following morning, but a part of him wanted to leave Sanem unaware so she could have a few more days off. His plan was thwarted when a message from Leila arrived on Sanem's phone, asking if she wanted to spend tomorrow's lunch break together.

   "The office is open again?" Sanem puzzled, glancing at Can.

   "Uhh, no..." But he had never been very good at lying.

   "Leyla seems to think it is." She said, pursing her lips.

   "I mean, yes. It is," He paused. "I just thought..."

   "What?"

   "I just thought maybe you could have a bit more time off."

   Sanem rolled her eyes. "Can, we are not having this conversation again. The baby is two whole months away, I am fine, I want to be working and if you insist I stay at home all day and rest I'm going to claw my eyes out with boredom. I love you. But it's not happening."

   It didn't stop his attempts to collude with Deren to reduce Sanem's workload, which only lasted a week before Sanem caught on and, in retaliation, hit him in the head with a paper plane that had the words 'Stop it' written in red letters. She was too stubborn. But if she wasn't going to take it easy at work then maybe he could at least make things easier at home. 

   So far, they'd been balancing the household chores evenly but it was immediately obvious to Sanem when Can began to not-so-slyly take on more and more of the jobs on her half of the list. It was a bit annoying. She was pregnant, not an invalid. But mostly she found it endearing. And if she was honest, there were certain things she was beginning to need help with. She’d been slightly mortified when she’d gotten stuck on the floor in the utility room one afternoon while trying to do laundry. Can had been in the kitchen when he heard her helpless cry of 'Caaaan'. He’d rushed in with a worried look on his face that nearly made her giggle. He blinked at her as she sat on the ground in front of the washing machine, a basket of damp clothes next to her.

   "Why are you sat on the floor?" He asked, worried.

   "It was easier."

   "Easier than what?"

   "Than bending down to reach it." She huffed, gesturing towards the washing machine. But now she was down she couldn’t get back up again. "If you don't stop laughing I'm going to kick you! Now help me up." He did. Then proceeded to take the liberty of adding laundry to  _his_ list.

   It seemed that cooking had become the only thing he was happy for her to do, it wasn't straining or overly exerting, and now that she had gotten over the ‘accidentally chopping off pieces of skin every time I pick up a knife’ phase it was relatively safe. It suited Sanem fine. At least it would give her the opportunity to refine her skills; if she was going to do nothing other than cook then she was going to do a damn good job of it. Given time and a chance to practice, her cooking rapidly improved. Can was slightly startled and only mildly concerned when she began preparing meals entirely unsupervised. He had come back from the gym one evening to find her standing in the kitchen with Ilkay perched comfortably on her shoulders and a selection of vegetables stewing in a pan.

   'What?' Sanem asked the cat, who was curiously poking her nose towards the content of the wooden chopping board. 'It's onion. You don't like onions.' Sanem offered Ilkay a piece to sniff and the cat immediately sneezed, making Sanem grin.

   The kittens were getting bigger. Sanem was sure they must have had some Angora in them as they still hadn't grown into their big ears or gangly legs, and their long fur was getting even longer, forming mini manes and thick bushy tails. The regal-looking cats were a far cry from the scraggly kittens Sanem had rescued all those months ago.

   Sanem looked up, noticing Can enter. She smiled. Despite the disturbance, their little bubble of domestic bliss had returned to its initial calm. Upon request, Huma had so far kept her distance, allowing them time to decide what their next move would be. Giving them time to think. Can's call to his father had been painful but had revealed an uncomfortable truth behind some of what Huma had said.

   He'd always believed his mother hadn't loved him. That she'd disappeared with Emre and mercilessly left Can behind, abandoned and forgotten - but that wasn't the whole story. She did love him. In her own slightly warped and cold way, she did love him. Maybe he could be willing to forgive her for the incident at the wedding, it seemed Sanem already had, thought the decision hadn’t been easy for her. It left a bitterness in his mouth that he now had to learn to forgive his father too. Which was only worsened by knowing he might not have long left to do it. Aziz had insisted he was fine but the weakness in his voice told otherwise. It was unfair. Why did his family have to be growing while also on the precipice of shrinking at the same time? He was scared to let time pass, hoping to live in a world where his father still existed a while longer, yet at the same time wishing he could skip forward, desperate to know what it felt like to hold their baby in his arms for the first time.

   He pushed the thoughts away. If he thought about it for too long it would make his heartache. Instead, he chose to focus on Sanem as she continued cooking, humming as she did so and occasionally running a hand absentmindedly over her belly. God, he hoped their family didn't end up a mess like his parents' had. He made a silent promise. That he would spend every moment until his last, making sure Sanem always felt loved, appreciated and cared for. That he would keep their little family safe.

   Ilkay slid of Sanem’s shoulder’s and Can took the opportunity to replace her. Stepping up behind his wife, he slid his arms around his waist and held her close against him. Sanem sighed, sinking back into his embrace.

   “Have I told you I love you today?” He asked.

   “I don’t recall. Not that I ever mind hearing it again and again.” She smiled, her brow knitting slightly in surprise at his unexpected display of affection. “What’s brought this on?”

   “Nothing.” He replied as Sanem turned to face him. She squinted slightly at him, waiting for a proper answer. “I was just thinking about my parents…”

   Sanem gave him a sympathetic smile, he didn’t need to explain. “It will be alright.” She let him tuck her under his neck, resting her head against his chest she let out a deep breath.

   “Have you thought about what you want to do once the baby comes?” Can prompted later while they were eating dinner outside on the decking. It was a beautiful evening. The sky was sunny, but rain early that day had left the air feeling fresh and pleasantly cool. Cicadas had begun to sing from the trees. The song was still quiet, creating a meditative, mellow hum in the evening air.

  “Hmm?” Sanem replied over a mouthful of food.

   “You know, in terms of working.” He knew how much she loved her job but he was hoping she would allow herself the chance to take time off - as long as she wanted - to just enjoy being a new mom. He was already putting foundations in place to have Emre take over the company for a few months so he could be at home with her for as long as he could get away with.

   Sanem paused in thought. “I don’t know. I think it’s hard to tell right now how I’m going to feel once he’s here.” Can nodded, encouraging her to continue. “I still like the idea of setting up a nursery at work. Maybe we could talk with some of the other businesses in the building and arrange a joint system? Something we could all share to make it worthwhile. But I think the need will be a while away yet, we have a bit of time. I’m not going to want to jump back into work anytime soon after he’s born.”

 

   Sanem was going through a cuddly phase, which Can did not mind at all. It became a routine for her to climb into his open lap in the evenings, sitting with her head against his chest and his arms wrapped around her as they just enjoyed the simplicity of each other’s presence. He loved how small she was. How she seemed to fit in his arms so perfectly. How he could completely surround her with his body and keep her feeling warm and protected. She was so radiant at the moment, she seemed to be carrying with such natural ease that he was immensely grateful for. Pregnancy suited her. An excited part of him wondered when they would get to do this all again, he had to scold himself to prevent his heart from rushing ahead; they had to survive the first baby before they could start thinking about having more.

   If he was honest, Can was happy that this whole situation had fallen into their laps earlier than planned. He hadn’t wanted to wait. And after their careless behaviour on their honeymoon he had hoped she’d felt the same. His heart had been slightly crushed when they returned home and she told him she wanted to delay starting a family. He had agreed. No matter how much he wanted it there was no way he would ever push her into something like that, she was younger than he was. She needed more time. Evidently, a few months was all the universe was willing to give her, and he was secretly glad. But it didn’t take a genius to work out that now it had happened she was happy too, beyond happy. She couldn’t stop smiling. Watching her sat in the gap between his crossed legs, her's casually sprawled over one of his as she hummed a quiet lullaby, listening out for the babies movements she could share with the palm of Can’s hand, he realised how inordinately lucky he was. It almost seemed unfair. How had he managed to win over that sparky, little brunette that had appeared out of nowhere, who had been so unafraid to throw insults at him the first time they’d met? She’d been so sweet and naive and feisty all at the same time. Of course, he would fall in love with her.

   Sanem shifted in his lap, trying to discreetly re-adjust her bra, it wasn’t quite fitting right anymore, she would have to buy a new one. Yet again. It was bizarre how she had spent her whole life becoming accustomed to her body only for it to go through such a rapid change in such a short amount of time. There were mornings when she would catch herself in the mirror and be startled by her reflection. It wasn’t that she didn’t like it, Can had made sure of that. But it was so different. It was like she had been a girl before but now she was feeling more and more like a woman in all the right ways. Sanem took full advantage of Can’s infatuation with her growing breasts, which were noticeably more round and soft than they had been. He’d described them as ‘squishy’. Sanem wasn’t entirely sure if that was a good thing or not be he seemed to love them so she supposed it didn’t matter. What did matter was that he’d become frustratingly possessive over her after witnessing a few men at the grocery store ogling her with stunned expressions. She started being more selective with her wardrobe in public after that, but it was becoming difficult to wear  _anything_  without feeling like she was showing them off.

 

   When the 7-month check-up with Dr. Naysul arrived and Sanem entered the hospital unburdened by any of the nerves that had accompanied her on their first few visits. But they spiked again midway through the conversation.

   "Have you had any thoughts about birth plans?" Naysul asked. Oh. Birth. She was going to have to do that. Can squeezed her hand, noticing her apprehension. On recommendation from Naysul they attended a few birthing classes run by the hospital, which Sanem struggled to take seriously, bursting into giggles every few minutes and earning glares from the coach. She tried to behave, soldiering on through the five-session programme which left her feeling no more prepared than she had been already. But really, women had been giving birth since the beginning of time. It couldn't be that complicated. Could it? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧


	32. Home

   It was evening when the call arrived.

   They’d been at the mountain house eating dinner and watching the sky turn a rosy-orange as the sun dipped below the horizon when Can’s phone began buzzing unexpectedly. He picked it up, his face soon turning somber.

   His father had suddenly deteriorated.

   It was the hospital, not Aziz himself, that made the phone call - the first indication that something was wrong.

   Can had been tearing himself in two with worry over the last few weeks. Not wanting to abandon his expecting wife and relocate himself all the way to Mexico where Aziz was currently having treatment, yet desperate to reach out to his father. Hours of phone calls had bridged the miles between them, and after Aziz convinced his sons that he was stable for now, Can had been optimistic that his father would be alright until after the baby was born. The three of them could make the trip together. After a few weeks of good news, Can’s worry had dwindled.  

   It was back now.

   He needed to go, but there was no way he was going to put Sanem through the ordeal of the sixteen-hour journey. She insisted he was being melodramatic, but Can was relieved when the travel agency refused to let her fly.

   The nurse informed Can that Aziz wished to return to Turkey, to return _home_ , to spend his remaining time with his family. But he needed someone to escort him on the flight over.   

   “Tamam,” Can nodded, trying to stop his hand from shaking as he held the phone to his ear. Emre could have made the trip on his own, but Sanem argued that Can should be there too in case Aziz’s condition rapidly declined from the stress of the journey. He was reluctant, but he eventually agreed; it was only three days. What was the harm?

 

* * *

 

   

   At eight months along, Sanem had officially begun describing herself as heavily pregnant. Emphasis on the ‘heavy’. Sneakers were her friend; all thought of fashion had given way to comfort and sensibility. It turned out, that scooting herself around the office on a wheelie chair was far preferable to walking. She was getting uncomfortable. But wanting to keep her mind occupied, and in an attempt stop Can fretting about her being home alone, she continued going to the office. Whether she actually aided with anything productive was questionable, however.

   Aside from Leyla and Emre (who didn’t really count because they were family), Deren was the first of their colleagues to feel the baby kick. As Deren described it, she’d been in the wrong place at the wrong time and Sanem had excitedly grabbed onto her hand and placed it over her belly, ignoring Deren’s squeak of protest.

   He’d suddenly started kicking, which he seemed reluctant to do while Sanem was in the office. It had taken Sanem a second to realise that Deren might not appreciate the contact; Sanem dropped her friend’s hand.

   “Sorry.”

   But Deren let it linger for a moment longer before she pulled it away.

 

* * *

 

 

   “You’re spending a few nights at your parents,” Can insisted a few days later, after booking the flights to Mexico. Arranging for Mevkibe to watch over Sanem while he was away had been his next priority.

   “I am?” Sanem raised an eyebrow, amused at his overprotectiveness.

   “Yes. Please. I don’t want to have to be worrying about you too.”

   Sanem didn’t fight him, even in the company of the pets, the house would seem too empty with him gone.

 

* * *

 

   “I’ll bring him back to you in one piece,” Emre promised, giving Sanem a hug outside the bustling airport as Can unloaded the bags from the car. Then he turned to say goodbye to Leyla, who had come too to keep Sanem company on the drive home.

  Can left the bags on the side of the road then pulled his wife into his arms, pressing a tender kiss against her forehead. “Are you sure you’re going to be alright?”

   “I’ll be fine. It’s just a few days.” 

   Can smiled. “And you,” he said, tapping a thumb against her belly. “Please no surprises until I get back, okay?”

   He kissed her again, she had to push him away before the plane left without them. “Go.”

   She watched them both disappear through the departure gate before Leyla tugged on her arm, pulling her back towards the car which was beginning to cause traffic.

 

* * *

 

   Sanem drove them back to their parent’s house, Arslan in the back of the car. The cats had been left with an overflowing bowl of food and a promise that she would return to check on them in the morning.

   Mevkibe was quick to greet them at the front door and even quicker to begin parading her around the village. It had only been two weeks since her last visit - but the mahalla demanded updates on its current favourite topic of conversation. Sanem was not particularly thrilled that her pregnancy was the center gossip, but she had grown up here, she was used to it. Somewhat.

   Mevkibe was beaming with pride. Sanem just felt ogled at, like some sort of prize cow. Her parents were just as doting as Can was, and as sweet as their intentions were, it was starting to feel a bit suffocating. It would be nice after the baby was born and all the fawning could be concentrated on _him_ instead.

 

* * *

 

 

   Sanem tried to help with dinner preparations but she was shushed from the kitchen.

   “Sit. Rest your feet, Sanem. You have been at work all day.” Mevkibe demanded as she began chopping up vegetables. Sanem huffed, she’d been sat down all day at work too, but her feet _were_ hurting so she didn’t argue. She slumped into one of the kitchen chairs, Arslan moved to sit by her feet and let her play with his ears.

   “How have things been with Huma?” Her mother asked.

   “Fine. We are taking things slow. I haven’t seen much of her but she’s been spending time with Can, trying to make him come around.”

   “It was very big of you to forgive her, Sanem. Though I must admit, I’m not happy that I have to share being a grandmother now. I was hoping to have my grandson all to myself.” Sanem knew her mother meant it but there was no real heat behind her words.

   “Don’t worry. You’re still going to be his favourite.” Sanem was sure of that. Huma may have been allowed to step into their lives again, but she had miles to go before they could ever fully trust her with their son. They would allow her a role in his life, but whether they would let him call her 'grandma' was yet to be determined. “I have been meaning to ask - I was wondering, after the baby is born, if you would be willing to stay with us for a while? We can set up one of the spare rooms for you, I think I will feel better knowing you’re there to beging with.”  

   “Of course,” Mevkibe smiled softly. “I’ll stay as long as you need me. A few days – a few weeks. Make sure to kick me out when I’ve outstayed my welcome.” She winked. “How are you feeling about it all, about bringing him home?”

   “I’m excited.” She chewed her lip. “But I start to get worried when I realise that I'm not just bringing a baby home. I'll be bringing a baby home that's going to turn into a _kid_. A kid that were actually going to have to raise. Can has bought so many of these parenting books and I don’t understand, they all have so many different ideas - half of which contradict each other. It's so daunting. How are we actually supposed to know what to do, to know what’s right? How did you do it?”

   Mevkibe left the pan simmering. “Well, it was slightly easier when I did it because there weren’t a million conflicting instruction manuals.” She laughed, sitting down next to Sanem. “If there is one thing I learned about raising you girls, it’s that you’re never going to feel like you’re doing anything perfectly. Parenting is hard. Kids are hard. You will have moments where you feel like you’re not good enough, that you are failing, that they hate you. And unfortunately, these moments aren’t going to be rare. This is going to be the most challenging thing you’ve ever done. You’ll have everyone throwing their opinions at you. Some may be helpful, most will not. All you can do is what feels right for _you_. Don’t become too hung up on following word-for-word the instructions in those silly parenting books. Most of them were written by phycologists who have only ever interacted with kids behind glass walls. Recognise when you need to ask for help and don’t be afraid to do so. But trust yourself. You are unjustly kind, amazingly patient and one of the most caring people I know, and I am so incredibly proud of you. So stop worrying. You’re going to be great at this.”

 

* * *

 

 

   Sanem shuffled in the bed. The mattress and blankets were the same she’d slept on for years but they didn’t feel as comfortable as they once had. It was strange how quickly her bedroom in the mahalla had stopped feeling like home. She sighed, pressing her nose into Can’s pillow, one she had bought from home because it smelled like him. The baby wouldn’t stop shifting around, as if he was just as unsettled in this bed as she was. As if he could tell she was lonely.

   “I love you, but if you wouldn’t mind settling down now that would be great. If we don’t get to sleep neither of us are going to be particularly happy tomorrow.”

   He must have been in a mischievous mood as he still refused to sleep. Sanem stood up, wrapping the blanket around her like a fluffy cloak and holding Can’s pillow in one hand, she ventured into the hallway, leaving Arslan passed out on her bedroom floor.

  “Leyla?” She spoke softly, creaking her sister’s bedroom door open. “Are you awake?”

   “Mhm,” Leyla yawned drowsily, blinking at the light that filtered in from the hall. Noticing Sanem’s silhouette in the doorway, she lifted up her duvet in invitation. Sanem soon snuggled under it. Despite the near darkness, Sanem still noticed the amused smile on her sister’s face.

   “What?” She asked.

   “You are very cute like this,” Leyla replied softly.

   “Like what?” Sanem squinted her eyes slightly, waiting for her sister to elaborate.

   “You’ve turned into a little cuddle-bunny. It’s adorable. It’s a good thing you’re going to have someone to cuddle soon.” The thought made Sanem’s heart feel warm. “How is the little lamb?”

   “He doesn’t feel like a lamb at the moment. I think he’s turned into a hippo.”

   “I can see that.” Leyla laughed gently. “Your tummy is taking up the whole bed.”

   “Sorry,” Sanem giggled quietly. “Do you want to feel? He’s very restless at the moment.”

   Leyla nodded. Sanem took her sister’s hand and placed it under her pajama top, against her skin. Leyla could feel the gentle drumming of her nephew’s feet under her palm, it was almost as if he were skipping. It wasn’t the first time she’d felt him, but it never stopped feeling magical.

   “What does it feel like? Not just the kicking, but the whole… the whole pregnancy thing...” Leyla asked. Sanem was mildly taken back at the wistful look on her sister’s face. Leyla had always been so career driven, so ambitious. She’d never shown much of an interest in kids before.

   “It’s...” Sanem thought for a moment. “It’s wonderful. And terrifying. I love him more than anything, more than I thought was even possible. And he’s not even here yet – I think my heart might explode.”

   They talked for a while. Arslan eventually joined them, jumping on the bed and nuzzling against Sanem’s hand, wondering where she had disappeared to.

   “Offff, Arlsan. I don’t think you realise how big you have gotten.” Leyla whined when he stepped on her lap.

   With three of them - plus Sanem’s growing belly - the bed was getting crowded. Yet Sanem managed to sleep peacefully in her sister’s company.

 

 


	33. Turbulance

* * *

 

 

Airports had always held a special place in Can's heart. They were somewhere that reminded him of years of uninhibited adventures and foreign places he had left immortalized in photos and snapshots. The energetic chaos of the airport normally left him with a sense of calm anticipation, the hurtling of a plane down a runway synonymous with the beginning of a new chapter of his life - leaving him feeling elated and free.

That was all achingly absent now. As they made their way through security and finally settled into their seats on the crowded plane, all Can felt was an empty hollowness. What waited for them on arrival was not a chapter he was keen to open.

The journey was eerily quiet. The brothers sat in troubled silence, only broken when the plane began faltering in the air - they were passing through a patch of rocky turbulence, something Can had plentiful experience with but, unfortunately, Emre did not. His brother squeaked slightly, his eyes going wide as the plane dropped for a few seconds. Can chuckled as he promised his younger brother that everything was alright.

They arrived under darkness. It was suffocating hot, even for late evening. Emre hailed a cab and directed the driver to the hospital, they'd see Aziz first then settle down in the hotel for the night. 

The sight that waited for them at the hospital made Can's heart break. Aziz looked cold and tired. His energy, - that had once been so charming and bright - was now little more than a dim light that seemed as if it would flicker out with the slightest breeze. Guilt punched him in the stomach. They should have come sooner, they should have visited months ago, but he hadn't considered they would run out of time so soon. Now, it seemed to be slipping through his fingers like fruitlessly grasping onto a fist full of sand on a windy day. Aziz smiled when they entered the room. Despite his best attempts, it was weak and feeble, it made Can's heart shatter even further.

"I'm sorry." Can whispered, collapsing in the chair behind the bed.  _He should have been here._

"There's nothing to apologise for my son," Aziz said, patting the back of Can's hand. His voice seemed strong but it was clear the effort was painful. "And anyway, let's not talk about dreary matters. How have you been? How is Sanem?"

His father was almost as in love with Sanem as Can was. At their wedding, Aziz's kindness to her following the wake of Huma's malicious behaviour, had been one of the few things that had helped to lessen the sting. Can smiled at the genuine spark in his father's eyes as he began talking about his little family. Hearing about Sanem and his future grandson seemed to bring Aziz to life for a moment. His eyes gleamed as Can showed him photos saved on his phone, images of the sonograms and stills from the maternity shoot.

"You both look so happy." Aziz noted fondly. "How far along is she?"

The question was a simple one, but Can was aware of its double meaning. Aziz was working out his chances of ever being able to meet his grandson.

"A little over eight months." Can replied, trying not to let his voice shake.

Aziz nodded, smiling slightly as if content with that answer. "And how are you, Emre? How are things with Leyla?"

Emre's cheeks turned rosy as he looked away slightly. "Leyla is well."

They continued to tease the younger Divit over his crush until it became obvious that Aziz was struggling to keep his eyes open. It was Can that decided to cut their meeting short. His father's energy ran out long before his desire to catch up with his sons did.

"We'll be back tomorrow morning." He promised.

 

* * *

 

Leyla woke to the unfamiliar weight of Arslan trapping her feet against the mattress and the disturbance of her sister shuffling in the bed. Leyla kept her eyes closed for a moment longer. It was light outside but her alarm had yet to go off, an indication that it was still early morning. She had a while before she would need to get ready for work.

Why was Sanem awake so early anyway? Sanem - who had slept in and been late to work almost every day for the last few weeks. Not undeservedly so, she was growing a whole human being, it was hard work. It seemed out of character. 

Her question was answered when her sister shifted to the edge of the bed - stilled for a moment - then let out a soft and unexpected "Oww,"

 

* * *

 

Can slept fitfully, waking the next morning with a heart full of apprehension. Reaching out across the foreign sheets of the hotel bed for someone that wasn't there. What time would it be back home? Maybe he should call her. But the thought was disturbed by a knock on the door; Emre was awake already.

Aziz smiled when he saw them, unfortunately, he would have a while to wait before they could get him on his way home, the return flight was booked for the late evening; first class tickets to allow Aziz some spacious comfort. They still had hours.

Can and Emre aided their father into a wheelchair. It was sad that he even needed it, but Emre tried to lighten the mood by joking. "Why don't you push, Can? it will be good practice for pushing around a stroller." He winked.

 

* * *

 

Leyla pushed herself onto her elbows. Noticing her sister sat at the edge of the bed, one hand bracing against the headboard and the other over her stomach. Leyla snapped out of her drowsiness.

"Sanem? Are you okay?" She asked. Her sister's eyes had scrunched shut, her breathing growing unsteady and labored.

"I don't know," Sanem said slowly.

"What's happening?"

Sanem let out a deep breath, her forehead creasing in discomfort. "I think - and I'm not sure so please don't freak out – that I might be having contractions."

"Sanem!" Leyla gasped. "What do you mean you're not sure. How can you not be sure?"

"Well, it's not like I have ever actually done any of this before."

"How many contractions have you had?"

She wasn't entirely sure. They had woken her up gently but had been strengthening ever since. "I think this is the third."

"Allah, Sanem!" Leyla jumped off the bed, frantic. "Isn't it a bit early? Your due date is over four weeks away. Do we need to go to the hospital? Oh my god, we need to go to the hospital."

"Leyla, I told you not to freak out." Sanem was doing her best to not freak out herself. Leyla's pacing wasn't helping.

"Sorry," Leyla tried to calm herself. Though whether it was nerves or excitement she was feeling, she could not tell. "Do you want me to call Can?"

"No." She shook her head. "No, don't call him. I'm sure it's nothing. You'll just make him worry. And it's not like he would be able to get here in time anyway..." The thought made her panic slightly.  _It couldn't be happening now, it was too early_.  _Can was half a world away._

"Owww," Sanem whined again, doubling over.

"Allah, Sanem. You're going into labour!" Leyla exclaimed as she darted out the door to their parent's room. The commotion caused Arslan to wake up. Sanem reached out for him and he soon nuzzled under her arm, sensing her distress.

 

* * *

 

Emre and Can took their father down to the beach, a long stretch of golden sand that Aziz had been longingly watching from the window of his hospital room but so far had little chance to explore. The walked for a while, giving Aziz a much-needed chance for fresh air, eventually stopping for lunch at a restaurant along the beachside path. Can parked the wheelchair next to the table as Emre went to order. He wanted to practice his Spanish.

Aziz, who had been trying to be chipper all morning, turned somber when Emre returned. "There is something we should talk about."

"Tamam," Emre replied slowly, placing down the tray of food and drinks.

"I want to apologise for not telling you both how bad things had gotten. I was hoping it would just be a blip, that I'd be alright and be able to return home as a healthy man." Aziz chuckled gently. "When I first moved to this hospital the doctors were hopeful - I didn't want to needlessly worry you. And I would have preferred you not see me like this. But it seems fate had other plans."

"It's okay, baba." Can protested. If they'd been good sons they would have visited earlier, there had been no need to wait for it to get so bad. "We should have come sooner."

"Don't beat yourself up, you were busy running a company. And falling in love." Aziz smiled softly. "And doing a far better job of both than I ever did."

Can noticed his father's grimace. He wondered if Aziz was thinking about the bitter failure his own marriage had been.

"What made you get back in contact with Huma?" Can asked, he was only curious but the natural fire that trailed every single one of his thoughts regarding his mother couldn't help but seep into the words slightly.

Aziz stilled, he'd been expecting that question. "In truth, she was the one who called  _me_. She was desperate to know how you were both doing. She missed you terribly. Being scorned away from your lives seems to have humbled her." Aziz paused. "It would be a great help to me, to know that you both still had a parent to look after you when I'm gone. I know she isn't perfect, but being in the process of dying gives you a shifted perspective on things."

Aziz had tried to say the words lightheartedly, but the honesty behind them still made his son's flinch slightly. He continued. "She is your mother. And although it should ultimately be up to the both of you to decide - it would be a relief to me if you could forgive her. To let her back into your lives."

"We are working on it." Can smiled faintly.

"Good." Aziz took a deep breath. "But I am hoping, that she is not the only one who can earn your forgiveness."

"Baba," Can protested. "There is no need for that."

"Well, you may not need to hear it but I need to say it." Aziz insisted. "I am sorry. What Huma told you about our separation was true. We should never have split you two apart like we did. I was focused more on revenge on your mother than of your own happiness. The two of you got caught up in our feuding. It wasn't fair on you. Perhaps it would have been kinder to let you both go with her after the divorce. God knows she was not the best mother in the word but I can hardly claim to have been perfect - I buried myself into my job and scarcely paid any attention to you, Can. I should never have kept you apart. It was selfish of me. I'm sorry."

Aziz rested for a second, conversation seemed to tire him easily but it was as if a slight weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Then, he turned to his youngest son. "And Emre, I owe you an apology for thinking I couldn't leave the company in your hands when I left. That was wrong of me, you have proved that over and over again. I am so proud of both of you, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.'

"Of course." Can swallowed. So much of the strife with his brother had been caused by that very decision. Leaving the company to Can had destroyed what little brotherly love the Divit son's had for each other, and had almost killed his relationship with Sanem before it had even had a chance to begin. Like stepping on a budding flower before it's even had a chance to bloom. Emre and Can had been painstakingly building their relationship back up from scratch over the last few years. It was still somewhat fragile. But with their father sat before them with a lingering shadow of death surrounding him, it all seemed so inconsequential. If he wanted their forgiveness, they would willingly give it.

Emre nodded to his father, squeezing his hand, his eyes slightly misty. 

Thank you," Aziz relaxed against the wheelchair.  

It went silent for a moment. Can took a sip of his drink as his mind wandered off to unpleasant places. They would have to arrange a funeral soon, where would they bury him? Did he want to be buried? Can had always liked the idea of being buried under a tree sapling. He frowned suddenly, slightly startled by the unexpected taste of his drink. "Emre," He said. "I asked for tea."

Emre hummed slightly sheepishly. "I know."

"So what is this?" Can asked, pointing at his cup of hot chocolate and marshmallows with a bemused look on his face.

"Yeah, so turns out my Spanish is still terrible." Emre frowned, making them all laugh for the first time that morning. It was a nice change.

 

* * *

 

 

Leyla dragged their bleary-eyed mother down the hallway to her bedroom. Sanem was still perched on the edge of the bed but the discomfort had passed for now.

"It's five in the morning. What is it? Can I go back to sleep?" Mevkibe yawned.

"Sanem's having contractions!" Leyla squeaked as she pulled her through the doorway.

"Allah, Leyla. You woke me up for that?" Mevkibe rolled her eyes. "It's probably just false labour pains. They happen all the time, I'm sure it will stop soon." She promised, instructing Sanem to lay back against the bed and get comfortable. "Lie down for a bit and they'll disappear" 

Sanem had been lying down when they started so she wasn't sure what good lying down again would do, but she went along with it anyway. It was only twenty minutes later that she had her fourth contraction, then another, and another. Two hours passed and they were still happening intermittently, refusing to fade away. If anything they were getting stronger. Her whole family had begun running around the house like headless chickens, leaving Sanem to quietly panic in the corner. She took careful breaths, trying to try to calm her shaking hands in Arslan's fur as her mother and sister frantically packed a hospital bag. She wished they would calm down - they still had hours, and besides, they were being highly overdramatic. It might still be nothing. She  _hoped_  it was still nothing.

 _Would you mind hanging on a little longer?_  She thought to the baby.  _Your dad isn't here right now. And I'd much prefer that he was._

Sanem pulled out her phone, dialing the private number her doctor had given her. After only a few heartbeats Naysul answered.

"Dr Naysül. Hi..."


	34. Broken Families

 

* * *

 

 

Arslan watched in puzzlement as the humans rushed around the house, throwing random items into a big duffle bag and shouting at each other from opposite ends of the building.

"What do we need? Towels? Toothbrushes?" Leyla yelled from the bathroom.

Mevkibe appeared in the doorway. "Do you have a have a hospital bag packed already?"

"We do," Sanem replied, keeping her breathing steady. "There's one in the house - and another in Can's car."

"We can pick one up on the way."

Arslan crouched guardedly next to Sanem on the bed, unsettled by all the comotion and by the fact she smelt strange - she smelt like anxiety. Stronger than he was familiar with; it came and went in harsh waves, her hand burying into the scruff of his neck as she pinched her eyes shut.

He heard the engine of Sanem's car at the front of the house, someone must have pulled it up outside the door. Convenient. Sanem wasn't particularly keen on walking at the moment.

Leyla and Mevkibe appeared in the bedroom doorway a few moments later and were soon helping Sanem waddle carefully down the stairs as he trotted down behind them. The makeshift hospital-bag was thrown into the back of her car and Sanem clambered inside. He was shocked when Leyla grabbed him by the collar, preventing him from jumping in beside her, instead, tugging him through to a different house that smelled unfamiliar and entirely unlike home.

What was happening? Was she about to have her puppy? Why wasn't he allowed to be there? But his questions were disappointingly answered with a rushed apology from Leyla as she closed the door in his face. 

 

* * *

 

A rushed detour to the house; a frantic drive to the hospital, and a blush-inducing pelvic exam later, Sanem could finally breathe.

Luckily Naysül had been on duty at the labour ward and had intercepted them at the door with a bright smile, leading Sanem's wheelchair through to a private room before confirming that she was, in fact, not having a baby today. The contractions had spontaneously dissipated on the drive over. Now replaced with his much more pleasant occasional kicking.  _You have the best timing little guy. What was all that about, huh? Are you that upset that your dad is away that you staged a protest?_

"Thankfully, it was just Braxton Hicks – granted quite an intense case but there has been no change in your cervix that would indicate you're going into labour," Naysül reassured. "It was just a false alarm. The little joey is staying in his pouch for now."

"Oh, thank god." Sanem sighed. Can was still half a world away, it would have been a miracle for him to return in time. She pushed the panic from her veils - happy that she wouldn't have to face this without him.

"Contractions like these aren't unusual, but I would recommend taking it easy for the rest of the pregnancy. Try not to do anything even remotely strenuous." Naysül warned.

"Is that a free pass not to exercise? Brilliant, I'll take that."

Naysül laughed. "Walking should be fine, but anything more than that is a definite no-no."

Ayhan would be disappointed. No more yoga. "Am I okay to work?" Sanem asked.

The Doctor hummed "It shouldn't be a problem, but if this happens again I may have to enforce bed rest on you. So please be careful, Sanem. I don't want to see your face again for at least a few more weeks, Tamam?" Naysül requested playfully.

Sanem nodded, they were in agreement on that. "Tamam."

 

* * *

 

"Well, that was anticlimactic," Leyla said, almost annoyed, as she climbed back into the driver's seat. Sanem's belly was making driving a cumbersome task now, she'd eagerly handed over the keys.

"Yeah," Sanem let out a deep breath.  _Thank god._

"I told you, didn't I. I told you it was false labour." Mevkibe reminded them smugly, climbing into the back seat.

"Yeah, you did. You were also the first to start freaking out when they kept coming back for over an hour." Sanem laughed. The anxiety of the morning was making her slightly delirious. "What did you guys do to my dog anyway?"

"I took him round Ayhan's." Leyla started the car. "We can pick him up before heading into work."

"Work?" Mevkibe interrupted. "You're actually going in? Sanem, you need to rest."

"I'm fine." Sanem protested. "Naysül said I'd be fine, I'll be sat down all day anyway and we have a presentation today I need to go to."

"Why would they make a pregnant lady give a presentation?" Mevkibe huffed.

"I'm not giving the presentation - Deren is. I'm just there as moral support."

"Allah, you are too stubborn child. Honestly, I don't understand how Can puts up with you."

 

* * *

 

Conversations of chickens were running rampant through the office; Aunt Remide had returned.

Truthfully, dropping in on Can and Sanem had been her main priority, negotiating the advertising contract for the upcoming year was just a convenient side goal.

The old lady had a soft spot for Can, which had naturally extended to Sanem and had earned Remide an invitation to their wedding. Still rightfully smug over her successful matchmaking, She entered the building, keeping an eye out for the young couple. A small entourage of employees trailed behind her.

As usual, she didn't wait for the receptionists to announce her arrival, but proudly strolled straight into the office. Ceycey was the first to greet her, leading them to the boardroom.

Deren was beyond grateful that Sanem had arrived - Remide could still be acrimonious at times, Sanem seemed to have a knack for hacking into her soft side - but she was also disturbed to know her friend had arrived straight from the hospital.

"Are you sure you should be here?" Deren asked. Again. 

"I'm fine. Stop fussing." Sanem insisted, checking over the collection of design layouts, inspirations and archetypes strewn over the table.

Ceycey opened the door, then pulled out a chair for the Remide. She ignored it for a moment, dropping her coat over the back and stepping around the table to greet Sanem.

"How are you, my dear?" Remide asked, smiling in greeting.

Sanem grinned. The table provided perfect cover from her unambiguous baby bump right until the moment she stood up. Conscious of the fact Remide had not seen her since the wedding, Sanem beamed cheekily. "I'm very well, thank you."

"Goodness me, look at you!" Remide gasped, her smile widening. She took Sanem's hands and held them out to the sides to get a better look at her. "I faintly recall a little bird telling me you two were expecting, but after I heard no official announcement, I assumed it was just a rumour."

"Apologies for that, we should have told you properly, things have been a bit hectic recently."

"Never mind, just name the little one after me and we can call it even." Remide winked.

"I would in a heartbeat, but we're actually having a boy."

"Nonsense, just knock the 'e' off the end and it could still be a boy's name." Remide teased, pulling Sanem in for a hug. "And where is that husband of yours?"

"Can is in Mexico at the moment, visiting his baba." She replied, pulling away.

The old lady tutted with mischievous eyes. "Typical man. Gets a women pregnant then disappears off to another country."

Sanem snorted, then was slightly started as Remide turned serious, still holding Sanem's hands in hers.

"I do hope he has been looking after you Sanem. You're a gem. I hope that boy knows how lucky he is." Sanem nearly blushed. The words were spoken with the gentle teasing of a grandmother, she wished Can had been there to hear it. His family may have been broken, but he was so loved by so many people - his own extended network of surrogate family members who cared for him so deeply.

"Thank you, but you shouldn't be worried. He's been very attentive to us both. I think I'm the lucky one." Sanem smiled fondly.

"Good." Remide nodded, finally taking her chair and indicating for the presentation to begin.

 

* * *

 

Sanem spent the rest afternoon drumming her fingers against her desk and eagerly waiting for Can's confirmation that they'd arrived back in Turkey. When the message finally chimed through on her phone, Sanem immediately began scooting her wheelie chair towards her sister's office.

"Leyla," Sanem pestered. "They're back. Will you drive me to the airport?"

Leyla's eyes flickered away from the computer "Oh, yeah. Just give me one moment." She said, saving the files on her computer and shuffling her belongings into her handbag. "Are they still planning on coming by the office?"

Sanem shook her head. "Not today, Can says Aziz is too tired from the flight, they're taking him straight home. They'll all visit tomorrow."

On Leyla's stubborn insistence they didn't even leave the car, waiting outside the airport in the drop-off area rather than taking the trek into the building. Sanem sighed, but it was probably sensible.

She would have run to him if she could. Instead, she opted to clamber out of the passenger seat and let him sweep her into his arms - as best as he was able with her belly in the way.

"Hey," Can breathed into her shoulder in relief that he was back with her. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Were fine." She smiled as she pulled away to look at him. Had it only been three days? It felt like a tiny eternity.

"Anything happen while I was away?" Can asked, loosening his arms from around her slightly.

In the excitement of seeing him again she had almost forgotten the events of that morning."Um... about that." 

 

* * *

 

Can nearly had a heart attack.

"Why didn't you call me?" He wasn't angry but his words were slightly louder than he'd meant them to be.

"It's not like it would have done any good. You were sixteen hours away. And anyway it's fine now, nothing happened." She squeezed his hand. "Of course, I would have eventually called had it been the real thing. But everyone was just making a fuss. There was no real need for me to have even gone to the hospital. My mom was more alarming than the pain, honestly."

Can winced at hearing she had been in discomfort. "Please don't do that again." He demanded, placing a hand over her stomach.

"Oh, I don't know," Aziz interrupted, sitting in a wheelchair a few meters away with Emre standing behind him. "Coming home to a grandchild would have been a nice surprise."

He grinned and stood feebly as Sanem walked over to give him a tight hug.

"I have missed you."

"I have missed you too, my dear." 

 

* * *

 

It was a slight squeeze to fit the five of them in Sanem's little car but they managed it nonetheless - the drive was only short. The wheelchair was folded up into the boot next to Arslan who was released for a few moments to eagerly greet Can and the others.

Can drove. Taking them all to Emre's house and spending the warm afternoon in the garden together. Arslan ran around the grass, jumping in and out of the pool as Emre and Leyla threw a deflated football for him to chase. Sanem sat next to Can on a recliner, catching up with Aziz and showing him pictures of their home and the new nursery.

"I'd love to see your new house. Can tells me you two renovated it together?" He asked. Sanem nodded.

Can relaxed, noticing his father seemed genuinely cheery, a bright smile on his face that was reflected on Sanem's as they talked.

Leyla and Emre disappeared inside the house, volunteering to cook dinner when Can's phone began ringing. His mother's name appeared on the front screen. He hesitated but answered anyway after a heartbeat.

"Hello?"

"Can," She seemed relieved that he hadn't hung up. "Emre told me you were bringing your father back today. Are you home now? How is he?" Her concern seemed honest, a promising reminder of the mother he had seen glimpses of as a child. He chatted with her, letting her know what had happened over the last few days. It was strangely easy, it made him anxious how open he had become with her in the last few months. He hoped his trust wouldn't be shattered. Again. 

"Would it be okay if I came over?" Huma asked tentatively. Can stilled, repeating the question to Sanem and Aziz.

"I guess that's up to you." Sanem smiled reassuringly.

Can thought for a moment before replying. "Sure. Yeah, you can come over." His answer shocked even himself. But when she arrived with a bundle of flowers in hand and joined them for dinner in the garden, the usual acidity left by her presence that he had become accustomed to was pleasantly absent. Replaced by a gentle warmth. Sat under the setting sun, laughing at Emre's jokes, and pretending not to notice the others sneakily feeding Arslan scraps under the table, Can was beginning to feel that maybe his broken family wasn't so broken anymore. 

 

* * *

 

 

Sanem and Can said their goodbye's late in the evening. Emre offered to drop Leyla home and they all trickled back to their own houses.

Sanem headed straight for the bath when they returned. Climbing out of her clothes and stepping into the water, squealing slightly when Can suddenly entered the bathroom too. He followed her lead, shedding his clothing and slipping into the bath behind her. She rolled her eyes when he offered to wash her hair, but let him anyway. Humming when he began massaging his fingers into her scalp.

"I have officially turned into a whale." She joked. "I think it's time you released me into the ocean so I can swim with my brethren –"

"Sanem, stop being so dramatic. You don't look that big."

"I might not look it but I definitely feel it." She sighed, leaning back against his chest. Sanem's belly was beginning to feel stupidly large - and heavy. She'd had enough. Everything hurt and she kept leaking in embarrassing places every time the baby used her bladder as a trampoline, she was  _very_  ready for this pregnancy to be over. "I think it might be about time I stop working."

Can smiled, he'd been waiting for that decision. "Tamam." He agreed as he began rinsing her hair with a water jug.

It didn't stop her from visiting the office occasionally and opting to spend most of her time at Emre's house with her father in law, and consequently Huma - who offered herself as Aziz's substitute nurse. Sanem could keep her father in law company but she was almost as immobile as he was.

Ihsan was turning into a trip hazard. The ginger cat was furious over their three-day disappearance. How dare they heartlessly abandon him for so long? His anger and bitterness manifested into overbearing neediness, he wouldn't leave them alone for a second. They were in debt and he was adamant they would repay him, tangling himself between their legs as they walked, climbing onto their laps every moment they sat down. Watching movies, eating dinner, working on their laptops – he would be there. Getting in the way and making an adorable pest of himself.

One evening, Can entered the living room to find Sanem settled on the sofa with a blanket draped over her lap and a bucket of popcorn in one hand. The cats were mysteriously absent - until Can pointed out the irregularity and Sanem simply lifted the blanket off her tucked up legs, revealing both Ilkay and Sannie boy who had snuggled under the tent made by the blanket draped over her knees.

As of yet, the cats had not discovered the comfort of Can and Sanem's bed. It was a luxury afforded only to Arslan, but with an onslaught of heartbreaking wailing in the middle of the night, Can and Sanem suddenly found themselves inviting all three animals to sleep with them, Ilkay naturally following her brother.

"I think we are going to need a bigger bed." Can joked. "Especially when the baby arrives."

Sanem hummed in agreement.

The cats were painfully indiscreet about their favouritism for Sanem, especially Ilkay. Can wasn't certain if it was because she'd practically raised them or if they were drawn to her because she was pregnant. Could they sense her hormones? Is that what made her lap more enticing than his? He tried not to be jealous. Even Arslan had become exceptionally gentle and loving with Sanem the bigger her belly got.

But they weren't the only ones being exceptionality needy with her. After the incident while he was away in Mexico, Can had become oppressively affectionate. Demanding that she never be left alone on her own, in the office or at home, someone always had to be on 'baby-mamma duty' keeping an eye on her.

She kept waking up feeling hot and muggy, with his arms cuddled around her. The temperature was still uncomfortably high and she had to kick him away before she could settle back down to sleep.

"I love you but this is getting ridiculous." 

But it wasn't all bad. He'd started the adorable habit of talking to the baby every morning. It made her heart flutter. Trying to be tactful about it, he shuffled quietly down the bed, laying in front of the bump while he thought she was still asleep. Yet the quiet conversation was often enough to wake her. She squeezed her eyes shut, feigning sleep and listening to words she couldn't quite make out, but knew were not meant for her. She held back a smile, not wanting to disturb their moment.


	35. Heartbeats

* * *

 

   Moments.

   Split second decisions, the quiet stillness of contemplation or even sudden and unexpected interventions of fate - gifts from the angels themselves. They make up the building blocks of our very existence, commanding the direction of changes and transitions from one chapter of our lives to the next. No matter how hard we hold on, attempting to force moments to align with an idealised perception of the future that we had in our head is entirely pointless; moments can be chaotic little things. They are also not impartial to sneakiness.

   Sometimes, and more often to than most people realise, the biggest moments greet us quietly and without fuss. At the time, we may barely notice they are even happening, entirely unaware of the consequences about to unfold. Slipping into our lives like quiet whispers.

   For Sanem, falling in love with Can had been one of these moments. It had crept up on her slowly, and when she had finally accepted her feelings for what they were, they had already taken up such a familiar place in her heart that it just felt normal; like something she'd been holding for years, she couldn't remember life without it. Falling pregnant had been the same. The life growing in her womb had started off so discreetly, as if he were a beautiful secret her body was trying to keep. After the initial shock, progressing slowly and gently, allowing her time to adjust to every little change before the next one came along, introducing her gradually and gently to the concept of becoming a mother.

   But sometimes - as it would becoming alarmingly obvious to Sanem - moments are not quiet, they are not discreet, nor are they gentle, and they certainly don't give you time to adjust before colliding into your life like a freight train.

   The morning had started so peacefully. She'd woken up to find Can had wriggled down the bed, repeating the same ritualistic 'good morning' to the baby he'd been doing for weeks.

   Sanem smiled, then rolled over to discover it was well past 10 am. A frustrating and equally endearing consequence of Can's recently developed habit of turning off her morning alarm before she had the chance to wake up. While she'd been working, it had regularly caused them to stumble into the office well past clock in time. Despite the fact she was now abstaining from work, it was still mildly irritating; she didn't want to waste the day away in bed. But she loved him for it anyway.

   Can disappeared into the bathroom as she nudged away the dozing cats who were still curled up against her. She groaned, the movement making her aware of an unpleasant ache in her hips.

   She wasn't surprised. Her long list of discomforts had been getting longer over the last few days.

   She'd been spending most of her time with Aziz, lazying around either her own or Emre's house, watching movies, playing board games or just talking for hours on end. Napping when they needed to and sending the odd message back and forth from the office when someone needed her assistance. Both being equally as physically inebriated as the other, messing around with Aziz wheelchair and taking it in turns to encourage the other on short walks around the garden was about all they could manage. Arslan proved a faithful walking aid. Allowing them to lean on him for balance support.

   Sanem wasn't even dissuaded by Huma's presence. And even tolerated her mother-in-law in joining them in her own home when it was Sanem's turn to host. The animals stayed well clear of her, but that was probably for the best.

   But today, Aziz was visiting the hospital for some routine check-ups, so Sanem was entrusted under the supervision of Deren for a few hours while Can, Leyla and Emre attended a lunch meeting with the Kırmızı Kurt's CEO.

   "Are you sure you'll be okay?" Can asked for the fifth time after dropping her off at the office. "I'll keep my phone on the whole time in case -"

   "Can, stop it. My due date is still three weeks away. You're literally going to be a forty-minute drive from here. Nothing catastrophic is going to happen that means you won't be able to reach me if you need to. Stop stressing and go, or you're going to be late." She laughed and gave him a kiss goodbye.

   Sanem wasn't going to waste her time in the office. There was work to be done and instead of idle chatter, she set to reviewing the designs for Remide with Deren. They'd clearly been suffering in her absence, none of the others seemed to understand the difference between a full sized chicken and a bantam. They were in need of their ornithologist.

   "There is a very big difference, Ceycey." Sanem explained. "Remide would have your head off for saying that. Bantam eggs are far more valuable because -"

   "Okay! Okay Sanem, I get your point. We'll draw them smaller." He surrendered.

   Naturally, the freight train chose a less than ideal time to arrive.

   The waves came more gently than they had the first time. Barely strong enough to register her notice at the start, then developing in intensity until she could no longer ignore them.  _Okay, just breath Sanem. It's probably Braxton Hicks again. You've been standing up for too long, that's all. They'll go away in a minute._

   They didn't.

   She was with Deren in her office when the waves progressed slowly into agony. It was the first time Sanem had been unable to mask the discomfort on her face. She turned white, bracing her hands against the table.

   Deren stared at her, worry obvious on her face. "Sanem?"

   "I'm fine." Sanem winced, closing her eyes and trying to recall the breathing exercises she'd been taught.

   "You sure? You don't look it."

   "No, I'm fine. I'm just-" She took another deep breath. "I'm just having contractions."

   Deren gaped at her in shock. "Sanem! How long have they been happening?"

   "For about two hours." She answered, nonchalant.

   "Why didn't you say anything? Deren squeaked, bolting out of her chair.

   "It wouldn't have made a difference anyway. They told us not to come to the hospital until they were five minutes apart." It had been twelve minutes since her last one and the fact she could still form logical sentences while it was happening must have been a good sign. Right? "Can will be back in an hour. It'll be fine. There's no need to make a scene about it."

   "Sanem, you're going into labour. I think this situation allows for a bit of a scene."

   Can nearly fell out of his chair when Deren's name appeared on his phone screen half an hour later. He shot up from the table, excusing himself to the baffled CEO as Emre and Leyla shot him a concerned glance.

   He pushed his was through the restaurant door, urgently tapping the answer button. "What happening?"

   "Can," Deren sounded panicked, her voice was shaking. "You need to meet us at the hospital. The baby's coming."

   "Really? Now? Right now? Are you sure it's not just a false alarm?" Naysül had warned it was likely to happen again, but it wasn't Deren he was trying to convince. 

   In reply, Deren simply turned the phone onto loudspeaker - allowing him to hear Sanem's muffled wailing in the background. Can winced.

   Deren continued speaking in a panicked rush. Something about Sanem's water breaking; six minutes apart and - something else? It took him a minute to realise she must have been shouting at Arslan.

   "Ceycey! Get the dog." He heard Deren yell in the background. "I'm going to drive her to the hospital. Meet us there."

   "Tamam." He was already on his way to the car.

 

* * *

 

   Can found them still stuck in the hospital car park. Sanem had attempted to exit the passenger side but stalled when another contraction hit, and before Deren could have the sense to fetch a wheelchair, Can rushed over to them.

   Sanem reached out for him, whimpering in relief that he had arrived. Instinctively, he swept his wife up in his arms, carrying her into the building, leaving Deren bewildered and slightly shell shocked.

   "Why is it always me?" Deren collapsed back into her car, greeted by Arslan's soft, concerned eyes staring at her. Deren groaned.

   Greeted by a startled receptionist, Can was quickly directed through to a birthing suite. Sanem's head was nestled into his chest, her hand clutching onto his t-shirt as she breathed through the pain. He felt guilty letting go of her as he put her down on the hospital bed.

   The room was spacious, modern, with a large window overlooking a wide view of the bay - perhaps Can would have appreciated it more if his wife wasn't red-faced and bent over in pain. It was tearing his heart into pieces. Yet at the same time, he couldn't help feeling guilty for the quiet excitement brewing in his veins.

   In a moment of lucidity, Sanem opted to sit on an exercise ball, swaying slightly as she rested her head and arms against the edge of the hospital bed. Her hair had been hastily tied up into a scruffy bun, but Sanem didn't seem to have the mind to care. Can sat behind her on a chair, massaging her back in the way he'd been taught and doing his best to stop his hands shaking.

   A midwife entered the room a while later, smiling softly as she introduced herself as Mari.

   Sanem lifted her chest off the mattress on shaky arms. "I'm only thirty-seven weeks along. It's a bit early isn't it, is he going to be okay?"

   Mari smiled sweetly. "It's slightly pre-term but nothing to worry about. If the baby is coming now then he's decided he's ready."

 

* * *

 

   Minutes bled agonisingly slowly into hours as Sanem did her best to concentrate on breathing. She wasn't aware of when she had been given the Entonox respirator but she had been clinging onto it for dear life ever since. Laughing gas. The name must have been a joke because it wasn't making her laugh. The effects were barely negligible, but it was the only small comfort she had, aside from Can, but she wasn't particularly fond of him at the moment. Everything hurt. Her back was killing her. Her pelvis ached. It felt like her uterus was tying itself into damn sailor's knots, every five minutes it would unravel – allowing her a brief respite before it started all over again. The contractions were relentless, and she'd been barred from anything stronger - she should have listened to Deren. Apparently, she'd arrived at the hospital too far dilated to be allowed more substantial drugs. It was awful. And she decided it was entirely  _his_ fault.

   Can better be happy with just the one kid because there was no way in freaking hell that she was going to -

   Owwww. Allah that hurt. She couldn't stop the wail that escaped from her chest. Can's frantic hand cling onto hers.

   No. She was definitely not doing this ever again. Even if it meant keeping Can away from her with a five-foot bargepole for the rest of their lives.

   It ebbed away. Sanem kept her eyes closed, maybe she shouldn't have spent so much time laughing in those birthing classes. Maybe she would have been better prepared.

   Can stood next to her, feeling numb and hopeless. He didn't know how to help. Every attempt he had made to comfort her had been received with a scowl. He'd tried encouraging her, talking to her, but he'd been told to shut up. Can didn't blame her, she looked like she was going through hell, he was aching to find a way to help.

   His hand was going numb, which only helped to lessen the pain caused by her gripping onto it so fiercely. It seemed a fair trade.

   It all seemed to be happening faster than they'd been expecting.  _Was everything okay? Was this normal?_ The midwife had to keep reassuring him it was.

   It was not long before another barrage of pain rolled through her. Starting from her lower back and spreading out through her abdomen. Something shifted with this one. She suddenly felt the urge to bear down. She reached out for Can's hand again, clamping down on it like a vice. She went back to focusing on her breathing. She wasn't very good at it. The midwife had to keep prompting her.

 _Breath._  Surely if the baby was coming early, then he should be smaller? Easier? It was the one positive thing she had come up with when the realisation that she was going into labour had struck her earlier. She'd been wrong.

 _Breath._  She knew she was releasing an embarrassing bedlam of noises, but who cared. Who cared when it hurt  _so_  much.

 _Breath._ Her knuckles on her other hand were turning white where they gripped onto the side of the bed. Her skin clammy and red from exhaustion and pain. She must have been getting close by now?

   Sanem whined in relief as it faded away. She closed her eyes, trying to rest for a moment.

   "It's time now, Sanem. Be ready to start pushing with the next one." The midwife finally gave her the go ahead. Sanem whimpered, partially in relief that it was nearly over and partially in fear of what was to come. She glanced at Can who did his best to give her a reassuring smile – he looked terrified.

   She let out a pained laugh at his expression. "I'm sorry."

   "For what?"

   "For being grumpy with you."

   Can smiled, the fear in his eyes giving way to their usual brightness. "Don't worry about me. I can take whatever you dish out. Do your worst."

 

* * *

 

   "Breath, Sanem." She hadn't even realised she hadn't been. "That's it. Push a bit more for me sweetheart."

   "Sanem, we are going to need you to move onto your side. The baby isn't quite in the right position. Everything's fine. But it would be better if you could move over." The midwife prompted. Sanem cautiously shifted herself with Can's help. Clutching onto the Entonox respirator and taking another deep breath as she adjusted to the new position. She sighed, this was much more comfortable.

   "Sir, would you mind holder her leg out of the way," Mari instructed. Can nodded, breathless, before moving to do as told. Sanem wasn't happy when he let go of her hand, immediately clutching back onto it when he had resettled further down the bed. One arm hooked under her knee and holding it up, allowing her to brace against it, as his other entwined with her fingers. Overwhelmingly grateful that he was here and regretting the countless times she'd sworn at him in the last hour, she gave him a shaky smile, which he returned.

   "Okay. That's better, Sanem." The midwife praised. "Not long now."

   From this angle Sanem could see the monitor screens, she'd been listening when the nurse explained all the graphs and numbers but she hadn't taken much of it in. There was only one that stood out, her eyes were drawn to it. An electrocardiogram. The result of a monitor strapped to her belly, watching over the baby's heart rate. The fast yet gentle rise and fall of the peaks was warmly reassuring. He was so close. She was going to get to meet him soon.

   Sanem banished all thought of pain, exhaustion and unfamiliar, white hospitals rooms from her mind. Watching the lines on the graph flicker up and down and letting it fuel a determination she was sure had run out hours ago. Allowing the remnants of her courage to flicker to life until it formed a burning and unwavering fire in her heart, using it as armor to fight off the agony that was creeping its way back in. She was so achingly desperate to meet him.

   All she needed to do was  _push._


	36. Little Lamb

   

* * *

 

    It was a bittersweet feeling when he was finally out. Because, thank  _fuck_ it was over, but she had become so used to the familiarity of carrying him that now he was gone it felt like a piece of her was missing.

   She was exhausted. Closing her eyes and nearly giving in to the demands of her body that was screaming at her to collapse against the bed and rest for an eternity. But her heart wouldn't let her. It whispered something else, as her senses focused in on the soft crying filling the room, something quiet yet insistent that she couldn't refuse.

_Find him. Look at him._

_Hold him._

   It all happened in an instant. She blinked her eyes open, and before she even had time to reach out for him the midwife was placing him against her chest. A wailing bundle of pink, wrinkled skin and wriggling limbs. Her missing piece was back.

   And he was beautiful.

   Time seemed to stand still as she looked at him, utterly wonderstruck, gazing at him with soft eyes as she memorized every inch of his skin. Her arms naturally forming a cradle around his tiny body and holding him against her chest.

   He was so small, so delicate. How had she made something so perfect? With his perfect little face, perfect squishy nose and perfect little ears. Her eyes lingered over his hands, noticing how stupidly small his fingernails were. She ran her thumb over them, her heart fluttering at how adorable every tiny piece of him was.

   She was amazed that he had managed to fit inside her mere moments ago, he seemed too small to be out in the world yet too large to have actually been inside a human being.

   She hadn't expected him to feel as heavy as he was, but the weight was pleasant against her. It was so strange to finally be holding him, to feel his small body against hers, so solid and warm, when for months he had been nothing more than an idea, an imagination in her mind. It was like meeting a person you had only know through whispers behind thin walls. Introductions behind the lining of her belly, the feeling of his feet against the palm of her hand had been magical enough. But this was something else entirely. Something that felt as though it was shifting the very fabric of her universe.

   She felt Can press a kiss to the side of her head, pulling her out of her reverie. She leaned into him, noticing the gentle tears falling from his eyes as he pulled away. He was beaming. Bright and beautiful and proud, one of his rare smiles that was made all the more radiant by the emotion in his eyes.

   "Are you okay? He sniffed, his voice wobbling slightly.

   She smiled back at him, nodding, suddenly becoming aware of the wetness streaking down her own cheeks, tasting the saltiness on her tongue. She brushed them away, laughing quietly at herself.

   "He's so beautiful," Can whispered, reaching out to take the babies hand as it flailed in the air. He held his son's palm between his fingers, brushing his fingertips over the baby's skin until his delicate hand slowly enclosed around his father's thumb. Can nearly stopped breathing. Sanem laughed softly at him, her eyes naturally pulled to the bundle against her chest, now quiet, eyes still firmly closed, too overwhelmed with the brand new sensations of the outside world to attempt to venture any further.

   Sanem had never been a fan of cliches. But the little boy in her arms was undoubtedly the most miraculous little thing she had ever seen. He was her little, perfect miracle and she already overwhelmingly, and irrevocably loved him with all her heart.

 _I love you. I've loved you for such a long time, even when you terrified me, even when you seemed like such a distant idea. I'm so glad you're finally here._ Her heart felt like it was growing too big for her chest.

   She watched him, his chest gently rising and falling as she brushed a gentle finger down his forehead and over his nose, when his eyes finally blinked slowly open and -

 _Oh my gosh._  Sanem's heart melted into a warm puddle.

   'Hi...' She whispered, slightly star-struck. He had the most beautiful, warm brown eyes she had ever seen. A shade between her's and Can's, but with a light that was also entirely his own.

   He wouldn't stop staring at her. She couldn't stop staring at him.

   She let out a shaky breath, one she didn't realise she'd been holding. In an instant it was as if her whole future had shifted; he'd suddenly become the most important thing in the world; the only thing that mattered. It felt as though she would move a million mountains, force the seas to part and even command the realignment of the stars themselves just to keep him happy and safe. Oxytocin was one hell of a drug. Maybe it should have been overwhelming but she just found she couldn't stop smiling, almost giddy. 

_God knew what he was doing when he brought me to you._

   Looking into his eyes, it was clear that the tiny little person in front of her was a stranger. And yet, at the same time, it felt as if she had known him for an eternity. There was something so intimately familiar about him.

   Every few minutes Sanem would manage to tear her eyes away from the baby to glance at Can, as if to check he was just as amazed as she was. He was. They beamed at each other with watery eyes. Equally terrified and excited about the newfound parental responsibility that had just landed in their laps in a wailing bundle.

   Can had a feeling he'd just officially lost his title as the love of her life. But he found himself not minding, and entirely in support of the little boy in her arms that had just dethroned him. 

   Can was in complete awe of them both. She was amazing. How had she created a whole human? Taken such a small part of him and a small part of her and turned it into something magical, nurtured it inside her to create this beautiful little creature cradled against her chest. Their perfect little boy. Did she realise how amazing this was? Did she know the weight of the gift she had just given him? The nurses were acting as if this was the most normal thing in the world, he wanted to tell everyone, to share his pride with anyone he could find, to run out on to the streets and shout it to the first person he came across. But he also didn't want to leave them.

   He'd finally gained control of his hands, the shaking banished along with his worry. Conveniently timed with the nurses asking if he wanted to cut the umbilical cord. He nodded.

   After it was done, the nurses pried the baby from Sanem's slightly reluctant hands, before they carried him over to the edge of the room. Sanem's eyes followed him like a lost puppy's as they cleaned him off, checked his breathing, weighed him and -

   Can took her hand squeezing it. "It's okay," He promised, giving her a reassuring smile. "I think they know what they're doing."

   Sanem squeezed his hand in return. "Can... We have a baby." She said the words slowly, as if worried the truth behind them would disappear if spoken out loud, like breaking out of a beautiful dream just when you start to become too aware of your surroundings.

   He chuckled. "Yeah,"

   The baby was returned along with a newly made birth certificate, black ink replicas of his footprints had been stamped onto the page. The nurse attached a small paper bracelet around his arm, labeled 'Divit', placing a second, larger one around Sanem's own wrist. It was hospital policy, a way of keeping track of whose parents were whose, but the symbolism wasn't lost on Sanem. They were tied together, forever and always. Marked by a shared name. This little boy was theirs, entirely theirs and they would get to love him forever.

   "My little lamb," She greeted gently as she settled him back into her arms, now snuggled inside a soft white blanket, pressing a kiss against the top of his head and humming softly. She still felt delirious and slightly in shock, so she let her instincts guide her, finding her body seemed to move naturally as long as she didn't think about it too much.

   The nurses disappeared a while later, leaving the little family in peace. But Sanem was left suddenly wishing they had stayed when the baby started fussing, wriggling and turning red-faced as he began to cry. Sanem's eyes went wide in panic.

_Oh, Please don't do that, we were getting on so well._

   "Is he okay?" Can asked.

   "I think... I think he might be hungry." His wailing was making her chest uncomfortably heavy. The nurse had promised to return to assist her with nursing, but it couldn't be that hard could it? Luckily, it was one of the few things she had paid attention to at the birthing classes.

   Sanem shuffled and sat up properly against the back of the bed, immediately regretting the movement when her insides started throbbing. Ow.

   She ignored it, unfastening the buttons over the shoulder of her hospital gown, sliding her bra strap of one shoulder and reshuffling the baby to her chest.

   Okay, maybe this was more difficult than she'd expected. He refused to latch on, turning his head away, his cries becoming louder by the second. Maybe he wasn't hungry, what else could be wrong? Was he too hot? Too cold? Too tired? Panic began rising again but it soon dissipated when he finally agreed to start nursing. It pinched for a few minutes, but the discomfort soon faded, replaced by a warm, cuddly bliss that nearly took her breath away.

   She loved him so much it was stupid, ridiculous. It almost made her want to apologise to her mother for all the stupid things she'd ever done, all those nights sneaking out of the house, lying about what she was up to and creeping back inside in the early hours of the morning. It wasn't fair. Mevkibe should never have had to put up with that, all the worry she'd caused.

   The baby finished feeding and yawned, becoming sleepy. Sanem arranged the blanket, exposing the skin of his tummy, then lifted him up carefully back against the bare skin against the crook of her neck. The white blanket, unraveled and cascading down her sons back. She stayed like that, watching him sleep and sharing warm glances with her husband who had shuffled his chair as close to the bed as he could get.

   Can hadn't even had the chance to hold him yet, but he was content to watch his wife glowing with happiness as their baby rested peacefully in her presence. Truth be told, he was a bit nervous. His son was so small, he seemed to fit so perfectly in Sanem's arms. Can thought his own were too big to hold such a small, precious thing without it looking awkward.

   Sanem had taken to her newly embraced motherhood with the enthusiasm of a duckling taking its first swim. With slight trepidation at first, soon taken over by an unbridled and joyous sense of belonging. It showed in her face, in the way her eyes sparkled, in the way she beamed at every noise the baby made, in the way that she seemed to know to hum to him when he started to get fussy. Can was falling in love with her all over again.

   All those years he'd spent wandering, searching the earth for an answer he could never find, some sort of cosmic truth that had eluded him for years. Thousands of miles spent chasing something always out of reach, when the whole time he had been looking in completely the wrong place. He thought he'd found his answer in Sanem, but he was realising now that she had only ever been part of the puzzle. This little boy had been the last piece he was unaware he'd been waiting for.

   Eventually, and as hard as she fought against them, Sanem's eyes began drooping shut. She desperately needed to sleep, but the plastic crib at the foot of the hospital bed seemed cold and unappealing.

   "Can?"

   "Hmm?" He responded, watching as she shuffled herself to one side of the bed.

   "Come here." She insisted, tapping the mattress beside her. He did as she asked, luckily the bed was spacious, allowing him enough room to fit beside her comfortably.

   Sanem sat up, causing the baby to mewl at the disturbance. Then she slowly, carefully moved him onto Can's chest. She watched her husband's breathing stop as the baby settled against the skin of his neck. She smiled, a warmness spreading through her limbs, briefly alleviating the ache that had settled over every bone in her body. Content that they would be okay, she turned onto her side and let herself fell asleep.

   Sanem woke up an hour later, a nurse returning to check up on her. Can had moved back to the chair to give her more space to sleep.

   As the nurse walked towards the hospital bed, she gave him a smile, then discreetly whispered something in his wife's ear. Sanem glanced at him with adoration in her eyes, the baby content and asleep on his chest, before she smiled and whispered something back to the nurse. A giggled secret passed between. Can would have to inquire about it later.

   Can managed to tear himself away for them both for five minutes, handing the baby back over before fetching the hospital bag from the car along with his phone he'd hastily abandoned on the passenger side seat. A hundred notifications demanded his attention, messages and calls from Leyla and Emre and a few others from the office.

   He returned to Sanem, handing over the blanket she'd been wanting. "Everyone's been calling. Do you want me to let them know about the baby?"

   "Not yet," She said, brushing a finger over the baby's cheek. "I want to enjoy him by ourselves for a little while longer."


	37. Welcome Home

 

* * *

 

 

Sanem's bright smile began to fade, still managing to maintain a feeling of joy and warmth but sleepiness was waning away the elation she had felt earlier. She was starting to feel the need to escape from the white hospital walls and introduce him to the comfort of their own home.

"What time is it?" Sanem asked quietly, not wanting to wake the little boy sleeping against her. It felt like the labour had lasted a million years, but there was still faint sunlight peeking through the window.

Can glanced at his watch. "It's only eight-thirty,"

"Really? Jesus, that was fast." Their birthing coach had sternly warned that first time mothers could expect to spend hours and hours - even days, fighting to meet their little bundle of joy for the first time. It wasn't unheard of to be blessed with a quick birth, but it wasn't exactly common either. Sanem didn't feel quite so guilty for not paying attention in the classes "That must have been a world record. I think I deserve a medal."

"Unfortunately, I don't think this particular hospital gives them out." Can chuckled, before letting his voice soften. "But, I think he's a pretty awesome prize, probably the best in the world." Can's fingers found themselves brushing over the back of the babies hand as it curled up in a fist against Sanem's chest.

"Yeah, he definitely is." She said breathlessly.

 

* * *

 

 

The next doctor that popped in to check on them was a familiar face. Naysül entered the room with a wide, sincere smile, greeting Sanem as she walked over. "I heard you were in today, how did it go?"

"It was the worst, I only got through it because I promised myself I'd never have to do it again." Sanem laughed quietly, glancing down at the infant sleeping against the bare skin of her chest. "I think I might have already changed my mind about that though. Just don't tell Can I said that." She nodding her head towards her husband who was currently napping on the sofa in the corner of the room.

"Well, I can see why." Naysül beamed at the baby. "Isn't he just the cutest."

"Oh, he is. I just love him so much." Her words became muffled as she peppered gentle kisses against the top of his head.

"I'll be back later to discharge you in a few hours. Let me know if you need anything."

Sanem nodded as Naysül waved goodbye to the baby.

 

* * *

 

She was amazed. Yesterday she'd still been pregnant, and now the nine, slow months of waiting were finally over and her little boy was here in her arms. She half expected to wake up, find herself in the comfort of her own bed - still very pregnant - only to release the whole thing had been a wonderful dream. That this was only a glimpse of what it would be like to physically hold him. That her happiness would slip away like sand running through her hands, at the disheartening truth that she still had a little longer to wait.

Yet every second that passed, he started to feel more and more real, each moment with him becoming more certain than the one before.

He was real, he was here. And she would get to wake up every day from now on and be able to see his beautiful face, smile at his warm brown eyes hold his adorable tiny little hands in hers. He was so perfect. She couldn't get over it.

Was it just because he was hers, and she was his? Was it just some sort of innate, biological drive that made him seem like the most perfect thing in the universe? She loved him so much it was almost heartbreaking, and if the undeniable love and pride behind Can's eyes was any indication, he felt exactly the same.

Can was so gentle with him, his nervousness proving to be inconsequential in the face of his joy. Sanem was falling deeper in love with her husband by the second. It felt as though her heart had already grown three sizes since that morning, and her body didn't seem big enough to hold it all in, she kept having to brush away the happy tears falling down her cheeks.

 

* * *

 

They spent another hour alone with him, getting to know him in undisturbed peace, both of them taking turns becoming familiar with the feeling of him sleeping against their bare skin. Can, occasionally capturing images through the lens of his phone, moments when the babies eyes captivated his wife's attention, make her whole face shine with love. He had taken enough to fill a whole scrapbook - which suddenly seemed like an ingenious idea.

After a while, they both became antsy to share his existence with someone other than the nurses - who didn't seem nearly excited enough. After time to bond with him by themselves, they needed their families to meet him. Immediately.

Can sent out an email to their colleagues, a photo of an exhausted yet content Sanem holding the baby, that she would later slap him in mortification for sending out. He made a few phone calls, letting a few excited family members know that the baby had arrived. Both of them laughing at Mevkibe who couldn't decide if she wanted to cry about the fact she was finally a grandmother, or shout at them for waiting to share the news. She settled on both, which was an interesting noise to hear through the end of the telephone.

Being impatient, Sanem's mother insisted on face-timing while Nihat drove them all to the hospital. Can answered the call, greeting his mother-in-law before turning the camera around to reveal a very proud Sanem holding the newborn. She gently wiggled the infant's hand, waving to his grandmother. Mevkibe started crying again. She had to hang up before she embarrassed herself, promising they would be there in half an hour.

 

* * *

 

Deren was the first to visit. Peaking through the door and catching Sanem's attention.

"Hi," Sanem said, the words sounding more like a question than a greeting.

"Hi..." Deren repeated, seeming just as surprised by the fact she was there as Sanem was. "Can I come in?"

"Of course."

"Where's Can?" Deren crept over on shy legs.

"He's finding me food," Sanem replied as Deren peered at the baby, now awake and settled on Sanem's lap on top of a blanket. His small hands held in his mothers.

"Oh, he is cute," Deren whispered.

"He is right? It's not just me?"

"No, he's definitely cute. And I don't say that often about babies." Deren smiled, seeming only mildly uncomfortable to be in the middle of a maternity ward.

"Do you want to hold him?" Sanem offered.

Deren floundered. "Uh. Thank you, but... No."

Sanem laughed at her quietly. "Have you been here the whole time?"

"Uh, yeah, kind of. I stayed for a while sat in the car, but we both got a bit fidgety, so we started walking and just kept going for hours along the waterfront-"

"We?" Sanem asked, confused.

"Arslan,"

In the rush to get to the hospital Sanem had barely even noticed the dog had been in the back seat. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't - I forgot. You can drop him off at the house if you want, I can give you the keys-"

"No, It's fine, Sanem. You don't have to apologise." Deren shushed her. "He's actually quite the sweetheart."

Can appeared at the doorway, carrying the spoils of his search for food, passing the bag over to Sanem's eager hands.

"Congratulations on the mini Divit," Deren greeted.

Can beamed back at her. "Thank you,"

"I'll leave you two in peace, Arslan is probably getting impatient."

Sanem whispered thanks to her friend, squeezing her hand as Deren nodded goodbye to them, offering to drop Arslan round their house in the morning.

Sanem opened up the bag of food, discovering a feast of her favourite bingeing snacks.

"Oh my god, you're an angel." She mumbled as she tore open and began chewing on a cereal bar. It wasn't particularly nutritious - but damn it, she'd just given birth. She deserved some calories. "By the way, how did the meeting go? With what's-his-face, the Kimizi Kurt dude?" She asked, between mouthfuls.

"Abi? Oh, I don't even know."  _Shit._  "I just ran out of the restaurant as soon as Deren called." He'd abandoned his lunch to go cold along with their upcoming advertising plans. Can rested his head in his hands and sighed. "They're not gonna be impressed with that." Screw it, preserving the companies reputation wouldn't have been worth missing the birth of his son.

"I'm sure Leyla and Emre will have mulled them over," Sanem hummed, digging into the bag in search of something. "Did you get any... ah ha!" Sanem grinned triumphantly as she pulled out a packet of caramel chocolate. "I love you."

Can grinned at her, taking the baby off her lap so she could eat. It wasn't so intimidating now, he'd gotten more used to holding the infant in his arms, it was starting to feel so normal. So natural. 

Can was only slightly alarmed when the baby started wriggling, sticking his hand in his mouth and crying softly. Sanem finished her makeshift dinner in a rush, cleaning her hands and taking her little boy back into her arms and lifting him onto her chest. She probably had time to feed him before her family arrived.

She had been too caught up in watching the baby the first time she'd nursed him that she hadn't paid any attention to Can. She was slightly stunned at the stupid, dreamy look on his face as he watched them both.

Sanem placed her free hand against his chin, brushing her thumb over his beard, her heart fluttering. Can turned his head, pressing his lips into the palm of her hand.

"What were you laughing about with the nurse earlier?" He wondered, blinking away the wetness in his eyes.

Sanem held back a mischievous grin ."She told me you have acquired a little fan base. Since they saw you so  _effortlessly_  carrying me into the building in your arms like a - I believe she said 'divine neolithic caveman' - you have been the talk of the nurse's lounge. She told me she thought everyone was making a big deal over nothing until she saw you holding him earlier. She said I was very lucky to have you."

"I think I'm the lucky one." His eyes fell back on the infant in her arms. He watched her, slightly mystified. "It's just so amazing,"

Her forehead creased gently in puzzlement. "What is?"

"That you can do that," He gestured to the baby, his cheeks flushing slightly.

"What? Feed him? Can, every woman can do this,"

"Yeah but it's different, because it's  _you,_  and our son. I don't know how to explain it. It's just... magical."

Sanem's heart skipped a beat as she smiled lovingly at him. "Has anyone ever told you that you're a complete teddy bear."

Can gaped, before giving into a bashful grin. "Yes. Many times."

He kept watching them anyway, mesmerized by how peacefully they seemed to fit together, watching his wife stroke her hand back and forth along the babies arm.

"Have you thought of any names?" He asked. She'd spent nine, long months carrying him, she deserved the chance to pick it out.

Sanem thought for a moment. "I don't know about you, but he looks like a Muzafer to me." She managed to keep a straight face for a whole 20 second before bursting into giggles at the horror in her husband's eyes. "Oh, calm down, I'm not that mean."

It was daunting, naming a human being - he would have to live with it for the rest of his life. She did have one idea though.

 

* * *

 

Her family arrived in a flurry, bursting through the door with what appeared to be half the neighborhood. The family she'd been expecting; her parents and Leyla, were followed by the family she had not. Though perhaps she should have anticipated it. Osman, Ayhan and Melihat followed in behind them. Barely containing squeals of delight when they saw him in Sanem's arms, before Mevkibe reminded everyone to keep quiet.

Mevkibe had the honor of being the first person, apart from his parents, to hold him. Sanem carefully handed the baby over to her mother, who looked just as nervously overjoyed as if she'd just been given the whole world to hold.

"Oh, Sanem, he's perfect." She gushed, tears welling up in her eyes again.

"Aww," Leyla whispered as she held onto his hand. "What a precious little thing. He's so small." She gushed. "Oh my goodness, those feet are so tiny!"

Sanem shared a watery-eyed smile with Can, who squeezed her hand

Nihat started bawling as soon as his grandson was placed on his lap, he had to pass the baby on to Leyla before the infant's blankets became covered in tears.

 

* * *

 

"Hey," Sanem beamed at her father and brother-in-law as Emre wheeled Aziz into the room, joining the gathering of family that was quickly filling up the small space.

"It turns out, I had only been a floor above you all afternoon - while you were down here having a baby." Aziz chuckled, taking Sanem's hand as he was moved closer. "How are you, my dear?"

"I'm brilliant, we're both brilliant." She replied, her eyes falling to the bundle on her sister's lap. Leyla passed the remarkably quiet baby to Aziz, who gasped in delight. Introducing himself to his grandson with a bright smile.

"Does he have a name yet?" Aziz asked, slowly bouncing the gurgling infant in his frail arms.

Sanem glanced at Can, reaching out for him, asking him to join her. "He does," She replied, taking her husband's hand.

"We decided to name him after his grandpa." Can answered.

"But we're gonna call him Azi for now. Because it's cuter." Sanem winked.

A small tear fell down Aziz's face. He sniffed, distracting himself by fussing over the little boy in his arms, while Azi stared at his namesake with curious eyes.

Azi was passed around the room between eager arms and bright faces. It was Osman who had the misfortune of holding the baby when he suddenly became overwhelmed. He started whimpering, the noise soon turning into an unfortunate wail that made Osman's eyes go wide in panic. Sanem reached out for him and Osman was more than happy to hand him back over. She ran a finger over his cheeks, humming to him until he calmed down, snuggling back into her arms as she carefully rearranged his blanket. Azi let out a little yawn, his arms stretching into the air before his eyes slowly fell shut. His mothers were starting to feel droopy too.

"How did the meeting go today?" Aziz asked, distracting attention away from Sanem and the baby, noticing they both needed to rest.

"Yeah, What happened after I left? Were they mad?" Can turned to Emre and Leyla.

"Weirdly, they were actually impressed," Emre replied. "Seeing as their advertising concept with us was based on a family-style theme anyway - and they didn't even know you were expecting - if anything it made them more keen to continue working with us, something about you guys 'understanding the target audience better'."

That was a relief. Can had half expected the contract would be dropped after his unprofessional behaviour. The baby was a blessing in more ways than one, everything seemed to be falling into place.

 

* * *

 

Naysüll arrived a few moments later. "Is there a party going on in here I wasn't invited too?" She joked at the sight of the crowded room. "Can I ask that everyone but mom and dad leave for a few minutes."

Mevkibe shushed everyone out of the door, only getting Nihat to leave after promising they could go and find somewhere to eat.

Naysül turned to Sanem and Can. "We just have to do a final check over before we let you three loose into the world to fend for yourself."

Naysül gave Sanem and Azi the all clear, providing the new parents with more tips and information than they knew what to do with.

"Look after her," Naysül told Can, finally. "Keep an eye out for any emotional irregularities. The hormones may take her some getting used to, so if you notice anything off, let us know. We want both mom and baby to stay happy and healthy."

Can nodded. He would watch over them both. Always.

Getting Azi changed for the first time was more enchanting of an experience than Sanem had been expecting. Delicately tucking his tiny arms and chubby legs into their place and carefully sealing the small buttons together, running her hands gently over his belly to flatten out the creases.

He looked so cozy and adorable. Snuggled into one of the full-body onesies that she had picked out on her first baby-themed shopping trip with Leyla. It was one of Sanem's favourites and she was beyond happy that it was his first ever outfit. It was a bizarre concept. He was a brand new person - with so much of the world yet to discover, they'd have so many more 'firsts' together and she was excited to experience every single one of them with him.

 

* * *

 

Can's car pulled into the driveway. A slow end to a slow journey - despite having to enter the motorway for a short time, he had refused to go above 40 mph the entire way home.

Sanem had sent him an exasperated look as the car crawled at a snail's pace, other cars overtaking and beeping in frustration. "You know driving too slowly can be dangerous too, right?"

Mevkibe and Sanem continued to mercilessly tease him all the way home.

"Nihat was just the same. He would have wrapped you girls up in bubble wrap if we'd let him."

Arriving home, now that it was the three of them, was a strange experience, it would be forever changed. They were a family now. Their life had become more than just the two of them and their ragtag collection of pets. Because now Azi lived here too. He would spend his childhood growing up in this house, the floors would bear witness to his first steps, the garden would become his kingdom to play in and every year his height would be etched into the kitchen wall. It was feeling more like a home than it ever had and their efforts over the last nine months to make it perfect had all been in preparation to bring him home, building somewhere that was as much his as theirs, that he could feel safe and secure in. Somewhere he could grow up happy.

"Welcome home, little guy," She whispered to him as she stepped through the doorway, half of her heart in her arms and the other half following behind, carrying the hospital bags in from the car with her mother's help.

The distance between their bedroom and the nursery hadn't seemed so painfully large before. Sanem stalled as she stepped inside, about to speak, but Can ended up stealing her words.

"We're moving the crib into our bedroom right?"

 _God, she loved him._ Sanem nodded. "Please,"


	38. Azi

 

* * *

   

   Belly buttons, Sanem had decided, were very strange. It was such tiny little part of her body, something that she'd never particularly given any thought to. And yet, here was a perfect mini human that her body had grown entirely without instruction, who had, only yesterday, been literally tethered to her body by a fleshy lifeline. A connection that had joined them together and had allowed her to nurture and sustain him, the remnants of which would wither away to leave an unappreciated and ignored mark on his abdomen forever. It was slightly gross, but that didn't make it any less miraculous.

   Oh, he was going to have the cutest little belly button. So tiny. Just like every other part of him. The thought nearly made her heart stutter.

   Sanem lay on her side on the bed with Azi beside her, one of her hands rested lightly on his belly as her thumb brushed over the fabric of his onesie. The infant's eyes blinked slowly, growing tired. Sanem's were doing something similar.

   She smiled lazily at her husband as he returned from helping Mevkibe set up the spare bedroom. She held a finger against her lips, signaling for him to keep quiet as he cautiously settled down on the bed on the baby's other side, careful not to rock the mattress too much.

   Despite the late hour, there was still a bright sparkle in Sanem's eyes which were still attentively transfixed on the baby falling asleep nestled on top of the duvet between them.

   "He didn't exist," She spoke softly. "And now he does. It's so crazy."

   "Yeah, it's pretty insane." Can agreed, smiling at the bright love in her eyes. The last nine months seemed to have flown by, it was strange to imagine the world as it had been before, when they had been 'two' rather than 'three.' Strange in a way that almost felt cold. It had been like this for less than a day by this had already become life now, and he couldn't imagine it any other way.

   "I made him." Sanem whispered, her words full of awe, sounding joyful and proud and slightly bashful that she'd even spoken the words out loud.

   Can chuckled, nodding his head in agreement. In his heart, he had known for years that she would be the best mother in the world, a truth he'd held with a certainty he'd scarcely felt before. Watching Sanem meeting their son for the first time in the hospital earlier had only solidified that belief. He had expected that seeing her like this, so utterly head-over-heels with their own child, would completely melt his heart like fluffy marshmallows floating in a cup of hot chocolate. But he was feeling something else just as intensely. Gratitude. She'd made them a family, and he was unfathomably grateful for it.

   Can watched as Sanem gently brushed the back of her hand over the soft fuzz of hair on top of Azi's head. "Do you think he knows?" She asked, her eyes turning into warm pools of brown.

   Can's forehead creased slightly. "Knows what?"

   Sanem moved her hand, placing it over the baby's own as his arm reached out, curled in a little fist against the bedding. "How much I love him." She breathed.

   Can's smile seemed to spread all the way through his entire body; there was nothing left of the marshmallows now. "He knows." Can promised. "I think he knew from the moment he looked into your eyes when he first met you. I think he knew from the fondness in your smile, and by how completely and utterly safe he felt when he was held in your arms. And I think he knew from the sound of the joy in your heartbeat long before he was even born."

   Sanem's eyes flickered up to her husband's, blushing slightly. Being a dad had already turned him so soppy, even more so than he had been already. If it wasn't for the unrelenting throbbing of her insides (not the pleasant kind) and the sleeping baby between them, she probably would have jumped his lap.

   In compromise, she whispered "I love you," Taking his hand across the sheets and entwining their fingers. "We should probably go to bed now." She pointed out groggily. It was nearing eleven pm of one of the most physically and emotionally exhausting days of her life but she didn't seem appropriately thrilled with the idea; she wanted to stay awake with Azi for a while longer. Her eyelids didn't agree.

   Sanem sighed. Delicately scooping Azi up and placing him gently into the crib Can had positioned at the foot of the bed. She watched him for a few moments to make sure he settled down again as she sat awkwardly on the edge of the mattress.  _Sitting_  wasn't exactly very pleasant at the moment.

   "I feel like a deflated balloon." She grumbled, poking her belly. "I'm all squishy."

   Can shuffled towards her, enfolding his arms around her waist from behind. "You are beautiful, and I love you." He kissed the back of her hair sweetly. "I love you," He said again, moving to kiss her temple. "I love you." This time kissing her cheek. Repeating the words like a promise as they became muffled against her skin, continuing until she was grinning at the ceiling and leaning back against his shoulder.

   She smiled, folding her own arms over his and letting her eyes fall back on the sleeping infant in front of them. She'd always felt secure in Can's arms but she couldn't help feeling slightly nervous now. "Are you scared?" She asked.

   Can pressed his lips against the bridge between her neck and shoulder, taking a deep breath. "Truthfully... I'm slightly terrified," This was undoubtedly the biggest challenge he'd ever faced, scaling mountains and sailing over open seas seemed to pale in comparison. But he'd also never stood before a challenge so excited, or happy. And this time he would have Sanem by his side.

   Sanem hummed, relieved that she wasn't the only anxious one. "Me too,"

   Can squeezed her hand reassuringly. "We've got this," He promised.

   Sanem sighed, squeezing his hand back in reply.  _We're gonna be okay,_  she tried to convince herself, but she wasn't sure if she believed the words. Raising a kid was difficult. She still had no real idea what she was doing; Azi was so beautiful and perfect and pure, she didn't want to mess him up.

   A few minutes of stillness passed before Can spoke again, whispering the words against her skin and distracting her from her thoughts. "Thank you,"

   Sanem's forehead creased slightly. "For what?"

   "For him," Can nodded towards Azi. The words needing no further explanation.

   She grinned slightly. "Your welcome," She twisted round to press a kiss against his cheek. "You ready for the first in a long line of sleepless nights?"

   "More than ready. Bring it on." He challenged.

 

* * *

 

   Sanem woke, for the first time, not to the sound of a crying baby but to quiet stillness, to rays of bright light seeping across the bedroom and to the sound of birds serenading the morning sun. It was already hot, suggesting she'd missed out on a good chunk of the morning, but if the warm sheets on Can's empty side of the bed was any indication, he hadn't woken up much earlier than she had. And by the looks of the crib, he had taken Azi with him. He must have let her sleep in.

   Sanem stretched out her limbs, yawning and catching the taste of something sweet in the air drifting up from the kitchen downstairs. Was that -

   Was that pancakes? And something chocolatey too.

   Sanem got up, wrapping her dressing gown around her shoulders before heading downstairs to find her boys and to investigate why the house smelled like her favorite breakfast.

   She entered the kitchen to find her mother standing over the stove and Can holding their son in his arms as he looked through the windows of the sliding door out over the garden - which was looking remarkably colorful this morning. The sunlight had washed the whole room in a golden glow. Sanem leaned against the doorframe, taking it all in. Warmth spread through her body at the sight of her family, a feeling that reminded her of climbing under fluffy blankets during cold winter days and watching rain run down the windows while she was safe and warm by the fireplace. It left her feeling entirely content and all fuzzy inside. She half felt like she was in a dream, but no amount of blinking or head shaking would make the serene image in front of her slip away.

   "Günaydın," Sanem sleepily greeted her mother before walking over to Can so she could say hello to Azi, smiling at him as she tickled his tummy, before kissing the top of his head. She laughed and began untangling his hand from her hair after he reached out for it.

   "How are you feeling?" Can asked, smiling when her hair was finally free.

   "I'm fine. Perfect." She smiled back, before heading over to spy on her mother's cooking. She'd been right. It was pancakes - with chocolate chips mixed in. 

   "I love you," She thanked her mother with a hug from behind.

   Mevkibe smiled. "Of course, Sanemcim." She said turning around. "I'm your mother, it's my job to feed you."

   Mevkibe pulled her daughter into a tight hug that seemed to last a suspiciously long time before she began bombarding Sanem's cheeks with loud, smothering kisses.

   "Anne!" Sanem protested, trying to half-heartedly squirm out of her mother's embrace. Mevkibe finally released her after a few moments, holding Sanem's face in her hands.

   "You're my baby, Sanem." Mevkibe took a deep breath. "It doesn't matter that you have one of your own now, you will always be my baby girl and I love you."

   Sanem was slightly startled by her mother's sudden seriousness but smiled at the fondness in her tone. "Okay..." She replied. "I love you too."

   The moment was broken by the ringing of the doorbell. Sanem offered to get it, opening the door to find Deren with Arslan, his tail wagging as he strained against the lead, eager to get inside.

   "Hey buddy," Sanem cooed, leaning down to cuddle his face in her hands. "How was he?"

   "He was fine. I didn't have any dog food so I just gave him some chicken last night. I hope that was okay." Deren admitted, handing over his lead.

   Sanem laughed. "I'm sure that was fine, he must have loved that. Thank you for looking after him."

   "No worries. I imagine you had your hands full."

   "Yeah, that's an understatement." Sanem smiled. "Have you had any breakfast? My mom's cooking pancakes," She indicated through to the kitchen. The offer of food wasn't entirely innocent, she wanted to show her little boy off again already. Though perhaps Deren wasn't the most approachable target.

   "I shouldn't, but thank you. I'm already late for work, maybe some other time." Deren suggested, already on the way back to her car. Sanem waved goodbye, a cheeky smile on her face. Azi would win Deren over eventually.

   Sanem led the dog through to the kitchen. It was time for an introduction.

   "Look who it is," Can said, turning the baby around so he could meet the first of his four-legged housemates.

   Arslan, despite his best qualities, was not very observant, he took a moment to even notice there had been an addition to the household. His tail stilled when he caught sight of the bundle in Can's arms, but Sanem felt as though his quietness was from curiosity rather than fear.

   Sanem knelt down on the floor, keeping one hand hooked around Arslan's collar as she indicated for Can to bring the baby over. Mevkibe almost protested but Sanem insisted they would be fine. They would be living together. They would have to meet each other sooner or later.

   Can settled down in front of her, just close enough for Arslan to reach out with his nose but leaving enough space to move away if necessary. Arslan didn't move at first. He shot a nervous glance at Sanem before he very slowly leaned forward and pushed his soft nose under Azi's arm. The little boy was watching the dog intently with wide eyes, but he didn't complain.

   Mevkibe let out a deep breath. But of course Sanem had known Arslan would be this gentle. She smiled, praising him and letting go of his collar.

   Arslan stepped back before playfully dashing to the other side of the room to his toy box, returning with his favorite teddy, a plushy moose, and attempting to hand it over to Azi.

   Can laughed. "I think he has enough of his own teddies, Arslan."

 

* * *

 

 

   Azi made the most adorable noises when he was feeding. Well, in all honesty, he made the most adorable noises  _all the time._  But there was something so pure about nursing him that triggered every maternal instinct in Sanem's body and made a warm mushy mess out of her heart. She knew nursing was supposed to be good for bonding, but she hadn't really taken into account that it would be a two-way thing. She kept waiting for the warm feeling in her chest to disappear, but as of yet, it had not.

   Ugh, she just loved him so much. Loved his chubby little cheeks, his gentle sighs and the way his tiny little hand liked to be holding onto something as he fed. She learned pretty quickly to tie her hair up to stop him hanging onto it, offering him her fingers to hold instead.

   Leyla had been right about having someone to cuddle, he rarely tolerated being out of her arms, and she found she rarely wanted to let go of him either. For the first few weeks, Azi unhelpfully refused to fall asleep unless he was in Sanem's arms, which was not only  _incredibly_  inconvenient for Sanem but disheartening for Can.

   "Don't worry yourself about it son," Mevkibe promised him. "They've had nine months to get to know each other. You are still practically a stranger to him, it won't take him long to warm up to you. Nihat was Sanem's favourite by the time she was four months old." Mevkibe sighed deeply before chuckling. "That girl has always know how to break my heart."

   Azi's crying sounded loud to Sanem but everyone else insisted he was not a particularly noisy little thing, the nurse suggested it might have been a consequence of him being slightly preterm, but considering he was as fit as a fiddle they also suggested it might have just been how he was. His lungs seemed to work perfectly fine and when he really wanted to he could let out a fierce little squeal. Yet most of the time he simply chose not to. Can was half certain it was because Sanem seemed to just know what to do with him before the quiet crying could spiral into tantrums.

   He had the sweetest temperament, a fact Mevkibe wouldn't stop gushing about. "He is an angel in comparison to how you used to be Sanem. You were a colicky little nightmare," She tutted. "Never gave us a moment's rest."

   Sanem wasn't sure if it was just grandmotherly instincts but Mevkibe was completely besotted with the little boy. She was the mushiest grandmother in the world. But Sanem had to agree, Azi was such a little sweetheart – not that she had anything to compare him to. But that didn't mean it was easy. Having a newborn was messy and exhausting and soul-dredgingly demanding but they treasured every moment of it.

 

* * *

 

 

   Over the first few weeks, their house turned into a merry-go-round of family and friends coming and going with offers to help out or simply the desire to fawn over their little boy.

   Naturally, Ceycey had been offended he'd been the only one to not be 'invited' to the hospital, Sanem tried to explain that no such 'invitations' were actually given out but Ceycey was having none of it. He had nearly fainted after opening up the email from Can and seeing the photo of Sanem with Azi in the hospital, showing up at their front door the next evening after work with Ayhan by his side and a bundle of flowers in his hand. The office had been quiet all day. He had missed his friend. He wasn't quite so keen on the baby in her arms but he hesitantly agreed to hold him when Sanem offered, happy when the little thing didn't start screaming. He handed the baby to Ayhan after only a few minutes, whose arms were much more welcoming. She was smitten with the little boy and had already adopted calling him her nephew.

   Can's friends arrived a few days later. Staying just for a short time to congratulate them both and shower them in even more baby presents. Sanem was going to have to put a ban on gifted teddies, Azi's room was overflowing with them. But she appreciated the sentiment nonetheless and appreciated it, even more, when Metin and Akif volunteered to take Arslan out occasionally on the weekends.

   Aziz visited as often as he could. Taking every chance to spend time with his grandchild but not wanting to be a burden. Azi seemed to bring him to life, an improvement Can was hoping would stick around for a while.

   Huma's thorns had all but withered away; a prickling rose turning into a bright sunflower. The woman, who Sanem had only a few months ago stood frozen in her doorway at the sight of, now brought a smile to her face whenever she arrived at the house. Truthfully, it was the gifts she brought with her, rather than Huma herself that created Sanem's smiles. But Huma would take what she could get. Overflowing bags of groceries, snacks and pre-cooked meals were dragged in from Huma's car with Emre's help. The fridge was considerately kept fully stocked. One less thing for the new parents to worry about.

   It was a surprise when Huma showed up a few days later with more than her usual presents in tow. Azi was two weeks old when Sanem found her mother-in-law on the front decking accompanied by a very large and mysterious cardboard box. Inside was a rocking chair. It nearly made Sanem watery-eyed. A white, wooden frame with intricate flower patterns along the arms and top rail, with padded cushions that made Sanem feel like she was sinking into them. The seat was large enough that when they really tried, both her and Can could fit into it. Though she had to half be on his lap, or fully on it. Whatever. Can didn't mind.

   Huma still hadn't held her grandson. Sanem wasn't entirely sure what held her back from offering, but Huma didn't press, content she'd even been let this close. Watching from a short distance was better than not being able to watch at all.

   The cats were not impressed. They'd been uncharacteristically absent on the evening they had first bought Azi home and the quietness continued for the first few days, choosing instead to retreat into the peaceful safety of the downstairs bedroom.

   It only took them a few days to come around. Once they realised the squirmy little alien was, in fact, not a threat despite the noise he made, they began to venture back into the rest of the house. The armageddon alarm retracted.

   It became a bit of a problem when their apprehension turned into infatuation, and they began to make every attempt to snuggle up in the crib with Azi while he was sleeping, it was adorable but it wasn't entirely safe for the newborn so Sanem made the decision to lock them out of the bedroom. The whining only lasted a few days.

   Azi seemed just as equally curious about them, reaching out to touch their fur whenever the cats joined them for naptime on the sofa. Cuddling up to Sanem's side and allowing the baby the prime sleeping spot in her arms. Their purring seemed to help Azi fall asleep.

   Arslan, restricted by his size but wanting to joining in with nap time too, liked to watch the baby sleeping against Sanem's tummy, pushing a gentle nose under the baby's wrist and staying there, quiet and still for what seemed like hours. He remained just as gentle and soppy as he had been the first night they'd bought the baby home. Calm and careful as if Arslan knew Azi was delicate. Their nanny dog was also the perfect distraction when Azi's undiagnosed crying wouldn't stop.

   Mevkibe stayed with them for what was only supposed to be one week but soon began creeping towards two. She was more than happy to help the new parents get on their feet - and gain a head start on bonding with her grandson - but truthfully, after the first few days, they didn't really need her there. But Sanem kept finding reasons for her mother to stay a little while longer.

 

* * *

 

   Sanem had protested using the baby carrier at first, it looked silly and awkward and they had  _arms_  didn't they? They might as well use them. But her protests died down when she realised how convenient it could be, and by some miracle, Leyla managed to find them one that was not only small enough to carry a newborn but that had large enough shoulder straps so that Can could wear it too.

   Sanem had just stared the first time Can and Azi had tried it out, aware that it was super cute while also holding back the temptation to laugh at her husband.

   Once Azi had gotten used to it, Mevkibe insisted they no longer had an excuse to not get out of the house. Properly. Not just on short dog walks around the block, which really didn't count.

   The sun was shining and both Can and Sanem  _were_  itching to get out, so, after getting Arslan in the car and a brief fight with the uncooperative safety buckles of Azi's car seat, they set off, not entirely sure where they were heading to.

   They all but stumbled across the farmers market. Can had been attempting to drive along the lane running through the little village near their house but the blockade of colourful stalls, tents and trucks impeded their path.

   Can raised his eyebrows in questioning. Sanem had never really considered farmers markets as something that could be fun - they seemed like the sort of thing elderly, retired couples went along to. Sure, she had walked through a few in the malhalle simply because they had  _been there_  and in the way but she hadn't taken much interest.

   She nodded anyway. Smiling at how appropriately the idea seemed to fit in with their cozy little picture of domestic bliss they had made for themselves.

   Can found somewhere to park, then Azi was hitched onto Can's chest in the carrier and Sanem took charge of Arslan and did her best to stop him from accidentally eating any of the produce. She wasn't entirely successful. Who knew dogs liked lettuce? The stall attendant wasn't entirely impressed but softened when Sanem explained that she had been distracted by Azi's excited squeal at a bright cardboard bumble bee above the neighboring honey seller's tent. She apologised, paying for the damage before waving Azi's hand in reply to the attendant's farewell.

   Through the eyes of an infant, the market seemed to take on a whole new energy. Azi was wide awake and staring mesmerized at all the colors and smells. He loved it. And if Sanem was honest, she did too.

   They returned home an hour later, startled by a house that was near spotless. Mevkibe had cleaned it from top to bottom.

   "What's this?" Sanem asked with apprehension, noticing the freshly washed and folded bedding sitting on Mevkibe's temporary bed.

   "Lelya is coming to pick me up in a little while," Sanem nearly protested before her mother began speaking again. "Sanem. You are going to be fine. The last three days you haven't even needed my help, you might not be aware of it but you definitely do not need me holding your hand anymore. You've got this."

   Still, she couldn't help feeling like she'd been left in a bull ring without a muleta as she watched Leyla's car leave their driveway a short while later.

   She sighed. Returning inside the house and through to the living room where Can and Azi were laying down snuggled up on the sofa. She joined them, managing to just about squeeze beside Can on the cushions.

   She brushed her fingers soothingly over Azi's little arm as he rested against his father's chest, still unwinding from their adventure. It had been a big day for him.

   "You okay?" Can asked, aware she was apprehensive about her mother's departure.

   Sanem nodded, smiling nervously at him.  _We're gonna be fine_ , she thought. But the words still didn't settle quite right.

   Arslan took the opportunity to jump up on the cushions by their feet, curling up and, naturally, laying himself over them and trapping their ankles. He was a good foot warmer.

   As they tended to do, the cats joined them too. Fitting themselves into any gap they could find.

   Can raised an eyebrow, bemused; it was getting a bit crowded. "There were six in the bed and the little one said -" He began to sing, making Sanem laugh. She nuzzled her nose into his shoulder, smiling. "What do you think?" He asked softly after a moment.

   "About what?"

   "About the six of us?" He pondered. "Seems like a lot..."

   Sanem looked at him. He held an expression on his face that over the years Sanem had learned meant he was making a statement but asking a question.

   She grinned. "Oh, I don't know. I reckon we could fit a couple more in."

   "A couple?" He smiled.

   "Sure," She nodded, cheekily. "Pomeranians don't take up too much space. Maybe even-" But the joke was cut off when she caught sight of the sleeping infant against Can's chest. Oh.

_Oh._

   "Can," She said quietly, sitting up. "He's asleep."

   Can looked down at the baby, eyes closed and peaceful, his chest rising and falling slowly. "Oh," He whispered.

   "He's asleep. On you." She pointed out, dumbfounded. A warm smile spread across her face.  _Finally_ , she thought.

   Can beamed, the smile reaching all the way to his eyes.

   "We're gonna be okay," She whispered.

   And for the first time, the words didn't feel like a lie. 


	39. Scrapbooks and Sandcastles

 

* * *

   Sanem sat alone at the end of the garden, absentmindedly pulling up tufts of grass with her hands as she overlooked the beach below where her husband and son were playing in the sand.

   Almost five years had passed since she'd last been here, but every part of the islands remained just the same as they had been in her memory. The same breeze, salty and warm against her skin, the same gentle whoosh of waves against the sand, the same distant cries of seabirds, the occasional stray swooping over the house. It was as if the house had been frozen in time, nothing here had changed. And yet so much had.

   Sanem smiled as Azi dug out a shell from the sand, showing it proudly to his father before placing it onto the sand castle wall he was building. A grand arrangement of towers, walkways and moats that he had designed with Can's help. In all honesty, Can had done most of the work, but Azi had directed where to position the buckets for emptying and had carefully selected a range of ornaments to work as windows and doors. For a nearly four-year-old it was a work of art - creativity must have been genetic. Never the less, being a nearly four-year-old, of course, he'd managed to make a mess of himself, getting sand ruffled into his wavy, brown hair. Sanem rolled her eyes half-heartedly.

   She watched as Azi climbed onto Can's back before his father gave him a piggy-pack along the beach, stopping and putting the little boy down when they came across the perfect final touch for their castle. Azi ran back over, holding it in his hand, before carefully placing the Albatros feather at the highest point - using it as a sigil flag. An Albatros castle. It seemed appropriate.

   Sanem ran a hand over the book in her lap - a gift from Can for their fifth wedding anniversary, the very reason they had flown all the way to the Galapagos. She'd looked through the pages briefly after unwrapping it, but nostalgia and sentimentality had pulled at her heart and made her eyes fog up with tears before she could appreciate it properly. She'd closed it again in fear of drenching the pages. She was, unfortunately, a bit wobbly at the moment.

   She steeled herself, opening the book back up, fawning her hands over the pages of colourful photos her husband had taken over the last few years. It held their history. Every beautiful moment since they had married - all captured through Can's eyes. Love seemed to seep out of the very paper itself and Sanem had to steady herself with a deep breath before she delved in further.

   The first pages were, of course, filled with their wedding. They'd hired a proper photographer for the event but the shots Can had hastily taken on his phone turned out far more intimate. The images slightly off-kilter and clumsily, yet managing to capture the atmosphere perfectly. Their disjointed family huddled around a large table outdoor on the beach, eating, talking and laughing with wine glasses in their hands as evening stars glittering overhead. Mevkibe looking proud and tearful; Emre and Leyla in quiet, bashful conversation; their fathers talking cheerfully. And Sanem's favourite. A photo of herself with a wide, honest smile and bright eyes that Can had sneakily taken after she had turned to look at him for a moment. She looked so happy, the promise of their future sparkling in her eyes.

   Sanem smiled at the memory, turning the page to next find photos of their house - back when it was scarcely more than a decrepit roof barely held up by barren walls. So empty and hollow when they'd first moved in, but soon brought to life and filled with a range of soulful sentimentalities and living, breathing things.

   The next few pages witnessed the start of their family. It began with the cats. There were more than she expected, so many photo's he'd taken without her knowing. Can had a discreet fondness for them both and although he was not as vocal about it as she was, she knew he loved them just as much as she did. It was evident in the attention he had put into capturing them through his camera lens, in how excited he'd been to point out the moment Ahu had first voluntarily sat on his lap and in how he still occasionally left out bowls of cat food outside in case she ever came back. The photos continued. Stills of Ilkay reclining on a branch of the blossoming apple tree, Ihsan sat on the windowsill with slow, blinking eyes, dozing in the evening sun.

   Arslan was scattered over the next few pages. Standing triumphantly on top of a mountain looking down on green pine forests below; his tongue rolling out of his mouth as he overlooked shimmering lakes; his nose turned to the air as he sat at the front of Can's canoe as they paddled along the water. Their little nanny dog had joined them on every single one of their adventures. Even their biggest.

   The pages of Azi began with photos before they'd even know she was expecting. Arslan, still just a puppy, curled up in her arms as she slept. The joy on Sanem's face when she heard the kittens purring for the first time as they slept beside her on the quilt. It seemed odd that they had ever initially agreed to keep the animals off the bed. That hadn't lasted long at all.

   The following pages showcased Sanem with a more obvious baby bump. The cats sleeping with their heads rested against the slight curve of her growing tummy, a timeline of the black and white sonograms - each honoured with their own individual page, and finally, Can and Sanem sat in the garden - Can's favourites from their maternity shoot. Happy and colorful images scattered over the paper of Sanem wearing her dress, a dress she still loved and that was currently tucked away in her suitcase.

   Azi had grown so much. She had almost forgotten what he looked like as a baby. The memories tugged at her heartstrings, making her eyes water again. The pictures from the hospital pulling a thousand memories from her mind. The sound of him crying for the first time, feeling him sleeping in her arms she gazed at Can with warm eyes, their families entering the room a while later with quiet excitement.

   Her little boy continued to grow as Sanem turned the pages. Azi sleeping against Sanem's chest at only a few weeks old. His heart resting just over hers, she could feel it beating against her skin and had wondered if he could feel her's too, as he slept cozily against her chest, just close enough that she could reach down and kiss the top of his head when she felt the need. His hands in gentle fists beside his cheeks. His body covered by a soft blanket, making up for the fact neither of them were wearing t-shirts.

   His first proper smile as she held him on her lap, gently rocking back and forth on the swing Can had hung from the apple tree. Wobbly steps, made perfect with practice, Can holding his hands to keep him steady as they walked along the cobblestone garden path. Images taken during his first trip to the beach, and his first time seeing snow. The gentle snowflakes falling onto his nose as he stared at the sky in wonder, buried under a warm layer of hats, gloves, and scarves. His first birthday, then his second. Clutching onto his little Ceycey fox as he sat on Sanem's lap enthralled with The Little Prince that was playing on the tv. Their first trip to the farmers market that soon became a bi-weekly habit. Can had bought sun hats from one of the stalls when Azi had been about a year old, finally large enough for the smallest options to fit on his head without falling off. Wide-brimmed and accented with a frilly, blue ribbon, one for Azi and a matching adult sized one for Sanem as she balanced the little boy on her hip. They looked adorable in them.

   She remembered that day fondly. Exploring the range of free samples at the fruit stand, Azi's face scrunching up when he discovered something too sour. Can had danced with her through the kitchen that night. Music had been playing as they both cooked dinner with things they'd discovered at the market, but they became distracted when Can took her hand in his, inviting her to sway through the room with him, entirely uncoordinated and graceless. He'd never gotten much better at dancing, but Sanem's laughter had warmed up the whole room. 

   She turned the page to find images of Azi sleeping against Arslan, using him as a pillow as they both napped together on the living room floor. Considering how infatuated their little boy was with the dog, perhaps they should have anticipated what his first words would be. They'd spent weeks trying to encourage Azi to talk for the first time, only for Arslan to prove the encouragement he'd needed, squealing out a giggled 'puppy!' one evening after the dog returned from spending the day with Metin. Sanem wasn't sure if she should have been proud that he'd managed two syllables or been offended by his choice of word. But it didn't really matter because the very next day he'd called her 'anne' for the very first time and it had melted her heart completely.

   The pages continued with pictures from Leyla and Emre's wedding. Images of their families, no longer so disjointed but still partially unsettled after Aziz's passing. Sanem's father in law had been graced with a whole three months with his first grandchild before he was finally taken by the angles. It had shattered them for a while, but life steadily went on. His presence at the wedding had been missed but the youthful excitement of his namesake somewhat helped to fill the void.

   Her little boy had worn his first ever suit to the wedding, an adorable, little grey blazer and matching shorts over a handsome white shirt. Sanem could still vividly remember getting him dressed in the morning, as well as the conversation they'd shared that would probably be stuck in her head forever.

   "Why are Auntie Leyla and Uncle Emre getting married?" Azi had asked, speaking slowly and clumsily as three and a half-year-olds are prone to do, before he paused, thinking, as his mother helped him into his shoes. "What is 'married'?"

   Sanem laughed softly, wondering for a moment the best way to explain it to him as she finished tying his shoelaces. "It's, uh..." She paused. "Marriage is a promise. A promise two people make to each other when they love each other so much that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. That's why they're getting married. Because they love each other more than anything else in the whole world."

   Azi quietened as he tended to do when he was considering something important. "I think you and baba should get married." He finally said.

   Sanem's smile widened, she would have to tell Can he'd said that later. "Oh, sweetheart. We already are." She leaned forward, peppering kisses against the top of his forehead.

   "Good!" He declared, before running out of the room on his little legs to show his outfit off to his father.

   "When are we gonna tell them?" Can had asked a few hours later, as they sat watching their families and friends dancing, Azi twirling around with Mevkibe as he stood on her toes. Sanem would have joined them but she was feeling slightly dizzy, Can sat with her in the quiet of the outskirts of the room in solidarity.

   "We can wait a few more weeks." It would have been unfair to share the news before the excitement of the wedding wore down. She didn't want to steal Leyla's congratulations.

   It had started, once again, with a nagging desire to go around adopting a bunch of animals. She hadn't really considered that her sudden acquisition of pets when she'd been a month pregnant with Azi had been an actual symptom, and when she found herself scrolling through the online animal profiles from the local shelter on her phone for the fifth time that week she didn't really have the mind to question why she'd been doing it. 

   Until the headaches came again. Less fierce than the first time but they lingered steadily for almost a whole week - long enough to think something was up. Her guess made more certain when Arslan became particularly soppy with her, refusing to leave her side and becoming exceedingly gentle. She was sure before she'd even had taken the test.

   She promptly put a stop to her absentminded pet searching. Because, no. They really didn't need any more; their family was growing fast enough as it was.

   She had known the secret wouldn't stay a secret for long and by the time they finally arranged to tell their families she had already been showing slightly. Sanem invited their extended family over for dinner, it was a regular enough occasion not to arouse suspicion but she buried herself under a cardigan anyway just in case her mother noticed anything before the big reveal.

   Naturally, Nihat started bawling the second Can had told them all. Everyone else remained composed enough to shower both her and Can in tight hugs and congratulations through excited smiles. After the excitement had worn down, Mevkibe had asked her grandson, who had been sitting on Can's lap at the time, what he thought about being a big brother. Azi smiled shyly before shrugging.

   "You're not going to be daddy's little baby anymore." Mevkibe pointed out, making the little boy pout slightly.

   Can feigned offense. "He's always going to be my little baby." He promised, pulling Azi closer, who grinned, wrapped his arms around his father's neck. Sanem face softened as she let out an involuntary 'aww', but she wasn't the only one who did so.

   A gull squawked overhead, pulling Sanem our of her memories as she glanced upwards. Her fingers found themselves fidgetting with her hair, longer than it had been before - the natural consequence of letting it grow out over the last few years. Currently tied in an intricate braid, a pattern Can had finally mastered - one he had been working on for weeks, practicing ever since he found out they were having a baby girl.

   Sanem ran a hand gently over her five-month baby bump, feeling her little girl kick in response to her rising emotions. Despite her best efforts, she'd managed to get a few tears splashed onto the paper. Sanem brushed her eyes dry.

   She heard Azi squeal as Can lifted him onto his shoulders before they began paraded around their sand castle. The little boy raised his arms, stretching them out to the sides as if he were about to take off in flight.

   Sanem smiled, closing the book. It held her past, it was beautiful and she treasured every single page and every single moment of it - but her future was right in front of her. Her two birds were flying and she wanted to join them.

   Sanem stood up, leaving the memories on the grass as she followed the steps down to the sand.

                                                                         ---  Fin   ---

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my twitter - @AdertilyB  
> and my tumblr - https://www.tumblr.com/blog/on-the-wings-of-an-albatross


End file.
